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How would you feel about this...
- Thread starter TWolf
- Start date
Shades of Michael Madsen in Reservoir Dogs.. Do I hear Steelers Wheel - Stuck in the Middle with You?
Wow, you are playing with a bunch of spineless dickheads. Personally I would take no issue being replaced in one project and taking part in a different one with much of the same personnel if everyone had been honest about it like normal grown-ups (how old are you guys?), but this high-school type of crap is something else - these guys are still behaving like kids and/or have no respect for you. I'd find another project as soon as possible.
There's no way to feel good about this; I know, I've been there. I was cut from a band under similiar circumstances. The BL wanted a second guitar player and he found a guy who would only join up if his bass player was included. Looking back I realize that the BL who played guitar and sang was in over his head; he really NEEDED that second guitar player to make things work. In my case the BL told me that our regular practice was cancelled, but that was the evening he auditioned the second guitar player and my replacement. A couple days later he notified me that I was out.
You have already found a new project, so I would just move on with that and make it as good as possible. That doesn't mean I would forget what the others did, I would just never give them the opportunity to treat me that way again. In my case, that band and BL with the BIG ideas was never heard of again, so there is some satisfaction in that outcome. Bands come and go, sometimes before you are ready and some times not soon enough. I find that it's sometimes hard to not take personally, but it's just the nature of the business.
Thump on,
One_Dude
You have already found a new project, so I would just move on with that and make it as good as possible. That doesn't mean I would forget what the others did, I would just never give them the opportunity to treat me that way again. In my case, that band and BL with the BIG ideas was never heard of again, so there is some satisfaction in that outcome. Bands come and go, sometimes before you are ready and some times not soon enough. I find that it's sometimes hard to not take personally, but it's just the nature of the business.
Thump on,
One_Dude
We are in our 40's. And yes, I agree. That is a big issue... I had to read about it on fb.
I was a part of this "project" 6 months ago. Then the guy (Rick) quits and the project dissolves. Then a few months later Rick is back with my bandmates and his bestie bass player and the project is back on. And Not a word to me about it. It's just not sitting well.
As long as they're not preventing your ability to earn,
...but once/if they do,
screw 'em
You, Bob, Stu, and the guitarist that replaced Rick have already gigged and have another in the pocket. I'm taking that to mean you've made a little money. If Bob and Stu are in the way of your paper, then you and the guitarist need a drummer and vocalist, they aren't hard to find.
...but once/if they do,
screw 'em
You, Bob, Stu, and the guitarist that replaced Rick have already gigged and have another in the pocket. I'm taking that to mean you've made a little money. If Bob and Stu are in the way of your paper, then you and the guitarist need a drummer and vocalist, they aren't hard to find.
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Now that you know what you dealing with, be glad you didn’t waste any more time than you did and find some new players to work with.
I don't think you'r over reacting and I'd feel as bad and betrayed as you do right now.
Basically this...
And this...
I think that you should at least talk directly to your current bandmates and ask what they feel about this and what is their current commitment to your band, since you already have things scheduled and you need to be sure that you're project is going forward.
Nevertheless, I'd be looking for other stuff as well since noone had the decency to tell you anything about it and I wouldn't consider them trustworthy from now on.
Seems to be a thing these days where people feel it's ok to just replace you or move on with out any notice or communication about it and you're just supposed to be ok with it. A band I was in for almost 4 years just moved on and I never got a call or a text or an email and I'm the jerk for questioning it. Even a guy I was going some side work for just simply ghosted me. No explanation, no communication.
How about this, if you dont' feel you can hang with the two guys that started the new band:
a) Be transparent and ask them what the heck is going on. Get their probably unacceptable answers. You might find them to be sufficiently apologetic to trust them again. But probably not. You may find they didn't know what to do because of the other band leader making these decisions first.
b) based on these answers, indicate your feelings about it. Then tell them you are moving on without them. Find two more guys and keep going with your current band under the same name.
c) What goes around, comes around. As an alternative to (b), you tell the two guys that you're not doing this anymore. Then, find two guys to replace them, and then keep working your current band under the same name. Don't tell them they've been fired.
d) Keep working with the two guys until the band gets traction. You don't want to be always starting over. Get the band happening and see what gives. With a subsequently happening band, if you meet new people who are a better fit, or they aren't available, replace them with subs who eventually take their positions. Keep them in the band, but on thin ice.
