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How Would You React? (BL Problem)
- Thread starter BayStateBass
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You should all just quit, find a new rehearsal space, and reform under a new name. So long as you're not playing any of his songs, there's not a damn thing he can do about it. I'd do it on the quiet, but he's going to find out soon enough. Tough luck. Life's too short to waste with Fascist band leaders, especially when they don't have any talent themselves.
They're all cover songs. No originals. So he does not own any of the material.
This is a part-time, weekend warrior cover band where the goal was always supposed to be to play the best we could, have fun, go out and do some shows, make a little money, and enjoy our little part-time venture. It was never supposed to be a pressure cooker and that's all it's been for the last 4 months for me and the others.
We're not going to announce it to everyone. Part of the plan is to reconstruct the setlist and replace some of the songs, so we do have some work to do before we get right back out there anyway. If we keep what we like and ditch what we don't, right now we're hovering at around 45-ish songs.
It's been well established in previous threads by this OP that the BL in question has significant psychological issues and has been subjecting his sidemen to a very toxic environment for quite some time. Based on this latest misadventure it appears the BL is taking his exploitive and manipulative behavior to yet another lower level.
The only question remaining as I see it, is at what point the OP and his bandmates are willing to cut ties with him. To this point it seems they have been unable or willing to do so and until that happens all the advice offered here is moot. Not to be harsh at some point the victims in this thing have to grow a pair and bail.
The only question remaining as I see it, is at what point the OP and his bandmates are willing to cut ties with him. To this point it seems they have been unable or willing to do so and until that happens all the advice offered here is moot. Not to be harsh at some point the victims in this thing have to grow a pair and bail.
Not any more, jaywa.
It's done, the decision is made, it all ends tomorrow. Whatever the others do is up to them but I'm getting my stuff and ending my involvement with this situation. You're right, it's time to grow a set and just do it.
I will never do this again, not this way, not ever. In reading back through this I can't believe how stupid I must seem and how lots of you are probably getting a good laugh at my well-deserved expense. If you're not laughing, you should. I would if I were you.
I would not. From reading your posts the last few years I see you really just started playing seriously a few years ago. You went into this band a rookie with no experience and no track record, you are emerging as a budding pro. This BL, despite some obvious very serious flaws, still deserved some thanks for taking a chance on you (which you have said already) and now your "debt" is payed (again, which you have said already), so it is just time to move on.
Had you been a twenty year pro in the cover band business and gotten yourself not a year long (or whatever it was) relationship with this BL, then YES, I would be laughing...............
Yeah, that's pretty much the story. Didn't start playing seriously until a few years ago. Never had the opportunity to play with a good band or even a decent one until now, the other two were really, really horrible. Did some fill-in stuff as a guitarist here and there, but not very often because I wasn't all that good (I'm a much better bassist).
I'm going to chalk it all up to experience at this point.
Good luck tonight. Should be a lot easier knowing you have the group ready to roll when you leave. Always easier to quit when you have a place to go.
Nobody's laughing. Many of us have probably been through some awful situation within a band, especially when we were starting out. I played with a total speed head when I about 19 - the guy was completely unpredictable. He was paranoid, and jealous of his fellow musicians. He'd played in bands for years, so I respected him (wrongly), but whatever talent he had was diluted by years of chemicals. I was inexperienced, didn't think I could get a better gig, and put up it with for far too long. Not a lot different than your situation actually.
I learned a valuable lesson though - when to cut your losses. Band dynamics are always tricky, you only learn from experience. Your next band is just around the corner, move on and don't look back.
Regards,
MarkM
BayStateBass, no one is laughing. I can totally empathize with your willingness to continue for the BL's sake; I commend you for going this far. However, from what you've described your 'personal' feelings/actions are no match against the BL's 'business' feelings/actions. It would seem you've realized that as well, enjoy where the new group takes you!
Hey Thumper,
I am not laughing at you because I have been there, done that, got the T-shirt, to your exact situation. And I mean exact.
You guys get your gear and GTFO of that situation now. Start a new band and move forward. You and the rest of your bandmates will be happier.
