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Having issues with our drummer

Pretty much a rant, but I have to get this off my chest. We're a 5 piece r&b cover band. Been together for around 6 months. Over the course of those 6 months we've been learning songs and having a good time, except every song that has made it to the set list has been one of our drummers suggestions. Not only do most of his suggestions suck (too obscure, not going to draw a young crowd), I see this as unfair to have to learn his songs every week. Every time me or one of my bandmates suggests a song it just gets lost into oblivion. This bothered me for a long time and I'm not the passive aggressive type. Today I proposed a more democratic system where everyone gets to have an input. The whole band agreed except for him. It's like he's some sort of control issue. Like he can't understand why we don't want to just play his songs anymore. He even stated that he is ok with the new system as long as the songs we pick are "classic funk and r&b" because "that's what he founded the band on". When I joined the band it was him and a guitar player. So I'd say we're all "founding" members. I told him there's plenty of funk bands out there that play songs outside their genre. Now he's punishing us by sitting out of rehearsal tomorrow saying he needs to think. I would have left a long time ago, but everybody else in the band is so talented. He's about to get booted from his own band just because he doesn't want to give up complete control.

Anyone else ever deal with this type of selfishness in a bandmate? Did you get rid of them or did they conform?

Just sounds to me like a basic disagreement of what music to play. Drummer wants old school, you all want to attract a younger crowd. Those things rarely mix. I don't quite see it as selfish, but more so that he simply doesn't like the songs you all are choosing. Care to give any examples of the types of songs he wants to play versus what you want included on the song list?
 
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This has got interesting, the genre/style/song dynamic is very important but imv, is entirely how you sell it.

Some audiences are pretty basic, others can be quite 'educated'...
Obscure B sides killed will work in plenty of places.
Top 40 done badly, not so much.

THIS! EXACTLY THIS!

We purposely avoid the "typical" 45 songs which every cover band in the area seems to have on their list.

That said, we don't go "completely obscure" either.

(All of these examples are of bands where we're only doing one song)

AC/DC? No "Shook Me All Night Long" or "Back In Black". We do "Whole Lotta Rosie" or "Sin City" (we haven't settled on one or the other yet, we're still in " 'speriment mode".

Judas Priest? No "Another Thing Comin'" or "Livin' After Midnight". We're doing "Headin' Out To The Highway"

BOC? No "Don't Fear The Reaper". We're going with "Godzilla".

Again, not obscure, but all are songs we have heard (occasionally) on "Classic" rock radio.

We do do about 25% "deep dives", but those are songs that we put our own "stink" on.
 
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Yep, we do Superstition which is a staple round here, done to death, but singer has a spin on it and it works. I still think it isnt that great, but hey.
I suggested 'I wish' because i have a great idea for the bass line. Got rejected but I feel that is a lack of vision on the singers part, but he has to sell it, so I'm ok-ish with that. Still think we are missing this trick but some ppl can't think past the obvious bass line.
Ppl are still going to be dancing and loving it...but hey..
 
In my band anybody can suggest a song but it's really up to the singers as to what songs we move forward with. If I think a tune is cool I'll suggest it or maybe nonchalantly play the bass line at practice and see if anybody bites. Key is to not be butt hurt if nobody digs your suggestion. In the end it has to be up to the singers.
 
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A common cause of band failure is lack of direction and clear goals when first forming.

Two musicians meet and have a good vibe, so they recruit 2 or 3 more band members and everyone assumes this automatically constitutes a functional band where a working democratic process has spontaneously materialized. It rarely works that way.

What usually happens is everybody has their own ideas about band direction but the 1 or 2 band members with the most aggressive personalities dominate the process while the rest become increasingly frustrated.

To be successful, the rules need to be determined from the beginning, and every member has to understand and agree with them.

Even so, successful bands that are functionally democratic, where everybody has equal input, are relatively rare, although they're really cool when they do work.

Human nature being what it is, any band with 3 or more members will usually function better when there is a de facto decision maker and the other members accept their roles as perhaps providing creative input, but not really having an equal say.


Once this C-19 **** is in the rear view mirror, I'll be actively looking for a new band. One of my "must haves" is a band that has a clear and coherent direction and the ability to achieve our musical goals.

If I'll be joining an existing band, it means I'll be paying attention to their current decision making structure, and if it isn't functional, then I'll pass, no matter how talented they may be.

I'll also consider forming my own band, with myself as leader. I've done it before and it worked well for its purpose at the time. But to make it work, everyone who joins will need to understand what they're signing up for.
 
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