How to tell my parents?

[Roy Vogt]

I totally understand. Every time I tell someone where I wanna go, I need to add "No, I don't smoke" to the end of it. Anything that would inhibit or interfere with my music is not something I'm interested it.

Understood....
Another factor you might need to investigate is if you can legally work there and how you might need to negotiate that with Immigration, etc. In the UK in particular I know it can be dodgy to just come in and work. Not sure about the Netherlands since I was always on a tour when I went there.
Amsterdam is like New York, London, or Nashville for that matter. There are a few places in each where it's just plain dangerous to hang. I can vividly remember guys coming up to us in the streets to try to sell us heroin while we were walking from bar to bar checking things out. You just have to be careful there.

 

[darkstorm]

Have you done real research on what jobs you can get long term with music major that will pay the costs of supporting yourself reasonably well? And would you be happy with these jobs? If you can answer yes to both of these then share that info with your dad. At least that would show your looking beyond "playing music for a living" which in reality seldom works out long term.

 

[dmonroe]

A double major in Music and Marketing is your best option IMO. There are so many things you can do with it, make a steady income and still be involved with music. Who knows, you may find you have an even bigger talent in some area of music other than just playing.

 

[mambo4]

There are many skills that apply directly to or enhance a career in music that also can be careers unto themselves

in my band we have a healthy set of 'auxilliary' skills outside of music:
Graphic design
photography
recording / engineering
web design
electronic repair

all of these have been resources to help the band, as well as day jobs for many of us.. so don't overlook the crossover skills that can both help a musician/band as well as being jobs unto themselves.

 

[pbasswil]

So many ways to look at this!

Lots of good points have been made about the financial hardships of a music career. I personally happen to have been happier as a poor musician than I ever would have been as a prosperous businessman. But everyone has to make their own decision on that.

I'm glad you're 16; so much can change over the next few years.

I don't know what the "correct" strategy is, but one point I'll make is this:

If music is truly your passion, you're going to invest your time and attention into it -- whether you end up at Berkeley or not. We can all look up the definition of "passion", right?

If you love it, the only thing that will keep you from progressing, musically, is if you let some other agenda (for instance, your parents' academic dreams for you) side-track you from music.

I sure don't recommend getting into an adversarial showdown with them. When that happens, both sides (you, parents) harden, and you each try to sabotage the other's wishes. There are no winners, that way.

I'd say: try to accommodate to their wishes -- but only so far as you can retain enough time in a day to devote to your passion.

At the end of the day, it's your life. But you being 16, they're probably not ready to relinquish their role in guiding you toward what they think is a good life.
That's not a bad thing, it's normal at this stage of your life.

I'd just advise strongly that you never let go of what you love. Once people do, they rarely pick it up again later in their complex lives -- at least, not in its pure, intense form.
I think that's real sad.

Life is both long and short. We in the Western developed world have achieved a quality of lifestyle that has never been seen before in history - ever. If we can't take some our good fortune and invest it in the luxury of choosing to do what we love -- then exactly what good has all those centuries of material progress done us???

 

[Rudreax]

Good luck with everything. If you ever do talk to your dad, let us know how it goes. Regardless of your choice, we all got your back.

 

[bluewine]

Get a degree that will allow to get a good job teaching music at the HS level.

You will be paid well, have the summers off and you can retire at 55. With teaching you will have plenty of time to for other stuff. And your parents will be cool with it.

 

[edwinhurwitz]

Get a degree that will allow to get a good job teaching music at the HS level.

You will be paid well, have the summers off and you can retire at 55. With teaching you will have plenty of time to for other stuff. And your parents will be cool with it.

Unless you live in Wisconsin. JK.

I've gone through the opposite experience, where I had to tell my parents about the crazy idea of going to law school at age 50 after being a touring musician and location recording engineer for 25 years. Luckily they were supportive, but I'm beginning to think, one semester away from graduation, that I was nuts. The legal market has had the bottom fall out, I am by no means near the top of my class, and my legal aspirations are to help people who probably don't have the means to pay for it, so it looks like I might starve for my love of the law as much or more than I have for music.

