Why? It's not his responsibility to educate them where they messed up. Just up and leave and let them figure it out. ...or not.
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How would you feel about this...
- Thread starter TWolf
- Start date
Why? It's not his responsibility to educate them where they messed up. Just up and leave and let them figure it out. ...or not.
Rather than just walk away, I would fire Bob and Stu, and replace them. You can not trust those guys.
Tell "Bob" and "Stu" (funny how their initials = BS, ain't it?) the same thing "Rick" told you. Then, you and the new guitar player replace BS; and move on. Life is too short to sweat stuff like this, anyway. Personally, though; the only way to avoid stuff like this is to avoid being in a band altogether. Which is why, after the band I was in broke up in 1973 (as GI bands inevitably do), I figured that the chances of ever being in such a good, tight band again were... slim; and was never in one again. My music room is always drama-free - unless something breaks...
Welcome to the music business... this sounds like the type of BS that most of us have dealt with at one time or another, particularly before we turn 30. There is no point in being anything but pragmatic about it. Ask yourself these questions:
1. Do you like the other two guys in your current band?
2. Do you like the material?
3. Are you making good progress?
If the answer to these questions is yes, then keep at it. Be the better person and keep your trap shut. The time will come, but be patient - it's not now. Keep playing and learning. If this group stays together you will have your chance to clear the air eventually.
If the answer to these questions is no, bail and find something else to do. I would be looking for something else starting immediately in any case.
In either scenario, be professional. Leave these guys a reason to call again. You never know how circumstances will change. Music is a people business - there's lots of folks who can play, be that guy who can play, be relied on, and get along with folks.
For crying out loud, don't over-react. It's a stupid waste of time and energy. there are a world full of people to play with.
1. Do you like the other two guys in your current band?
2. Do you like the material?
3. Are you making good progress?
If the answer to these questions is yes, then keep at it. Be the better person and keep your trap shut. The time will come, but be patient - it's not now. Keep playing and learning. If this group stays together you will have your chance to clear the air eventually.
If the answer to these questions is no, bail and find something else to do. I would be looking for something else starting immediately in any case.
In either scenario, be professional. Leave these guys a reason to call again. You never know how circumstances will change. Music is a people business - there's lots of folks who can play, be that guy who can play, be relied on, and get along with folks.
For crying out loud, don't over-react. It's a stupid waste of time and energy. there are a world full of people to play with.
The 'other' band doesn't really concern me. Anybody can do what they wish.
What 'does' concern me is the absolute lack of nads on the part of Dil and Do, to be honest with you.
I could not and would not trust them ever... If I can't trust someone, I will not work with them as a regular diet... I would owe them nothing as evident in that they feel they owe 'YOU' nothing... I will not be miserable just to play with Dil and Do....
Your call on what you do. In the end, it matters not what I or anybody else in here would do. It is how comfortable you feel with the options in front of you that should dictate your course of action....
Life's too short to be miserable... In the end, you owe them zero, nuttin, nada, zip, null....
Your call....
What 'does' concern me is the absolute lack of nads on the part of Dil and Do, to be honest with you.
I could not and would not trust them ever... If I can't trust someone, I will not work with them as a regular diet... I would owe them nothing as evident in that they feel they owe 'YOU' nothing... I will not be miserable just to play with Dil and Do....
Your call on what you do. In the end, it matters not what I or anybody else in here would do. It is how comfortable you feel with the options in front of you that should dictate your course of action....
Life's too short to be miserable... In the end, you owe them zero, nuttin, nada, zip, null....
Your call....
Ok Rick sucks. We can all agree to that. Rob and Stu, like many, took the path of least resistance. Not stellar, especially not confiding in you, but honestly I would let it go. Keep on with your current band with them. I would tell them that I think Rick is an underhanded rat bastard and the at first you were hurt that they joined him, but that you realize everyone is free to work with whatever projects they want to and you understand why they’re doing it, and that you hope they continue to work with you on your current project.
If they are at all stand up dudes they will begin to question working with Rick. If not your current project with them will probably break up soon. Both courses are better than you just ditching them right now and making them feel like Rick was right all along.
Look seriously for another project to work with, either in tandem with what you have now or as an eventual replacement. Stay fluid, try not to hold grudges against people who really have done you no wrong other than just being somewhat opportunistic and weak-willed.
Slash Rick’s tires when you have the chance.
If they are at all stand up dudes they will begin to question working with Rick. If not your current project with them will probably break up soon. Both courses are better than you just ditching them right now and making them feel like Rick was right all along.
Look seriously for another project to work with, either in tandem with what you have now or as an eventual replacement. Stay fluid, try not to hold grudges against people who really have done you no wrong other than just being somewhat opportunistic and weak-willed.
Slash Rick’s tires when you have the chance.
This one example of hinky behavior will almost surely be a gateway towards more hinky behavior. It’s a tell about who and what you’re dealing with - where there’s smoke, there’s fire. Although doubtful, God forbid if any money could possibly be had and might exchange hands.
I’d walk, with no reservations or looking in the rear view mirror.
I’d walk, with no reservations or looking in the rear view mirror.
So evidently it’s not a total shock that this has happened. If you never liked him, he probably knows it. I’m sure you have good reasons, but this would explain his plotting. Some people deal with things straight up, others don’t.
