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Girlfriend /bass/ issues

#81
Indiana Mike said:
It is her 18 (almost 19) yo daughter.

The daughter will not go to school , as in high school and has reached the point of being unable to finish and has been told to pursue her GED. She is not pursuing her GED , any kind of work , or anything other than partying , sleeping all day , rinse and repeat. I see no signs of any drug or alcohol use or problems. I feel it's just a failure to launch issue.
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Now, I could be wrong, but most likely her 18 (almost 19) year old daughter is most likely doing drugs and drinking (not necessarily to the point of being a problem, mind you). This is an issue her mother needs to deal with, and you can be supportive of that.

As far as her making use of your house, you have every right to be angry. My own parents would not liet me live in their house after I graduated high school if I did not work to support myself. They also refused to pay for any of my luxuries like car insurance, cell phone bill, etc. I was also going to school full time, paid for on my own bill.

So, no, I wouldnt say you are out of line, but before you end what is an assumingly good relationship over this, you should have this convo with the girls mother.
 
#83
hbarcat said:
I guess I'm the only one who will argue for you to maintain the status-quo. You're obviously happy with the arrangement or you would have already kicked both their butts out to the curb. I can only assume the sex is worth it to you to put up with a freeloader under your roof.

There is something to be said for good, steady sex, particularly with a partner who's passionate about it (that is why she's in your house, right?), and if there are no other issues involved where they are cutting into your enjoyment of life, then what's the harm in letting them stay?

Just accept the fact that the kid is even lazier than her mom but don't go out of your way to make her feel welcome. Unless, of course, she starts contributing something of benefit to you, too. ;)
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An angle I didnt think of in my previous post.

Mom. Daughter. Same time. Something to consider for sure...
 
#85
Johnny Crab said:
Get a new set of door locks ready to install, make sure your insurance is paid up and music gear covered, and then have a "this is not working out" chat.
It is STRONGLY SUGGESTED that you have your best adult male friend(or few) present as a witness(es).

I've seen these sort of events turn very ugly.

Example(worst case and no witness on your side):
They freak, gf bruises herself in the face intentionally, calls 911, has you arrested. Seen it happen. You WILL be facing a mother protecting her offspring at this "conference". Without a witness, you could be in jail and they're in your home with your stuff hating you for trying to evict them. You want to guess what happens to your home and your stuff next?

Good luck.

The "insurance paid up" part is in case your home is broken into later and damaged/robbed by disgruntled former women. Been there, done that(1" of water on wood floor, household cleaners poured into all music gear that was at home, psycho-witch's shoeprint found in laundry powder she'd poured everywhere).
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This^

Never underestimate the levels to which a "loved one" will stoop when they've decided to **** you.
 
#87
Kwesi said:
It may sound evil, but the lolz to be had would be many.
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thelulz.jpg
 
#88
Indiana Mike said:
I want to run my situation past you and get your opinion. I am in an everlasting argument with my GF of two years. She lives with me in my house , I pretty much pay for all of the expenses and have no problems with doing so. I am debt free other than a mortgage and so is my GF , we each pay our own personnel bills/debts as they arise. We get along like best friends and have one longstanding issue that just keeps festering and is reaching the boiling point.

It is her 18 (almost 19) yo daughter.

The daughter will not go to school , as in high school and has reached the point of being unable to finish and has been told to pursue her GED. She is not pursuing her GED , any kind of work , or anything other than partying , sleeping all day , rinse and repeat. I see no signs of any drug or alcohol use or problems. I feel it's just a failure to launch issue.

Her mother transports around to her exploits , not all the time but say 75% of it, like an on call limo driver. The girl shows up at my house in the mornings , afternoon or whenever she needs a place to crash , shower , eat etc... I have no problem sharing and feel I am more than generous but am NOT going to bust my ass at work to support someone who is capable buy refuses to. The sh*t really hit the fan when I was asked , no told , to not practice / play my bass , music , tv , vacuum , or anything loud because said daughter was sleeping ... At noon on a Saturday , which is a day free of work for me.

I cannot and will not support an adult who has no disabilities , i will not tolerate her princess like behavior ,or live like this any longer.

Am I out of line???

Signed , ready to end the relationship.
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I know I'm mean, but their stuff would be on the curb and a locksmith's van would be in the driveway.
 
#89
A.Diva said:
I know I'm mean, but their stuff would be on the curb and a locksmith's van would be in the driveway.
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My nephew did just that, his GF was 'playing away' he found out when he borrowed her phone when his battery was flat. He didn't say anything but took the following afternoon off work, called in at a hardware store for a couple of new locks, fitted them and waited.

When she came home and couldn't unlock the door she phoned him, he told her to go and stay with her new man. He opened a window and passed out her clothes, all neatly bundled into refuse sacks.
 
#91
rollerberg2000 said:
Never underestimate the levels to which a "loved one" will stoop when they've decided to **** you.
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As someone that was ALMOST the victim of the type of situation Johnny Crab described, I will reinforce this advice as well.

No matter HOW close you THINK you are, once they're threatened in a situation like this, they will be quite likely to be vindictive. In my case, it was the daughter that tried to instigate a "physical confrontation" and went to the lengths to involve law enforcement, even though there was zero evidence that anything had happened (because the only person that was assaulted in any manner was ME! :spit: ). Thankfully, the soon-to-be-ex knew the entire situation was BS and she had the class to say so to the officers that responded to the daughters bogus claims.

Scared the $4!7 out of me, for sure, and the daughter was told to never again darken my door thenceforth - by the police ;). The ex was still in the house for a month afterward (long explanation, but it was unavoidable at the time).
 
#92
Mike,

You may or may not be aware of this, but you're inadvertantly teaching said 19 y/o that it's "ok" doing what you disagree with. After all you say you're fully supporting her mother outside of her "personal bills". Which in turn means things aren't "equal".

I'm sure said 19 y/o will move away when she finds a supporter at these parties.

If everything is as you say, the girls mother has taught her that she needs to be nothing but a female to survive in this world.

God Bless, Ray
 
#93
LilRay said:
Mike,

You may or may not be aware of this, but you're inadvertantly teaching said 19 y/o that it's "ok" doing what you disagree with. After all you say you're fully supporting her mother outside of her "personal bills". Which in turn means things aren't "equal".

I'm sure said 19 y/o will move away when she finds a supporter at these parties.

If everything is as you say, the girls mother has taught her that she needs to be nothing but a female to survive in this world.

God Bless, Ray
Click to expand...

A very wise person I know once said something to me that has stuck with me:

"Acceptance is approval."

If you tolerate intolerable behavior, you are ENCOURAGING its continuance. Whatever the OP does, he would be well advised to draw a line and stand by it.
 
#94
Gard said:
A very wise person I know once said something to me that has stuck with me:

"Acceptance is approval."

If you tolerate intolerable behavior, you are ENCOURAGING its continuance. Whatever the OP does, he would be well advised to draw a line and stand by it.
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Which we also have a term for that it's called "Growing a Pair". :D
 

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