• TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
    Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
    Join free Log in
    Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.

I can play again

#141
Rfan said:
After years of not being allowed to, or being heavily discouraged from playing my bass in the house my wife told me I should play my instrument. Here’s the kicker, it has to be in the living room while she is in there watching television. No amp. No thanks. Everything will get donated to the local high school that has a great music department in September when school starts. Anybody else been pushed away from playing by a significant other?
Click to expand...

Are you serious? Don't put up with that crap. Play your freaking bass. You are probably miserable in life right? If she would leave you or kick you out over it then it would be for the best and doing you a favor. I'd give her the boot about 5 seconds after this crap started.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Chrisk-K, NC_Rob, 51PRI and 2 others
#147
Assuming this is a real question, no. I have far too much respect for myself to allow myself to be overcontrolled by a partner. You're in a prison, not a marriage.

My suggestion is find a therapist so that you can come to a better understanding of why this is a dysfunctional dynamic. Then you need to either help your wife along to a deeper understanding of what a healthy relationship looks like by getting her into therapy too, or make a difficult decision.

Good luck.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Tony Bassplayer, red_rhino, DrThumpenstein and 6 others
#148
Koshchei said:
Your wife sounds like a problem. I suggest counselling.

If she gets it, then play bass wherever you want. If she doesn't, then play bass wherever you want.

Abusive relationships don't have to be physical.
Click to expand...
She's probably not the one who needs counseling right now. Most of us would not stay in this situation. She is what she is, the only thing the OP can fix is his own part in it. Then he can suggest she fix her own deal, but she probably won't.
 
Last edited:
  • Like
Reactions: Ralph Manak, mikewalker and bakageta
#156
Rfan said:
After years of not being allowed to, or being heavily discouraged from playing my bass in the house my wife told me I should play my instrument. Here’s the kicker, it has to be in the living room while she is in there watching television. No amp. No thanks. Everything will get donated to the local high school that has a great music department in September when school starts. Anybody else been pushed away from playing by a significant other?
Click to expand...
No, I haven't. It's a good thing, too. If it had been "it's music or me" she would have lost.
 
Last edited:
#158
LHbassist said:
Well, since George has passed on, we'll never really get the chance to hear him reflect.. but those filmed studio sessions, and his palpable vibe in the situation, are pretty clear. In my view, her presence there was unnecessary, and ultimately destructive. There's a great video of Lennon, and his band backing Chuck Berry on T.V., where Yoko is banging on some tabla or drum- and she starts yowling into the mic.. Chuck looks like someone put an electric cattle prod up his derriere!' John, shows no reaction. The sound guy, after a minute- turned off her mic. A true hero! I've been in bands with the leaders' sexual partners/ GF's/ live ins. With that being their major qualification for their presence on the bandstand, it is never a good thing.
Click to expand...
Yeah sure, we've seen it. All of it. That's why I don't believe in journals or filming of hissy fits. Let it go, you've got to move on.
About this question, I "identify" as a musician, so if anyone were to question that we wouldn't be in any relationship.
 
#159
In my 8+ year relationship with my partner, I've had moments where I've second guessed the relationship simply because he doesn't show as much interest in music as I'd like. But that's ok because we each like different things and I don't need my partner to be all in on my interests.

I couldn't fathom staying with someone who prohibited me from doing something I enjoy in my own time. And I couldn't imagine doing that to him.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Katoosie and 51PRI
#160
51PRI said:
No, I haven't. It's a good thing, too. If it had been "it's music or me" she would have lost.
Click to expand...
I have a lifelong buddy out west. He fishes like we play music.
One day his lady said "it's me or the fishing!"
He replied "I'm really gonna miss you...".
He wasn't joking. They split up.
Why would you try and stop your partner from their vocation?
In psychology they speak of closed energy systems and open energy systems.
Hostage style relationships are closed energy.
Open energy is all about trust and space. She gets her knitting circle, I get my band. We spend two or more nights together. Maybe we go out with friends one night. Space and tightness.
 
  • Like
Reactions: 51PRI, mikewalker and Giffro

Latest posts

Top Bottom
Back