Starve is relative word, but I guess my point is that if I had done this 25 years ago, I would been much more assured of making a very good living. However, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything. Follow your dreams. We only have one life and if you live it authentically, you will find a way to make it work and the people who are important to you will support you in it. My wife followed her dreams in the art world and while the big money is still elusive, she is now recognized as one of the premier independent perfumers of the world. She's got nose chops like Victor Wooten or Oteil. At any moment she could have bailed to get a job to make safer money (although no job is safe right now if it doesn't involve capital gains and leveraged margins), but she didn't. There was no career path for her to follow, so she made it up. I guess the point is that in the arts, you have to create your life path and be the best at it you can. You don't have to know where it's going to end up, you just have to get to work and do it. Be a ninja expert.

 

[Stumbo]

If you ever do talk to your dad, let us know how it goes.

FYI...this thread is from 7/2010...I wonder how it really did go?

The OP's last post on TB was 9/25/11...guess he's in school...

 

[henry2513]

I know plenty of career musicians, guys who went to college for music, and most of them are barely eeking out a living. The only guys I know that are making a decent living in music are supremely talented, I'm talking about guys who were written up in Downbeat magazine and were winning national awards as jazz soloists in high school

 

[cnltb]

I've already made the decision that I want to have a career in music. It's really the only thing I can say that I am completely passionate about. The problem is my parents... my mom already kinda knows that I want to go to Berklee. I've been working on reading and theory all summer and I'm taking a few music classes to try and relearn everything I learned from my band class. I'm trying to pick up a few more instruments to expand my musical knowledge too... the problem is my dad. He's going to be the one paying my tuition, and he isn't exactly too into the idea of a career in music. He constantly complains that I play my bass too much and that music "isn't gonna take you me anywhere in life". One time I tried to bring up the topic of college and I mentioned Berklee, he said "it's a good college... if you wanna do something in music, but that's a waste of time." I am devoted to music and want to do this for a living, but my dad is pretty discouraging. How do I break it to him that this is what I want to do with my life. And I know, I'm only 16 and a lot of you are probably thinking that I'm gonna go be a teenager and change my mind tomorrow, but music is something I really want to do forever and would love nothing more than making a living out of it. Any advice on how to deal with trying to get my dad to understand?

Regardless of what you end up with I'd strongly suggest you train in a more "mainstream" job as well as music, or maybe do a teacher course as well as a music degree...just so you have something to fall back on or to fill those times when there's not much playing work coming your way.
This may "save your life".

 

[Lee H]

I've already made the decision that I want to have a career in music. It's really the only thing I can say that I am completely passionate about. The problem is my parents... my mom already kinda knows that I want to go to Berklee. I've been working on reading and theory all summer and I'm taking a few music classes to try and relearn everything I learned from my band class. I'm trying to pick up a few more instruments to expand my musical knowledge too... the problem is my dad. He's going to be the one paying my tuition, and he isn't exactly too into the idea of a career in music. He constantly complains that I play my bass too much and that music "isn't gonna take you me anywhere in life". One time I tried to bring up the topic of college and I mentioned Berklee, he said "it's a good college... if you wanna do something in music, but that's a waste of time." I am devoted to music and want to do this for a living, but my dad is pretty discouraging. How do I break it to him that this is what I want to do with my life. And I know, I'm only 16 and a lot of you are probably thinking that I'm gonna go be a teenager and change my mind tomorrow, but music is something I really want to do forever and would love nothing more than making a living out of it. Any advice on how to deal with trying to get my dad to understand?

Wait...do you mean University of California at Berkeley?
I don't even like that town, and my last name is Herrick (yeah, the same as the hospital and the steel company)

 

[Stumbo]

BERKLEE | Berklee College of Music

Berklee College of Music
1140 Boylston Street
Boston, MA 02215 USA

Phone: 617 266-1400

 

[happyg]

You know........when I graduated HS, I wanted to be an actor. I loved acting. Hell, I even got a partial scholarship. My parents were supportive. Fast forward a few years and I graduate with a degree in Poli Sci and a minor in Psych(I hate politics) I was thinking real world, law school blah blah blah. The thing was....I wasn't well informed of possible career choices with a degree in theater. If I could go back, I would of stuck with the acting. But, I would also take the necessary steps to be able to teach theater at the college level.

 

[pringlw]

You're 16 and have a passion for music. I was there. In your exact situation, except maybe not as dedicated as you at the time. Do not do music for the money. I don't.

I agree with this.

For me personally, I am really happy I didn't make that choice. When I was 16 I was in the same situation. I was in a pretty serious band, and I was determined to pursue a music career.

I stayed at music, but (under pressure by my parents) I absolutely seriously pursued an alternative career. In my case, that alternative did end up becoming my real career.

