How do I look like a real smooth jazz player?

[One Drop]

Well, as a Dane, whose country supplies half of Europe with sticks of supermarket butter, you should know that butter will not melt into cream under any circumstances.

Just as cream is churned until it becomes butter, un-Smooth Jazz, otherwise known as 'Jazz', is actually transformed into margarine by a process known as 'gurning', perfectly illustrated in the clip linked above.

Beware, as this all enveloping substance, ingested without moderation, is capable of inducing nausea in great numbers of people exposed to it. It also turns cotton and silk into rayon, raises the waist of pleated pants by as much as the width of a 6 string bass, and changes solid colour shirts into patterns of alternating kittens and steam engines, and sometimes the spontaneous creation of narrow neckties resembling piano keyboards.

 

[Medicine Man]

Please don't make me wear a black suit with a bandleader matching vest. Aaahhhhh!

 

[rogerbmiller]

Pork pie hat. Skinny suit and skinny tie.

 

[SunnBass]

You are from Denmark so you will require numerous applications of the darkest tan-in-can you can buy.

Hmmm, please explain.

 

[SunnBass]

 

[bholder]

 

[bluesblaster]

what about a good old fashion Turtle Neck and a skinny chain necklace, and some sensible shoes. fashion and practicle all rolled into one

 

[Happynoj]

Dress shirt with neck button open and sleeves rolled up to elbows, slightly loose tie (double-windsor knot), Vest/Waistcoat (bottom button open of course) with pocket watch (chain attached to center button), non-pleated slacks/trousers (never wear pleats under any circumstances), oxfords or brogues that match your belt, argyle socks just in case anyone notices, and possibly a cool-guy hat (avoid pork pie at all costs - that is Marcus's thing).

That's not a smooth jazz musician, it's just an Englishman.

 

[Happynoj]

I'm thinking a purple turtleneck, grey action-slacks and brown chelsea boots. Pair with either a flat cap or a beret, depending on ethnicity.

 

[Jim Nazium]

Don't forget the perm! If your hair isn't naturally curly, you'll need a perm.

 

[Desirsar]

Pink shirt, either buttoned down or with a popped collar. Dockers.

No no no. It's not pink, it's mauve. This is important.

 

[bluesblaster]

I'm thinking a purple turtleneck, grey action-slacks and brown chelsea boots. Pair with either a flat cap or a beret, depending on ethnicity.

this, and ray bans. Oh , and a soul patch and/or goatee.... yes, that should do it

 

[thunderstation]

I thought we missed this one to go with the "How can I look metal thread?"

I play smooth jazz so smooth frozen butter melts into liquid cream when exposed to my smooth bass tones, but how will my look do the same to butter?

white shirt - black tie - sleeves rolled up - pegged pants - no socks comfortable shoes (desert boots)

 

[Happynoj]

this, and ray bans. Oh , and a soul patch and/or goatee.... yes, that should do it

They would have to be Wayfarers though.

 

[skwee]

soul patch. ponytail.

 

[Humbled]

This is how it's done...

 

[Humbled]

John Clayton on bass.

 

[xUptheIronsx]

Smooth jazz guys don't have to worry about what is on top b/c their 50 string bass is slung right up under their chin, and goes to their belt line

Smooth jazz guys don't care what other people think about what they are wearing....b/c there are generally no people at the shows...

Smooth jazz guys dress like it is the 80's...cause smooth jazz is pretty much the 80's

 

[rtslinger]

I'd say Fedora, sunglasses nice dark suit, skinny tie shoes that shine as much as your bass

 

[Ken Lloyd]

Must wear a hat. A stingy brim, pushed up so it's almost on the back of the head.