How do I look like a real smooth jazz player?

[3rdpath]

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Bronson Pinchot plays bass? he's so smooth i should've known...

 

[Helix]

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***!!

 

[timber22]

I'd suggest something like this ... but add really dark sunglasses even if you are in a dark bar.

 

[wrench45us]

A lot would depend on your BMI and age

I'd like to see oversized newsboy caps back in style, but then again...

beards and hair buns, no really,seem to be very hot right now

 

[Admiral Akbar]

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Yeah sure, this video clip looks hilarious in silence, but when you put the sound back on, you quickly realize these cats are totally KILLING.

 

[aetheldrea]

Yeah sure, this video clip looks hilarious in silence, but when you put the sound back on, you quickly realize these cats are totally KILLING.

John Pattatuci (sp?) is maybe the best upright bass player I've ever seen in person. Never cared much for anything I heard him play electric, though. Looks like Chick Corea on keytar.

 

[Sav'nBass]

I thought we missed this one to go with the "How can I look metal thread?"

I play smooth jazz so smooth frozen butter melts into liquid cream when exposed to my smooth bass tones, but how will my look do the same to butter?

@john m

I think this sounds pretty smooth

At least it is jazz.

And if my bass play won't melt butter, I am sure my vocals would, even though I doubt it would be due to it's smoothness

By the way it's all programmed, played and recorded by me (including the sort of rhythm guitar/percussion loop).

Even clipped together a real video for it, although I can't take credit for the actual shots:

It definitely has to start with a hat..

 

[Makatak]

This

 

[Humbled]

Singing La Mer while playing Double Bass and wearing a tuxedo always worked for me.

 

[I Need a six...]

A purple leisure suit and aviator shades.

 

[Humbled]

Not me, but this is kinda what I'm talking about:

 

[3rdpath]

i think facial expressions are very important. jazz players tend to look like they're smelling something really foul like gym socks and campsite portapotties, whereas smooth jazz players look like they're smelling distant lavender, sage and money.

also, jazz players look like they dressed themselves and shouldn't have. smooth jazzers are dressed by their girlfriends.

 

[Rich McCoy]

Shave.

 

[Humbled]

...smooth jazzers are dressed by their girlfriends.

Yes! They are !

 

[noeinstein]

Pleats. BIG pleats. Probably some shoulder pads in your soft-serve sport jacket with the sleeves rolled up a little. No socks?

I don't really know, just ask "What Would Kenny G Wear?"

+1, I always ask myself, "What would Kenny G wear?" Then, I wear something else.

 

[Yaphet]

SHORTS. Wear shorts.

 

[Emanuel Apascaritei]

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[lifeoffroadbass]

I thought we missed this one to go with the "How can I look metal thread?"

I play smooth jazz so smooth frozen butter melts into liquid cream when exposed to my smooth bass tones, but how will my look do the same to butter?

Shave all the hair off your body!

 

[jg42]

Real smooth? Have to play fretless.
Add more strings, even if you don't use 'em.
Makes you look more "jazzy".
Don't stand - sit instead.

 

[GaryCorby]

Smooth jazz players don't have to worry about conforming to some genre image, unlike metal players, because they know they'll be accepted for their music no matter how they look.

Smooth jazz players know that comfort is very important, so for performances they dress down from their usual standards. They typically wear a quality cotton open-necked shirt, fashionable slacks and soft leather loafers. If they wear a cap, it will be an English flat cap in tweed (Porkpies are for fusion players and other smooth jazz wannabes).

After the show they will revert to their more usual Italian designer suit, silk shirt and cravat. If they wear spectacles, they will be from Giorgio Armani. They then gracefully make their way past the many women fans waiting outside. They always take care to make each fan feel special and collect phone numbers as appropriate, before reaching their recent model Aston Martin. Smooth jazz bass players always drive an Aston Martin, unless they're feeling racy, in which case they might take the McLaren 650s in their second garage for a spin. They don't drive the McLaren to performances though, because their bass rig won't fit in the boot (the boot in a 650s will barely hold a handkerchief; on the other hand it's 640 horsepower). The smooth jazz player will then drive off to his English country mansion and/or sixteenth century French manor house.

Hope this helps.