• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

Having issues with our drummer

#61
kaleel2g said:
They're just not the best possible picks for getting gigs
Click to expand...
Well, this can be subjective. Not that this is what you're suggesting, but I know a lot of people who think that Mustang Sally and Sweet Home Alabama are what you have to play to get gigs, but that doesn't mesh with my experience. My experience is that the more you differentiate yourself from the rest of the pack, the better your odds of getting a great response from the right people and the better clubs do not want the same old, same old.

But that's the kind of club I'm looking to work in, and it may not fit everyone. I'd have a conflict if someone wanted to play those songs in one of my bands. But if you want to play for certain types of crowds, maybe Mustang Sally is your best bet.

Is the band not getting gigs? What songs are you suggesting?
 
  • Like
Reactions: 12BitSlab
#62
Reviresco said:
I’d say he sees himself as the BL, especially since it sounds like he was the driving force in getting the band started, and had a certain style of music in mind when recruiting the pieces of the band. I do think he should be open to playing songs that others suggest though. Being a good leader in any line of work, you are assuming a position where keeping your employees/bandmates engaged and happy is critical to the over all success of the project.
Click to expand...

The drummer may have always thought of himself as the leader or has risen to fill a leadership void. Either way, "leader" in a band formed like this should not mean dictator. It doesn't sound like this is the rare exception, so nobody is make scads of money. So, to keep it fun and keep the buy in, everyone needs to have a voice in things like the set list.
 
  • Like
Reactions: JRA, 12BitSlab, Reviresco and 1 other person
#65
kaleel2g said:
It's been a group project since the beginning. He just keeps taking more and more control as time goes on
Click to expand...

There can only be one bandleader. Since you where not present from the start your not the natural BL. You could become BL but only if there’s nobody else. Otherwise your into a power struggle. Democracy does not work in bands or any small group. Input from members sure, but somebody has to set goals and make the final decision.

It took me years to understand this.

So given your situation. Suggest and adept or move on. If you fight and win you have the band but loose the drummer. If you loose your probably gone or leave.
 
  • Like
Reactions: BBQisgood
#66
Amano said:
There can only be one bandleader. Since you where not present from the start your not the natural BL. You could become BL but only if there’s nobody else. Otherwise your into a power struggle. Democracy does not work in bands or any small group. Input from members sure, but somebody has to set goals and make the final decision.

It took me years to understand this.

So given your situation. Suggest and adept or move on. If you fight and win you have the band but loose the drummer. If you loose your probably gone or leave.
Click to expand...

Very wise, but all the best leaders I’ve had are capable of compromise, and don’t sulk when their people ask for change.
 
  • Like
Reactions: JRA, HolmeBass, Amano and 3 others
#67
kaleel2g said:
Now he's punishing us by sitting out of rehearsal tomorrow saying he needs to think.
Click to expand...

giphy(5).gif
 
  • Like
Reactions: BBQisgood
#68
BBQisgood said:
Very wise, but all the best leaders I’ve had are capable of compromise, and don’t sulk when their people ask for change.
Click to expand...
Didn't sound like he's sulking, necessarily. Maybe just trying to process an unexpected confrontation. If he's been going along fine being the guy who makes decisions, and gets blindsided, it may be a matter of trying to decide if it's worth it to continue.

Honestly, if someone in my band were confrontational about insisting I play tired songs, I wouldn't want to move forward with that. The OP has been asked what songs he wants to do, but we don't know, because he hasn't answered that question. But if that were the case, I might very well tell them that I need some time to process that turn of events. The OP is characterizing this as punishment, which may be unfair.

I deal with a little of this sometimes with a guy in one of my bands who wants to do some of the tired stuff. Honestly he's just a little inexperienced and he doesn't realize how tired it is, but humoring him has cost me quite a lot of effort in terms of not being able to recruit good players to complete our ensemble because they see "Heart of Gold" and "Cinnamon Girl" on our songlist and won't go any further.

I've wasted a lot of time dealing with this. Tons. He is good, the band is good, but I have other opportunities and I ask myself sometimes if the juice is worth the squeeze. It's a reasonable position.

People have no idea what goes on behind the scenes sometimes. It's very easy to get disgruntled if you're not the one who's dealing with all these things and trying to do the smart things to move a band forward. So I'm really trying to see all sides here.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: rockdoc11, JRA, Lobster11 and 1 other person
#70
LBS-bass said:
Didn't sound like he's sulking, necessarily. Maybe just trying to process an unexpected confrontation. If he's been going along fine being the guy who makes decisions, and gets blindsided, it may be a matter of trying to decide if it's worth it to continue.

Honestly, if someone in my band were confrontational about insisting I play tired songs, I wouldn't want to move forward with that. The OP has been asked what songs he wants to do, but we don't know, because he hasn't answered that question. But if that were the case, I might very well tell them that I need some time to process that turn of events. The OP is characterizing this as punishment, which may be unfair.

I deal with a little of this sometimes with a guy in one of my bands who wants to do some of the tired stuff. Honestly he's just a little inexperienced and he doesn't realize how tired it is, but humoring him has cost me in terms of not being able to recruit good players because they see "Heart of Gold" on our songlist and won't go any further. I've wasted a lot of time dealing with this.

