We need the picture for that
Thank you, good sir.
I need to set up a photobucket...
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Girlfriend /bass/ issues
- Thread starter Indiana Mike
- Start date
Thank you, good sir.
I need to set up a photobucket...
See a therapist, and work on your self image.
Communicate the way you want to live with those around you.
Understand that saying "no" and hearing "no" are part of the human experience.
Nothing that you sell your soul for is worth keeping.
Communicate the way you want to live with those around you.
Understand that saying "no" and hearing "no" are part of the human experience.
Nothing that you sell your soul for is worth keeping.
i agree with everyone here, but, i will try to put a different spin on it....
rarely will a human choose to make their life harder or less convenient. if the daughter knows she can crash and eat at your place for free, then i wouldn't expect her to choose differently.
my suggestion is to not blame the daughter or the gf. or get mad at them for not living up to your expectations. your expectations are for you only. so, if you expect to be able to practice bass at a reasonable hour of the day and it is your house, then you get to. i encourage you to explain this from the place of calm security that you get when you know you are acting maturely and respecting boundaries (yours as well as theirs).
unfortunately, this is easier typed then lived. i think it would be best to establish those boundaries from a place of love and support, which is no small task given the situation. you have to be willing to allow your gf to choose to give up your relationship if she would rather stand with her daughter in the free-loading camp. they say women don't respect push-overs. it is time to make your needs clear in a positive and sensitive, but firm, way. whether or not they respect that, agree with it, or individually choose to stay or go, is their call. not yours.
if you love your gf, tell her so. if you want to share your home with her, with or without her daughter, tell her so. but, if you have rules you want followed in your house, you have to tell her that as well. you may feel like a prick being the authority figure, but you must respect yourself if you want to get respect from others.
also, in the name of good boundaries, this is not your daughter, and so, she is not your problem. any conversation and decisions your have/make should be with the gf. it is tricky, you don't have authority over the daughter, but you do over the home. it is a fine line to walk; try to keep the issues separate and clear. good luck!
rarely will a human choose to make their life harder or less convenient. if the daughter knows she can crash and eat at your place for free, then i wouldn't expect her to choose differently.
my suggestion is to not blame the daughter or the gf. or get mad at them for not living up to your expectations. your expectations are for you only. so, if you expect to be able to practice bass at a reasonable hour of the day and it is your house, then you get to. i encourage you to explain this from the place of calm security that you get when you know you are acting maturely and respecting boundaries (yours as well as theirs).
unfortunately, this is easier typed then lived. i think it would be best to establish those boundaries from a place of love and support, which is no small task given the situation. you have to be willing to allow your gf to choose to give up your relationship if she would rather stand with her daughter in the free-loading camp. they say women don't respect push-overs. it is time to make your needs clear in a positive and sensitive, but firm, way. whether or not they respect that, agree with it, or individually choose to stay or go, is their call. not yours.
if you love your gf, tell her so. if you want to share your home with her, with or without her daughter, tell her so. but, if you have rules you want followed in your house, you have to tell her that as well. you may feel like a prick being the authority figure, but you must respect yourself if you want to get respect from others.
also, in the name of good boundaries, this is not your daughter, and so, she is not your problem. any conversation and decisions your have/make should be with the gf. it is tricky, you don't have authority over the daughter, but you do over the home. it is a fine line to walk; try to keep the issues separate and clear. good luck!
Umm... if it's your house, it's your rules. Probably should have established these rules earlier, but better late than never. Best perhaps to give them a deadline of at least a week to a month for her to get a job, etc considering the economy; but make sure there's a deadline she must either meet or at least show she's attempting to meet it. Certainly she can start making efforts on the GED soonest... What is this 'young person' going to do when the 'bank of Mommy' inevitably, someday, closes down? (Yeah, I know, probably try and find some ijit willing to support her...*Sigh*)
Yep. The man is always the last to know.
I am of the opinion that, that ship has sailed.
Where does she live when she is not crashing at your place? Where is her father in all of this? You should not be carrying the burden for a 19 year old who does nothing but sponge off others. Nobody should tell you not to make noise at noon when somebody is sleeping unless they are a baby, sick, or sleeping because they worked all night.
yeah i'd let her know she needs to kick her daughter in the ass. its your house. you pay your bills, you dont have to cater to someone who isnt contributing. i would play bass, naked and at full blast, in the living room all i want... hell that's just a normal friday/saturday for me (then im not waiting on speakers so i can finish building my cab)
if that doesnt work... tell her you'd like to put your penis in other people.
if that doesnt work... tell her you'd like to put your penis in other people.
If the loser wants to have peace and quiet so she can sleep until mid-afternoon, tell her - AND HER MOM - that she should go get her own place to do so.
Since you pay the mortgage and you want to play your bass at noon on a Saturday, you have every right to do so.
If one or both do not like it, the door works as both an entrance and an exit, and they are welcome to use it as such - GTFO.
/thread.
Since you pay the mortgage and you want to play your bass at noon on a Saturday, you have every right to do so.
If one or both do not like it, the door works as both an entrance and an exit, and they are welcome to use it as such - GTFO.
/thread.
She tells you on a Saturday lunchtime you have to keep quiet in the home you pay for so the freeloading daughter can sleep? Wow. Just wow. I'd have both of them packing their stuff and out the door so fast you woudn't believe it.
After two years of cohabitation your "girlfriend" may legally be your common law wife. Seek legal counsel before proceeding with the eviction(s).
I'm pretty sure that just living together for a length of time won't make you fall under common law husband/wife.
less than a minute in this thing called google got me this:
Invalid Link Removed
INDIANA: The state does not recognize common law marriages.
Sixteen states recognize common law marriages, though several of these states have repealed their laws and only recognize these marriages entered into prior to a certain date.
Yeah the 18 year old needs to move out. She will learn SO much just by doing that. I don't know how but if you could bring it up like it's a positive thing with the gf and then you two can talk to the teen and set a date and help her move out (but then she's on her own) and make it all a plesant experience for all parties, that would be grande. Easier said than done, I know.
Well put. My parent's rules were if you're still in the house after high school (and not going to college) you're paying rent. Make it clear to GF and Daughter that there are limits and boundaries. If GF wants to stick around she needs to respect that it's your house and there should (at a minimum) be equal respect among residents if not a certain degree of deference to you as the owner. You shouldn't have to sacrifice for her daughter's failings.
Just wait til there's a granddaughter. It's a matter of time. 
The daughter may be a legal adult, but in all reality, she's still a child, and her mom's a child. Both need to shape up. The mom needs to provide for her daughter: Housing, food, clothing, etc. Who pays for it is between the two of them.
The daughter may be a legal adult, but in all reality, she's still a child, and her mom's a child. Both need to shape up. The mom needs to provide for her daughter: Housing, food, clothing, etc. Who pays for it is between the two of them.
