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Help "letting go" a band member

J

JimboSlice423

Jan 23, 2013
25
0
#1
So here's the deal. I am bass player/manager of a 3 man band. The drummer just quit showing up to practice. Then told me and the guitarist that we need more practice. We had a show last Thursday and we bombed it. Played through every song when it was supposed to end, and had to stop playing in one he messed up so bad. So we are going to kick him out of the band. The issue is he is a friend. So do we lie and just say the band is breaking up? We are changing the name of the band and finding a new drummer. So technically that is semi true. Or just tell him he screwed up, get out. Please help.
 
#3
Tough, tough call. Maybe just level with him first- you know say, "We *all* need to practice on our own *and* rehearse together as a band to get better. You blew every ending at the last gig! So it's not just us who needs practice."

That's honest, and hopefully by sharing responsibility he won't feel like your just seeking revenge and will join back in the effort to get better.
 
#4
This is why I don't get too close to the musicians I hire. We're friendly, we hang out when we're on the road, but at home we don't really hang out.

I have had to fire a friend before when I was a manager at a day job. That wasn't too bad, he knew he had been screwing up, he had missed a few shifts without calling, and wasn't really present when he was there. His dad was dying of cancer, so it really wasn't his fault though. I kind of approached it like " I think you need to take some time off and be with your dad, you're really kind of phoning it in when you're here and I know it's because you need to be at home with your old man". He took it well, but it's not exactly the same situation.

The last musician I fired I just didn't call for the next tour. But he was never more than a hired gun in the first place.
 
#5
Me, I'd be honest. Tell him you're finding another drummer. If he's a friend he should understand. And if he's open and positive, he should take it as an eye opener that he needs to improve on his playing if he wants to be in a/the band. It's hard though. I was in a band once were we had to let go of the drummer. She almost started crying. I felt bad but the music wasn't going anywhere as a result of the limitations of her abilities. We just couldn't work with her. Subsequently, the band disbanded shortly afterwards because we couldn't find another drummer at the time. Sometimes you have to make the best call with the options provided. If you let him go, do you have someone else you can go to?
 
#6
We don't have another drummer yet, but we are gonna do a acoustic "tour" until we find one. We play all original and all are written acoustically then we add all the fun stuff. So everything sounds amazing both ways (not trying to toot our horn lol. Guitarist just writes some bad ass tunes).
 
#7
I would sit down with him and the other members and tell him that he needs to show up for practice and that he needs to up his game musically as well, other wise it is not going to work out . give him an allotted amount of time or one more show to work it out, and get practiced etc. it sucks to get that sort of bad news when you feel like it came out of left field, so I would just say give him a warning and a chance to do better. if he fails at it it will be easier for all parties involved to replace him. and if it is a few days before the show and he can not figure out when the song ends then tell him it is not going to work out, and play the show acoustic.

then again I'm a softie
 
#8
I would agree if he was a good drummer to begin with. Like I said, he is a friend, but a horrible drummer. He doesn't know hot to tune his set properly. It just always sounds like crap. And he can't keep a tempo to save his life. So either way he's not a good suit for the band.
 
#9
JimboSlice423 said:
I would agree if he was a good drummer to begin with. Like I said, he is a friend, but a horrible drummer. He doesn't know hot to tune his set properly. It just always sounds like crap. And he can't keep a tempo to save his life. So either way he's not a good suit for the band.
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well then sit down with the whole band and tell him that it is not working out be nice but be honest. don't lie to him, that is the worst thing you could do. it is not the act of lying that makes it bad, but the fact that if you still want to be his friend and you end up hiring another drummer, he will notice and be upset that you lied to him. treat him with kindness and dignity, and he will most likely understand. if he gets upset about it, allow him that right, and don't be a dick, or make him feel bad for making you feel bad. he will move on, and hopefully you can still be friends. just be sensitive to the fact that it sucks to be fired from anything, and that it sucks even more to be told you suck, no matter how sugar coated it is.
 
#15
JimboSlice423 said:
I would agree if he was a good drummer to begin with. Like I said, he is a friend, but a horrible drummer. He doesn't know hot to tune his set properly. It just always sounds like crap. And he can't keep a tempo to save his life. So either way he's not a good suit for the band.
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This type of 'Oh dear, what should I do?' post absolutely amazes me.

The guy stops showing up for practice and if he does he can't play drums! 'Oh dear, what should I do?'

He's not treating you like a friend. Sack up and deal with reality.

Don't PRETEND the band is breaking up - is this guy also terminally stupid?

He made the decision not to show up, so the band needs to move on. If he can't deal with the consequences of HIS actions and his lack of talent, that's his problem not yours.

If you're older than Jr. High age, you should be embarrassed to have to ask the question.
 
#16
ddnidd1 said:
If you're older than Jr. High age, you should be embarrassed to have to ask the question.
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Oh, give the guy a break. It's easy enough to be a hard@$$ on an internet forum; less so when you're the one who has to fire someone you consider to be a friend.

That said, there is no easy way out of this that I can see. The lying, breaking up and reforming... that stuff is pretty passive-aggressive and would be beneath my dignity, personally.

I believe you're going to just have to suck it up and let him go. Prepare yourself for the fact that it's going to be hard, he may take it badly, he may get emotional, and it may be the end of your friendship. Then do what you have to do.
 
#17
Bassist4Eris said:
Oh, give the guy a break. It's easy enough to be a hard@$$ on an internet forum; less so when you're the one who has to fire someone you consider to be a friend.
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It's not a question of being a harda$$ - how badly do some of the people in this type of recurring 'woe is me' post need to be screwed over before they take action to remedy a bad situation, if it might potentially hurt someone's feelings who has brought it on themselves?
 

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