With this alternative career, I make good money. Music is a serious part of my life, but its not how I make my money. In fact, the fact that I don't need to make money from Music is incredibly liberating for me as it allows me to play and gig exactly as I want to. I don't need to play things I don't want to just to get paid. I do just what I want.

My fellow band mates both stayed in music. One has become a modestly successful studio musician and lives a good life (without a lot of perks or extras). The other was in a recording band with a minor hit or two. He left the band about 7 years ago and I believe is now pulling minimum wage doing non-music things.

It is very hard to make money in music. Some people do - god bless them - but its not a long list. I can tell you that I have a different attitude about making money at 42 than I did at 16. You need money, especially if you have a family that depends on you.

So I'm not saying that you should not pursue music - or Berklee. You should always pursue your passions in life. But I am absolutely agreeing with those that say its smart to have a really serious backup plan. That gives you choices as you move through your life.

 

[LiquidMidnight]

I know this is an old thread, but I disagree with the premise that there isn't a lot of money to be made in music, particuarly as a musician. There's actually a decent amount of coin to be made if you work hard and don't turn your nose up at certain gigs because it's not the style you most enjoy.

HOWEVER!!!!!! The difficulty is maintaining a standard of income throughout your career as a musician. Not to get all Buddhist on everyone, but the world is in constant flux. One minute, you're in a great project making bank, the next minute, that project folds and there goes your income. If you're an accountant and you get two years experience, you put that on your resume. Then, if your firm folds, you leverage your experience into the next job, which if the market is good, pays as much if not more than your last job.

It doesn't work that way in music. Just because your previous project made a lot of money, doesn't mean that you're next project is going to. Unless you're a huge superstar, people aren't going to care about your next project just because you're in it. I see new bands pop up, and their bios gush about the members' previous projects...as if anyone actually cares. My drummer played in a band with a super talented guitarist in a very successful project. After that project was done, the guitarist had to get by doing acoustic shows and running sound for a few years until he ended up in another highly paid gig. The guitarist makes $45k a year on music alone now. The band actually banks all gig money and cuts themselves a paycheck every week. But if that project were to fold, the guitarist would be back where he was a few years ago.

 

[bluewine]

Get a degree that will allow to get a good job teaching music at the HS level.

You will be paid well, have the summers off and you can retire at 55. With teaching you will have plenty of time to for other stuff. And your parents will be cool with it.

 

[Ric5]

I've already made the decision that I want to have a career in music. It's really the only thing I can say that I am completely passionate about. The problem is my parents... my mom already kinda knows that I want to go to Berklee. I've been working on reading and theory all summer and I'm taking a few music classes to try and relearn everything I learned from my band class. I'm trying to pick up a few more instruments to expand my musical knowledge too... the problem is my dad. He's going to be the one paying my tuition, and he isn't exactly too into the idea of a career in music. He constantly complains that I play my bass too much and that music "isn't gonna take you me anywhere in life". One time I tried to bring up the topic of college and I mentioned Berklee, he said "it's a good college... if you wanna do something in music, but that's a waste of time." I am devoted to music and want to do this for a living, but my dad is pretty discouraging. How do I break it to him that this is what I want to do with my life. And I know, I'm only 16 and a lot of you are probably thinking that I'm gonna go be a teenager and change my mind tomorrow, but music is something I really want to do forever and would love nothing more than making a living out of it. Any advice on how to deal with trying to get my dad to understand?

Just tell them you want to go to an expensive college and pursue a career in a field that you will have a less than 1% chance of success. Also while working in this field you will have a greater chance of becoming a substance abuser and probably have a shorter life. And since you probably won't make it big you will need financial support to keep above the poverty level. Also touring will probably cause you hearing loss and health problems.

 

[fdeck]

Get a degree that will allow to get a good job teaching music at the HS level.

You will be paid well, have the summers off and you can retire at 55. With teaching you will have plenty of time to for other stuff. And your parents will be cool with it.

Agreed. Especially if you can give lessons on the side.

Pretty much everybody I know who makes a decent middle class living in music is either a schoolteacher, or teaches classical music to kids. To he latter end, either learn piano or violin.

 

[Pacman]

Get a degree that will allow to get a good job teaching music at the HS level.

You will be paid well, have the summers off and you can retire at 55. With teaching you will have plenty of time to for other stuff. And your parents will be cool with it.

I worked with ex-music teachers for years. They went into it for the reasons you state, then found out they had ZERO time for their own music.