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I can play again
- Thread starter Rfan
- Start date
Sometimes ya just gotta shake it up.
When I notice her red wig and fishnets are missing, I grab my beeper from 1987. Eventually she pages the street corner to me.
- Mar 19, 2013
- 1,612
- 2,694
- Disclosures
- If only I were that good....
My wife (while we were dating) told me to start playing bass again because golf was an expensive hobby
You pick a spouse to support them in their pursuits and passions, not to shut them down. This is seriously messed up.
- Mar 19, 2013
- 1,612
- 2,694
- Disclosures
- If only I were that good....
But you’re publicly stating your intent to leave her , correct?
I don’t want to NOT congratulate you for growing as a person, but………
I learned a long time ago that when it comes to discussing somebody else's marriage, I automatically recuse myself instantly. When it comes to a marriage, the only two people who know the truth or the circumstances are the two involved. Which leaves me out of it, as it should.
Best of Luck.
Best of Luck.
we encourage each other to follow our passions.. it's kept us together for 38 years.. life in this house is good.
That would be tough for my wife to do because I met here playing a gig that she booked us into in 1972. We played there for 2-weeks and I asked her to join me on the road at the end of that last week. Suprisingly, she said yes, packed a bag and jumped in our van. Three months later I married her and last November we celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary.
HOWEVER, where we live now is in an "in-laws" apartment on the bottom floor of a house on a hill in Washington state. Our landlady's bedroom is directly above my music area/computer desk. So I practice using an audio interface and headphones. That makes it easy to practice without disturbing anyone. Even so, if I'm singing either lead or harmony on a song I'm practicing, that can sometimes trigger an "you're off key" comment.
No that has never happened to me. Anymore I only play music with my wife and I’m very happy to do so.
There are two sides to every story and I won’t insert myself into this other than to say maybe you should talk to her and not the internet.
There are two sides to every story and I won’t insert myself into this other than to say maybe you should talk to her and not the internet.
I went through a very unhappy period. My family has agreed, I am much happier since I began playing again. There are occasional complaints about the time I spend away from home rehearsing and playing out. No one is suggesting that I stop, I think they would prefer if I step away from 1 of my 3 projects.
My wife and I have had our battles, mostly after our son was born, about how much I trained Brazilian jiu jitsu. Once he got a little older and we settled into more of a routine with him, we compromised so that I would be home weeknights and I went from training 3x a week during the week to training 2x Saturday and Sunday mornings and I don't get any more grief about it.
With regards to playing bass - I had already stopped playing for a few years before we had met and only started back up during the pandemic. She knows I need my down time but she rightfully wants me to be engaging with our 2-1/2 year old on weeknights as well. So the compromise is I practice with headphones after he goes to sleep. I haven't played through my amp in a long time, but it's not that hard a solution. She's also ok with my hobby of finding basses that are in need of help and fixing them up/hot-rodding them as long as I'm not locking myself away all weekend working on a project bass.
Your marital issues aside, you need to push back and assert yourself if this is something you want to do. I like the idea someone here had about telling her you need an hour a day to play and let her pick the hour.
With regards to playing bass - I had already stopped playing for a few years before we had met and only started back up during the pandemic. She knows I need my down time but she rightfully wants me to be engaging with our 2-1/2 year old on weeknights as well. So the compromise is I practice with headphones after he goes to sleep. I haven't played through my amp in a long time, but it's not that hard a solution. She's also ok with my hobby of finding basses that are in need of help and fixing them up/hot-rodding them as long as I'm not locking myself away all weekend working on a project bass.
Your marital issues aside, you need to push back and assert yourself if this is something you want to do. I like the idea someone here had about telling her you need an hour a day to play and let her pick the hour.
A spouse does not have to like that you play, but a spouse needs to accept that playing is a significant part of who you are.
You appear to be surrendering. If anyone tried to push my musical life away they would find me a very difficult person to live with. It would not be worth their while to get between me and music. I am a musician. The man my wife married is a musician. A partner is an addition to my life but a musician is who and what I am. That will not change.
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That is incredibly disturbing.
If you're unhappy, your kids know it and they're probably unhappy, too. I watched my parents relationship evaporate and knew how miserable my mother was before she finally kicked my dad out when I was in high school. I resented her for not doing it years earlier. Your kids probably feel similarly but they'll never say it.
Get divorced now.
Bach’s father forbid young Johann Sebastian to play the clavichord. Young Johann would practice at night by looking through a little opening in the wooden cover with the help of a candlelight. That effort brought early blindness but also made of him the best composer humanity has so far produced.
Repression sometimes forges a level of commitment unknown for most. We could be here about to witness Jaco’s comeback…
Repression sometimes forges a level of commitment unknown for most. We could be here about to witness Jaco’s comeback…
A million years ago (I was a teen-ager) and it turned out, she was doin' the dirty with the lead singer behind my back.
Not only no, but she encourages it. She even encouraged me to slice off 16 feet of my 60' wide by 30' deep new shop building as a rehearsal/practice space, home office and vinyl collecting/listening room. I'm there right now.
We're both almost 70 and I just got out of open heart surgery a few months ago and she encourages it now even more. Life is short. We're both making the most of it.
At home I play almost exclusively through headphones. Get a pre amp and a little mixer and go to town.