I don't like (c ) and (d ) very much. I prefer b). You don't want to burn bridges and create ill-will like they have. Some people have an emotional maturity that will allow them to refer gigs and work together even though mutual interest in a project waned. But at the same time, I don't trust these guys for not telling you. They could have been apologetic and indicated the hard spot the other guy put them in. They could have affirmed their commitment to you and your group by indicating they wanted to stay, if you were OK with it.
But no...they were wusses.
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Feel insulted. They snuck around behind your back to eliminate you from something. Now you know who they are and what their level of respect for you is. If you keep playing with two of them, they will likely do it to you again some day if it's convenient for them. So if you do keep playing with them, make sure it's fulfilling for you, and your eyes are wide open about your bandmates.
Yeah. It's a sh*tty situation! Best to try to communicate with them as calmly as possible, Don't get too emotional involved, like in any relationship communication is the key, and repairing trust is the hardest thing to recover, after losing any respect for them. I'd cut bait, unless contracts were signed, or if your money is involved. if only your time is invested, kick rocks! before getting any further with them, you can't trust anyone in that "band". and you're setting yourself up for future pain & suffering if you stay. They don't have your back! If you can't trust them now, at a small/low level, what happens when/if things get going to higher levels (they will screw you over, for sure)? spare yourself now. sounds like rick & John are pretty tight, anyway. If it's a good idea, Start your own Band! Screw them!!
OP here,
I want to give a big thank you to everyone who took the time to respond to this thread. Tons of great feedback, advice, and most of all support and encouragement. So, sincerely THANK YOU to all.
I've decided to leave the current situation with Bob and Stu and find some new dudes to play with. I've already notified Bob (vocalist) via text message and will meet with him tomorrow evening when I pick up my gear from his house. I may or may not agree to do the August gig already on the books depending on how that conversation goes. If the text conversation was any indication though, it doesn't look promising.
I want to give a big thank you to everyone who took the time to respond to this thread. Tons of great feedback, advice, and most of all support and encouragement. So, sincerely THANK YOU to all.
I've decided to leave the current situation with Bob and Stu and find some new dudes to play with. I've already notified Bob (vocalist) via text message and will meet with him tomorrow evening when I pick up my gear from his house. I may or may not agree to do the August gig already on the books depending on how that conversation goes. If the text conversation was any indication though, it doesn't look promising.
Sounds like you came to an appropriate conclusion. Best of luck finding musicians you can trust.
I hope this doesn't seem preachy but...
One lesson to take away from this might be that if you have the elements for an effective band don't change everything when one member bails. Maybe things still would have ended similarly but they'd at least have had consult you or fire you in-person to move the lineup around.
I hope this doesn't seem preachy but...
One lesson to take away from this might be that if you have the elements for an effective band don't change everything when one member bails. Maybe things still would have ended similarly but they'd at least have had consult you or fire you in-person to move the lineup around.
I'm a big believer in being open and honest. If someone's not cutting it I'll tell them why and replace them but it's done in private and in the nicest way possible. Rick and the other dudes were not open and honest with you.
Now your two current members play in the other band, what happens when you eventually get conflicting gigs? They will probably bail on you, right?
I'm all for moving on in this case because it sounds like they will support Rick over you when it comes to the crunch.
I've been around a long time, I've seen this from various members over the years, the team players stick with it and are committed, the loners typically look after themselves and bail out if they get something they perceive is a better deal for them. Mostly the ones that bail want to come back, sorry, I don't do requests.
Now your two current members play in the other band, what happens when you eventually get conflicting gigs? They will probably bail on you, right?
I'm all for moving on in this case because it sounds like they will support Rick over you when it comes to the crunch.
I've been around a long time, I've seen this from various members over the years, the team players stick with it and are committed, the loners typically look after themselves and bail out if they get something they perceive is a better deal for them. Mostly the ones that bail want to come back, sorry, I don't do requests.