People have no idea what goes on behind the scenes sometimes. It's very easy to get disgruntled if you're not the one who's dealing with all these things. So I'm really trying to see all sides here.
Click to expand...

He basically wants to play old poopie that only other funk musicians really know. We're all ok with some of that, but realize it's we have to add newer stuff too if we want to get gigs.
 
  • Like
Reactions: LBS-bass and BBQisgood
#73
Ideological struggle exists everywhere, including in bands.
The ideology of the individual and competition, has and is always a reactionary based ideology.
It is closely related to the ego and emotions.
Hence now that his position of power is being challenged, he's not coming to rehearsal. Boohoo!!
This was inevitable. He says he "needs to think"... if only he had done this before, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

The most successful bands I've played in were bands where the whole band worked collectively for the benefit of the band. Egos still existed but they became more obvious on stage, less obvious in formulating plans of action.
Communication, friendly criticism and Self Criticism, knowing your part and playing a leading role in your given area according to the given conditions are just some of the aspects that help formulate a plan to success. Even if success is just to get one gig a month..
Collective work allows natural leaders to emerge and gives them the opportunity to apply their skills in the given areas that need attention. Nobody is a ruler... they are all workers and producers of music.
 
  • Like
Reactions: bassobrutto
#74
Drummers ey? I remember years ago there was a major heat wave down here and the guitarist and I couldn't get ahold of the drummer to confirm our regular practice. So we drove over and banged on his door for 15 minutes until he finally threw it open, wearing tighty whiteys and an irritated expression. He said it was too hot to practice, after much wheedling and threats on our side he agreed to come with us, on the condition that he wasn't putting on any more clothes. So we marched him out of his apartment complex like a prisoner of war, surprising a mother and child along the way. During the 45 minute freeway drive to the studio, he amused himself in the backseat of my van by periodically flinging open the sliding door while we drove past other cars. The finale was a poor lady nearly swerving off the road before we somehow managed to restore order.

And he's my best friend.
 
  • Like
Reactions: HolmeBass
#75
This appears to be a 4 band members vs 1 drummer issue.

What does the drummer bring to the table? Does he have fantastic chops, own the PA, get the gigs....

A great drummer is a real asset to band and I would tolerate a lot of crap. IF not, you can be like the band that had a singer name Faith. After they fired him, they became ......

I play call gigs, although my current gigging partners are becoming buddies. I dont have any of this angst in my life. If I screw up , I'm toast,. If they screw up, I'm busy.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: ELG60 and LBS-bass
#76
kaleel2g said:
Pretty much a rant, but I have to get this off my chest. We're a 5 piece r&b cover band. Been together for around 6 months. Over the course of those 6 months we've been learning songs and having a good time, except every song that has made it to the set list has been one of our drummers suggestions. Not only do most of his suggestions suck (too obscure, not going to draw a young crowd), I see this as unfair to have to learn his songs every week. Every time me or one of my bandmates suggests a song it just gets lost into oblivion. This bothered me for a long time and I'm not the passive aggressive type. Today I proposed a more democratic system where everyone gets to have an input. The whole band agreed except for him. It's like he's some sort of control issue. Like he can't understand why we don't want to just play his songs anymore. He even stated that he is ok with the new system as long as the songs we pick are "classic funk and r&b" because "that's what he founded the band on". When I joined the band it was him and a guitar player. So I'd say we're all "founding" members. I told him there's plenty of funk bands out there that play songs outside their genre. Now he's punishing us by sitting out of rehearsal tomorrow saying he needs to think. I would have left a long time ago, but everybody else in the band is so talented. He's about to get booted from his own band just because he doesn't want to give up complete control.

Anyone else ever deal with this type of selfishness in a bandmate? Did you get rid of them or did they conform?
Click to expand...


I’ve seen a lot of different things with “control” in bands I’ve been in over the years. Hell at one point I was the control freak in a band. Years ago I was playing originals with guys who were much earlier in their own music journey. Album after album I eased up and gave away more and more control. I think a lot of the reason I changed is over the years I saw those guys improve. Things changed from me feeling like everything they brought in sounded exactly the same to me having a lot of respect for them as songwriters. But not everyone is the same. I’ve seen people really get addicted to controlling the band. And that’s a tough thing to deal with. Your example is one of the things I’ve seen before. Like when everyone but one person wants to play a song but that one person doesn’t and absolutely refuses. Sometimes it’s for a decent reason. Often times there’s an underlying issue like a lack of confidence in themselves to play the song well. Im ok with not completely loving every single song I play at a gig. But I do want to be able to have fun playing. Knowing I feel like that I try to put myself in the shoes of others. But yeah sometimes people just get too addicted to control and you have to cut them loose because it gets to a point where it’s not fun anymore. Keeping it fun for everyone is one of the many balancing acts of maintaining a band long term.
 
#78
yeah fire the drummer....in my bands the basic rule is everyone has to be willing to learn and perform the tune. If the singer doesn't want to sing it for any reason...you have to sing it yourself. Singer then picks the key. Its a system that works well with no debate.
 

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back