Bottom line, do you have a good enough relationship with either of the two guys in your ‘new’ band to go for a beverage and ask what happened? Try that, but if you have bad vibes about the two guys in your new band, either set them aside (tough to do, sometimes) or blow it all up and start again.
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I’ll preface by saying I read the OP and nothing after - so perhaps I missed some additional info. But.
It sounds to me like for some reason, the other bassist is considered by the others to be a better fit than you. Maybe a better player, maybe a more friendly guy, heck maybe he’s in better physical condition than you are? He owns cooler hats? Who knows. I know I don’t have all the details. The bottom line is, you are out, he is in. Move on. The conditions of the ‘ reformed with same name’ etc- whatever. It’s small potatoes. You can get hung up on that or not - more than likely, they are trying to prevent hurt feelings, bad vibes, and negative FB posts.... Go find your next gig - it’s water under the proverbial bridge.
Let me edit by saying that yeah - it would be very difficult - if not impossible - to continue with the other 2 in the other project. I’d walk more than likely.
It sounds to me like for some reason, the other bassist is considered by the others to be a better fit than you. Maybe a better player, maybe a more friendly guy, heck maybe he’s in better physical condition than you are? He owns cooler hats? Who knows. I know I don’t have all the details. The bottom line is, you are out, he is in. Move on. The conditions of the ‘ reformed with same name’ etc- whatever. It’s small potatoes. You can get hung up on that or not - more than likely, they are trying to prevent hurt feelings, bad vibes, and negative FB posts.... Go find your next gig - it’s water under the proverbial bridge.
Let me edit by saying that yeah - it would be very difficult - if not impossible - to continue with the other 2 in the other project. I’d walk more than likely.
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Anyway, to draw a comparison, here's a true story with a happy ending. Steve Harley had a band and everything was going great, he had loads of songs, the band were tight, fame and fortune looked to be not too far into the future. Then he found out that the whole band had formed a heavy metal band behind his back with a new singer! He re grouped with a new band, got a record deal and then hit them with his piece de resistance, his new bands first song, "Come Up and See Me, (Make me Smile)" went into the top ten on the UK chart and was basically saying to his old band mates, look at me now and look at you. His band, Cockney Rebel. True story.
Moral:
Don't get mad, get even
Moral:
Don't get mad, get even
I would bail, it all sounds quite messy. Look for another band and be done with them.
There is a foreseeable problem that may happen sooner or later with this two bands scenario with stu n Bob...clearly their loyalty is with Rick and that band...so a gig scheduling conflict comes up...they will go with the band with rick..maybe even if you have a scheduled gig already...I can see the possibility of it happening..plus they kept you in the dark on something already which suggests it will happen again...most likely..sorry bout this, but you're probably better off searching out a new band to experience and if anything let this motivate you to be in a better band and be the better bass player..make them sorry...success is the best revenge.
Sheesh... Pretty messed up how that went down.
I know the "mature" thing to do is not to hold grudges and move forward, but putting myself in your shoes, I'd be pretty pissed, too. That's not cool at all in my book, and the fact that Bob and Stu have mentioned nothing would be like an extra kick in the gut
... I'd probably stay with that group, but only until I could find another one. The next one may be just as bad (or worse), but it could also be the best move you ever made, musically.
This band stuff is a whole lot of fun when it's fun, but I'm learning it can definitely get messy at times.
Sorry that happened, dude.
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Don't know what I was thinkin... Screw Bob and Stu, too... I wouldn't be able to play with them after having found out about what happened like you did... Cut em off, shed, and move on to find some more people to play with. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. Especially from people you're supposed to be groovin with on a stage..
I know the "mature" thing to do is not to hold grudges and move forward, but putting myself in your shoes, I'd be pretty pissed, too. That's not cool at all in my book, and the fact that Bob and Stu have mentioned nothing would be like an extra kick in the gut
... I'd probably stay with that group, but only until I could find another one. The next one may be just as bad (or worse), but it could also be the best move you ever made, musically.This band stuff is a whole lot of fun when it's fun, but I'm learning it can definitely get messy at times.
Sorry that happened, dude.
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Don't know what I was thinkin... Screw Bob and Stu, too... I wouldn't be able to play with them after having found out about what happened like you did... Cut em off, shed, and move on to find some more people to play with. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. Especially from people you're supposed to be groovin with on a stage..
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What did they do wrong? Do you think they started a new band with you, found a guitar player, learned a bunch of songs and booked some gigs all as an elaborate cover for getting you out of the other band? As someone else said, if they are holding down their end, I'm not sure what your problem is.
I'm in several bands. Unless someone asks me I don't discuss with one band what is going on with the other bands.
Ultimately, it's up to you and harmless to keep playing with Bob and Stu, but it is of my opinion that they will leave you cold when their project with Rick fully takes off. I would ask them straight up if they were planning on leaving or sticking around (politely) and their faces alone will give you the answer.
I was brought into a band once who I blew away at the first practice, to then be "released" 2 days later so they could bring the singers friend back in (one guitarist and drummer were against this but diva singer won). The better musician doesn't always get the gig when nepotism is involved.
I was brought into a band once who I blew away at the first practice, to then be "released" 2 days later so they could bring the singers friend back in (one guitarist and drummer were against this but diva singer won). The better musician doesn't always get the gig when nepotism is involved.