The former bandleader in my situation was a 100% douche and he did the very same thing to all of us.....forwarded our unflattering email replies to a potential player. Here in Texas, we call that "being chicken-fried". You got chicken-fried my friend.
BTW, the bandleader I am referring to went thru over 20 players in under 3 years and to this day he still cannot keep good pickers.
I am not laughing at you because I have been there, done that, got the T-shirt, to your exact situation. And I mean exact.
You guys get your gear and GTFO of that situation now. Start a new band and move forward. You and the rest of your bandmates will be happier.
The former bandleader in my situation was a 100% douche and he did the very same thing to all of us.....forwarded our unflattering email replies to a potential player. Here in Texas, we call that "being chicken-fried". You got chicken-fried my friend.
BTW, the bandleader I am referring to went thru over 20 players in under 3 years and to this day he still cannot keep good pickers.
My last band started with a guitarist and I blowing out of a Cruddy deal with a lying, horse crud of a BL. I never regretted it for a second.
Over, done. Better than I expected, but I lost my cool at the end unfortunately.
The four of us had dinner together first just to go over if we wanted to continue together and to lay it on the table, so to speak. We had a good time and we all agreed that we liked what each other had to offer and were okay with our weaknesses, we felt that we can function really well as a band.
We talked about what might happen if it got ugly.
We all arrived at the same time and got out of our cars together. It must have looked pretty obvious what was going to happen.
The BL didn't say much.....asked each of us if we were leaving and we all said yes. He asked why. The rhythm guitarist was the first to unload. He told the BL that when he chooses to take someone's opinion and use it without asking first, it crosses the line. The singer said almost nothing and was asked nothing. The drummer just said "I'm done" and started to pack up his stuff. The BL kept trying to goad me into an argument but I mostly ignored him. We all stayed and helped each other pack up the stuff, obviously the drummer needing the most help. I was the last to leave the space, as I scanned for anything I might have left behind.
The BL asked me, "Can I just ask why? I know I screwed up and I'm sorry.".
At this point my temper flared some, unfortunately. I pointed my finger at him and my voice got pretty angry. It went like this;
"I stayed with you for all this time, and you sold me down the river just to save face for yourself".
"It wasn't like that, really, it wasn't".
"Yes it was. It was exactly like that."
"Well, I didn't know I couldn't pass that stuff along!"
"You never asked. It's over. Goodbye."
And that was it. I left. We all decided to go grab some coffee and make some more plans, we continue our work starting next week. We have some re-vamping to do and want to look at some new music, so we won't be getting out right away, but it will be soon enough and everyone is happy to be starting back at it next week.
End of this chapter. The next one starts.
That went a lot better than I was expecting. He might let you keep the bandname at that rate.
Good move showing up like the FBI on a raid!
Good move showing up like the FBI on a raid!
Thanks for all the support, everyone.
Like I said, it went better than I expected. There were a few details that I let slide. The BL owed me $30 for a stage monitor he was "making payments" on to me. I told him he didn't owe me anything, I considered it paid off. I left him a few speaker cables that I probably could have taken, but they weren't really mine (they were left behind by our old drummer, I told the singer that they weren't mine when he tried to pack them up).
I have a clear conscience. I didn't take anything that wasn't totally mine, I cleared out quick, and I cut ties. But I said my peace on the way out the door.
We start rehearsals again next week, and I'm actually excited about it. We have some work to do, we want to re-vamp our setlist and change some stuff up, but everyone is happy about it. We all agreed to meet at the drummer's house for rehearsal and keep our same schedule.
Like I said, it went better than I expected. There were a few details that I let slide. The BL owed me $30 for a stage monitor he was "making payments" on to me. I told him he didn't owe me anything, I considered it paid off. I left him a few speaker cables that I probably could have taken, but they weren't really mine (they were left behind by our old drummer, I told the singer that they weren't mine when he tried to pack them up).
I have a clear conscience. I didn't take anything that wasn't totally mine, I cleared out quick, and I cut ties. But I said my peace on the way out the door.
We start rehearsals again next week, and I'm actually excited about it. We have some work to do, we want to re-vamp our setlist and change some stuff up, but everyone is happy about it. We all agreed to meet at the drummer's house for rehearsal and keep our same schedule.
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