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How do I get “it”?

I think if you play each note as if your life was at stake, people can heart the difference.

make an experiment with a super simple groove. recorded it twice: first time straight, then concentrate to play each single note as if it was the last one on earth. Then listen and compare to see if you hear any difference.

This is demonstrably true. Here's Hal Galper saying "scream the notes to yourself." It is totally worth watching all 9 minutes or so of this:

 
I think its quite common to think others have it and oneself does not.
I'd be the first to admit that I don't have it.

However, others think differently. I get phone calls asking me to fill a spot because they have a gig and need a bassist that has it. The people calling think I got it. I certainly know that their regular bass player has it because I've seen him perform and confirmed that with my own ears.
 
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IT is a transcendent state where you’re mind & hands are on autopilot.

You listen intently to and lock in with the drums as though you’re one mind. A combination of note length & note placement. Workshop with your drummer for tips.

I find playing at home to a metronome really sharpens my skills, tightens up my note placement/counting subdivisions, and with consistent work playing that song becomes autopilot. Then practice without it straight after to the audio recording - should feel you have a lot more control, technically accurate but simultaneously smoother and automatic. YMMV.

Mojo is the next step after technical mastery.
 
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I think the old "10,000 hours" is part of it. I also think a lot if it is feeling the rhythm in your bones, which could be related. Dizzy Gillespie has said that a key to making music speak is, you should be able to dance to it. He was asked, "But you can't dance to bebop." Diz replied, "I can." And indeed, he used to do exactly that, when he wasn't playing - he'd go out on the floor and let loose with some moves. Part of how his nickname stuck. :)
 
Fortunately, according to your drummer, you have not put the cart before the horse: It's far more important to play simply and on time as a newer player than to jump in and play too busy, which simply unsettles everything.

To get IT, study how the great players did IT, learn to find your spot joining the drums to the rest of the instruments, practice thoughtfully, and the more you do IT, the faster you'll get IT.

After it's all said and done, it has to be fun, so always keep that in mind. I could never manage to meld dreaded drudgery of dogged drudgery practice and theory study with the endorphin rush of playing when it's all really, really good, so shoot for a balance between the work and the playing.
 
Stop thinking about what you're playing while playing it.

There's a time for thinking it out (practice) and a time to let all that go and just perform.

As for achieving "it", practice until not needing to think about what you're doing is second nature. Then play until it "clicks".

Sorry, that's probably not the clearest answer.
 
Listen to a lot of the music with the feel that you want to reproduce and then practice those bass lines. If the physical aspect of the instrument is getting in the way of your feel then practice until this is no longer the case. Record yourself and listen back often.
 
“It” is the difference between a bass player and a musician who happens to play bass.

Be a musician first. Listen to the ensemble. Serve the song. Add what the song needs, and don’t add anything that doesn’t improve the song.

I need to take my own advice sometimes….
 
Played guitar in a wedding band for over 20 years and also in some original projects. Over the years I seem to end up on bass for more and more gigs. Either gigs that pay less and we don’t need guitar or the bass player can’t play. This has been going on for many years but over the past few months I’ve actually gotten more serious about bass and practicing it. I’m really loving it.

Our band leader who is also the drummer has told me he actually prefers me to the actual bassist because I’m tight and keep things simple. However, I hear other bassists who just seem to have “it”. The just make it feel really good and that’s what I’m striving for.

Once we played with a very awesome Prince tribute act (The Purple Experience”. We were in the middle of Fire by the Ohio Players and I noticed the bassist from the Prince band was watching. I quickly handed him my bass mid-song and he sounded so great. It wasn’t that he was playing something real technical but it grooved so hard.

So, what’s the best way to develop that? How do I get that feel? I can play on time but I want to get “it”.
You either have it or you don't.
 
2 puffs right before band practice and you’ll be good to go lol.

In all seriousness, I think it just clicks for some. For me, it happened shortly after I had watched some bass instruction video in the late 90s (probably Victor Wooten) focusing on slap. It was the idea on making a drum beat. Slap is bass drum and pop is snare. I was like huh… play bass like a drummer plays drums. Granted I don’t play slap 100% of the time nor even 1% of the time with the music I usually play… but the idea still applies.
 
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My personal belief (and mantra) is that the music comes from the right hand, not the left. I look at my right hand like I am playing a percussion instrument in the band. I want to see some jiggle on the dance floor. I err on the side of playing simpler, and I err on the side of playing a little too loud. I try to be the voice of reason on stage, and if I do all the aforementioned, the band will follow me, and the band will sound better for it. That would be my definition of "it".
 
At risk of overgeneralizing, I'm not sure the GB/wedding scene is where you pick up the kind of "it" you're talking about. I've done some GB work and spent a few summers in a van playing weddings. These gigs in my experience are about providing a variety of recognizable covers of familiar tunes in an entertaining way that allows the audience to basically hear and sing along with the songs they know. Like, they're hearing you, sort of, but you're also triggering their memory of the record and the fun times they had listening to the song before. I haven't generally seen it being about reaching the heart of the music or sinking deep into a groove. You just have to get in the ballpark so they can hear the songs they know and love and preferably be entertaining to look at.

If you want to put a hump in your back and shake your sacroiliac, I would spend some time going deep. Listen to records that embody the kind of "it" that you want to manifest and then digging deep in to capture the feel. Like some here have said, consider not just whether you're faithfully playing the key notes, but the shapes of the notes - the attack, the body, the decay, the dead notes, the little slides and bends, the accented and ghosted notes. Listen to and cop where the notes land on the beat. Are you aggressively on the front of the beat or laying behind? What makes the song feel greasy or aggro? What's the difference between the attitude you get from the original players and the nerd belting out note perfect, soulless covers on YouTube? Feel how the song makes your body want to move. Then try to channel that feeling when you play along or perform. Go see some really good live music - original music, not cover bands. Observe and, more importantly, feel what the band is doing, how the interplay between the bass and drums (and everything else) contributes to that. An oddball exercise that might help is to try and copy environmental sounds like machines or animals, to get out of the rut of just plunking notes you're supposed to play.

To put it another way, use your ego to shift from the superego towards the id. I think the "it" you're looking for lives in the id.