How do I deal with this

[51PRI]

I have been in a bass/drum duo for two years now, its me on bass and vocals, and a drummer. The drummer is a foreigner, and moved to my country 11 years ago.

Our duo is doing great, have managed to get well known locally, and have got the biggest festival in town, got signed by a label and got vinyls and tapes and everything of merch after a gig in Denmark.

Our debut album drops this fall.

All of a sudden the drummer met a girl in his home country, and wants to move there because it will make him happier.

He still want to be in the band and make it work while living on the other side of the of the pond. I just dont see how.

He want us to book shows, and practice one day before, in our respective countries.
Same if we do a studio sesh.
I just dont see the motivation, and the fact that we will loose our weekly practises.

I have equipment worth way to much money, like 10k dollars worth in our rehearshal space. And since we cant do weekley practices anymore, I rather want a new drummer to work out new songs face to face, and do some actual practice.

This obviously hurt his feelings, and we are both frustrated by this now.
Its gotten to the point where he refuses me to continue without him. While Im confused how he can expect me not to continue without him of obvious reasons.
I want to grind it out weekly on my cabs and amps.

I feel its totally fair that he moves back to his country for love, no problem. But I feel its a bit unfair that I can't continue with a new drummer.

He also said moving back to his country with this woman will make him happier.
I would be more happy to still hustle this band around.

We managed to calm down for now about this.

Am I the *******?

Women win every time, don't they? Unless there is some good reason, that you didn't share with us, that would prohibit you from continuing the band with a different drummer, then that's what, in my opinion, you should do. Second option would be a sub drummer so you can still have rehearsals, going in with the understanding the he may or may not get to play gigs with you. Thirdly, reading between the lines, if this girl has the power to make your drummer decide to move "across the pond" for her she also has the power to get him to quit playing music altogether "for her." Proceed with that mindset.


Good Luck!

 

[Sapatown]

Women win every time, don't they? Unless there is some good reason, that you didn't share with us, that would prohibit you from continuing the band with a different drummer, then that's what, in my opinion, you should do. Second option would be a sub drummer so you can still have rehearsals, going in with the understanding the he may or may not get to play gigs with you. Thirdly, reading between the lines, if this girl has the power to make your drummer decide to move "across the pond" for her she also has the power to get him to quit playing music altogether "for her." Proceed with that mindset.


Good Luck!

Well, I have said the most of it.

He really tried to make this woman move to our location, but she refused and wanted him to go back to his home country.

Me and this dude have a strong bond, and we are soulemates kinda in this band. That is why it is hard for me to make a decision here.

As of rights and whatnot, we have never thought of it. Written by "Band".
This started like a fun thing, and grew to become much bigger than we thought maybe.

He have told me to move over the pond will make him happier. I think he is a bit confused and obviously want both things.

I think it could maybe work long distance, but I wanna use my expensive gear especially for this project, and dont let it be in a rehearshal space I pay for monthly.

He rather want me to start from scratch with a new band and new people.

Im old and tierd of doing that. When this project works I wanna do this.

That being said, I have written alll the riffs/melodies and 95% the lyrics.
He have helped alittle bit with arrangement and vocal melodies on two or three tracks.

We just never thought we would end up in this situation.

 

[pepj]

If you are offered the opportunity of a worthwhile gig or series of dates, ask him if he can do them or not. His choice and if not, tell him you are doing them anyway. As I understand it, he moved away and caused this.
I really do not see why you need to be a hostage to his actions because he basically ruled himself out of being able to continue.
He really can't expect you to close the office when he left the company

 

[Bassdirty]

Why can't his girlfriend YOKO move to your area.

FiFy.




T$