I love your Scott LaFaro point, but George has gotten over it and now understands why John needed to have a relationship and eventually a family with that individual.
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I can play again
- Thread starter Rfan
- Start date
Well my wife said "No playing with your girlfriend's unless you do it in the living room while I am watching TV." She too was serious.
Only time that’s happened to me was when I was 17, living with my parents. Old man had a fit one night about the noise I was making and threatened to throw the guitar out on the next garbage day. The next morning I packed my stuff and moved out. Didn’t come back for a couple of years.
What happens in VagA@sWell my wife said "No playing with your girlfriend's unless you do it in the living room while I am watching TV." She too was serious.
OMG those are ancient headphones
I met my first wife at a charity gig we played at her place of work. Several years later I stopped playing professionally and had a garage band that practiced in our garage one night a week. She complained to my mother who told her she knew I was a musician when she married me. We divorced less that five years later. Good luck brother.
edit: Having gotten older (74) and hopefully wiser I made my present significant other our sound engineer and involve her in every practice. Luckily she has a good ear and an analytical mind.
edit: Having gotten older (74) and hopefully wiser I made my present significant other our sound engineer and involve her in every practice. Luckily she has a good ear and an analytical mind.
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Op aside it’s nice to see so many of us have happy and functional marriages where spouses needs get appropriate priority
Absolutely NOT! And you shouldn't stand for it either!! My wife knew what she was getting when we got together! I played softball on several teams and I played music. If there was ever an inkling of dissension, I would have been out of there with the quickness! Not trying to tell you what to do, but I would never put up with that crap!!
Well, since George has passed on, we'll never really get the chance to hear him reflect.. but those filmed studio sessions, and his palpable vibe in the situation, are pretty clear. In my view, her presence there was unnecessary, and ultimately destructive. There's a great video of Lennon, and his band backing Chuck Berry on T.V., where Yoko is banging on some tabla or drum- and she starts yowling into the mic.. Chuck looks like someone put an electric cattle prod up his derriere!' John, shows no reaction. The sound guy, after a minute- turned off her mic. A true hero! I've been in bands with the leaders' sexual partners/ GF's/ live ins. With that being their major qualification for their presence on the bandstand, it is never a good thing.
When my first wife was my GF and moved in, condensed version.
I needed to remove my P and portaflex out of the living room.
Then my other P and other portaflex out of the master bedroom.
Then my pa bins, showman cab, 360 cab, pa mixer, old pa cabinets, misc lights etc to garage.
I did get to keep my acoustic guitar and my Guild bass in a bedroom closet.
The rules for me joining a band became: no females in the band, no practices on weekends, no more than one gig per month scheduled at least two months in advance. No more than two practices a month. Virtually impossible.
Second wife: bought a nice bass for me and a small but needed amp. Encourages my playing and hangs out at music stores with me.
I needed to remove my P and portaflex out of the living room.
Then my other P and other portaflex out of the master bedroom.
Then my pa bins, showman cab, 360 cab, pa mixer, old pa cabinets, misc lights etc to garage.
I did get to keep my acoustic guitar and my Guild bass in a bedroom closet.
The rules for me joining a band became: no females in the band, no practices on weekends, no more than one gig per month scheduled at least two months in advance. No more than two practices a month. Virtually impossible.
Second wife: bought a nice bass for me and a small but needed amp. Encourages my playing and hangs out at music stores with me.
I often noodle around on my bass, using a headphone amp, while my wife and I watch TV. But if she ever told me that was the only time/place I could play, my answer would be "Yeah, right... Not gonna happen"--though, out of courtesy, when I do practice in the house I usually use headphones. A good marriage is built on respect, and that includes respecting one-another's interests and hobbies (as long as they're not harmful). I've always encouraged her various hobbies, and she encourages mine, and we also have some (like bicycle riding) that we share in common. It sounds like you're dealing with some very unhealthy control issues there.
A good friend of mine, and guitarist I used to play in bands with, married a woman who he met at a gig. She knew his passion for music. But once they were married she became very dismissive and sarcastic about his musical activities. I think she saw it as competition. It was really sad to see. I would not stay in a marriage like that.
A good friend of mine, and guitarist I used to play in bands with, married a woman who he met at a gig. She knew his passion for music. But once they were married she became very dismissive and sarcastic about his musical activities. I think she saw it as competition. It was really sad to see. I would not stay in a marriage like that.
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Relationships are complicated. I guess, or better I am hoping that there are lots of things that you and your wife share and make you a happy couple, and that it is just this thing that doesn't work.
I can kind of relate. A lot of fights between me and my wife revolve around my music, more specifically: my desire to spend time alone to make music. My wife comes from a family and culture that is very social and where "alone time" is seen as somewhat odd. She wants to spend time with me. She thinks, when I am playing music alone in my room, that this is a decision against her, that I value my instruments more than her. She herself doesn't really have a hobby or anything she likes that requires solitude, so it is really hard for her to understand.
That said, although she isn't actively supportive of my hobby, she accepts it and tries to find a middle ground. She knows that I get cranky when I can't play, so she never really forbids me to make music, although I get the classic "you just do what you want, baby, that's totally fine" from time to time
She is okay with me spending money on it when she knows I'll be using the stuff, and I am not really spending big bucks that we would miss otherwise. A big plus is that she actually likes my songs (or does a good job pretending) so I play for her from time to time and, although she doesn't enjoy me spending time away from her, she enjoys the results, which kind of leads to the acceptance of the alone time. She encourages me to play little concerts on various occasions, but doesn't really understand that I need time alone beforehand to actually learn some songs.
Well, all that to say, I think you should consider two points: First, is it really about you playing the bass that she doesn't like, or may there be some deeper reason to it? And second, maybe there are ways to "sell" your bass playing to her, make her see the value of it?
And third, don't sell or give away your stuff. Especially if you actually are in an abusive relationship. If you are really unhappy about your situation and you can't talk about it with her (don't just tell yourself she won't listen, really try and speak to her!) you need to seek out professional help.
I can kind of relate. A lot of fights between me and my wife revolve around my music, more specifically: my desire to spend time alone to make music. My wife comes from a family and culture that is very social and where "alone time" is seen as somewhat odd. She wants to spend time with me. She thinks, when I am playing music alone in my room, that this is a decision against her, that I value my instruments more than her. She herself doesn't really have a hobby or anything she likes that requires solitude, so it is really hard for her to understand.
That said, although she isn't actively supportive of my hobby, she accepts it and tries to find a middle ground. She knows that I get cranky when I can't play, so she never really forbids me to make music, although I get the classic "you just do what you want, baby, that's totally fine" from time to time
She is okay with me spending money on it when she knows I'll be using the stuff, and I am not really spending big bucks that we would miss otherwise. A big plus is that she actually likes my songs (or does a good job pretending) so I play for her from time to time and, although she doesn't enjoy me spending time away from her, she enjoys the results, which kind of leads to the acceptance of the alone time. She encourages me to play little concerts on various occasions, but doesn't really understand that I need time alone beforehand to actually learn some songs.Well, all that to say, I think you should consider two points: First, is it really about you playing the bass that she doesn't like, or may there be some deeper reason to it? And second, maybe there are ways to "sell" your bass playing to her, make her see the value of it?
And third, don't sell or give away your stuff. Especially if you actually are in an abusive relationship. If you are really unhappy about your situation and you can't talk about it with her (don't just tell yourself she won't listen, really try and speak to her!) you need to seek out professional help.
I have all my basses in the rack in our lounge room, plus the Rumble rig, where the tv is..we both are in our 70's and the most common complaint from her is..you never play your bass enough..lol...so opposite problem...a lot of it comes down to arthritis but I always listen to her and go pick up the Ric or the SR5 or the Dynabass or the....errr and plug up to the amp which is in here with us..and blast her majesty a few good tunes lol Great to have a wife who appreciates being married to a grumpy old bass player lolll
My wife hates the twang diddley-dee of guitars. Bass? No problem.
I play the upright in the living room all the time.
I practice with my my electric and small amp upstairs here in my office along with Youtube vids or my band's recordings. The bass reverberates downstairs even when she's reading or napping. No complaints.
I play the upright in the living room all the time.
I practice with my my electric and small amp upstairs here in my office along with Youtube vids or my band's recordings. The bass reverberates downstairs even when she's reading or napping. No complaints.
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