I need new Frontman Stage Material

[dbase]

Our lead singer always says .. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce the band" . At that point the band members shake hands with one another.

 

[juancaminos]

Just heard one last week end "The special tonight is free dancing, that's right folks (insert name) has agreed to let you dance to your hearts content with out charge, tonight only".

Also we learned this a long time ago "It has just come to our attention that there is a nasty rumor going around that the band doesn't drink. We would like to dispel that rumor right now. Who wants to help us"?

 

[pie_man_25]

I remember one time we got into our first song, and right before the first verse the vocalist says "We are 'band's name here' and we hate every single one of you."

I, too, was honestly not feeling it much that night, but the crowd was digging it.

 

[ptooner]

One of my all time favorites was when Victor Borge was finishing a show he used to say:" I'd like to thank my parents who made this show possible. And my children who made it necessary" I used to keep a few 3x5 cards on my music stand which actually had things like the names of band members for when I would forget them on introductions and various other memos to myself but I would use them for the "announcement scam". For instance I'd take a notecard and say, "this was just handed to me, would the owner of the Ford Maverick (or whatever car is currently in vogue) please move your car. You are bringing down the neighborhood property values." I'd sometimes follow that with another card and say" For the owner of the red ferrari ---- I think I love you" On another note, I used to do "The lady is a tramp" which I'd introduce as a song about my ex wife.

 

[Feral Feline]

"This next number was a big hit for Rush back in the day, a tune that helped usher Rush into the R&R Hall of Infamy; and to quote Alex Lifeson from that momentous event...


'BLAH! Blahblahblahdeblah blah blah, blah blah blah. BLah blah-blah blah blahhhh, blah b'blah blllllaaahh...'."






Fronter: We have a very special guessed here tonight, does anyone care to take a stab at it?

Audience member: Xxxx Xxxxxx

Fronter: A round of applause, please, for our very special guessed wrong...








Only for Cover Bands:
"Stop us if you've heard this one before..."



Have the rest of the band walk off stage every time you play a walking bass-line...
(☝︎ It's from a Bass for Dummies cartoon)



Speaking of cartoons, there's gotta be some material you can steal from...

Or if you don't smoke "... when the vending machine ate my money."




Fronter: "Stick around for the lucky draw, folks. Lucky draw at the end of the night..."

End of the night...

Fronter: "As promised, it's time for the Lucky draw" [turns to another band member who's getting out some foolscap] "Lucky! What are you gonna draw for us tonight?"


Fronter after a fight breaks out in the bar or onstage: "And the hits keep coming, Ladies and Gents; this next number was hugely popular back when..."


Fronter: "Dammit, where ARE my cue-cards?"


End of the night
"We'd like to thank each and every one of you... but we can't, we've gotta pack up before we're locked in for the night."
End of another night
"Thanks for coming out, our parole officer says we have to go now..."
Yet another ending, badly.
"We had a really great time playing for you tonight, wishing you a safe journey home, but please, turn in your beer goggles at the door on your way out."

 

[mrjim123]

One I did back in the day, corny as hell, but better that my nervous guitarist's noodling:

Me: Give me an F!

Audience: F!

Me: Give me a U!

Audience: U!

Me: Give me an N! Fun! Hey, are we havin' fun?

 

[kesslari]

I've been known to say, after a particularly fun tune or set,
"If you've enjoyed this half as much as we have....
... then we've enjoyed it twice as much as you."

 

[bigjohnyeti]

Sometimes I instruct the audience " when you have a song with the word "hand", substitute the word "gland"..then have them sing along to a song like I wanna hold your (gl)hand..

John
recovering workaholic

 

[Michedelic]

Know any Farmer’s Daughter jokes? I learned a bunch at church camp.

 

[Rib 13]

Anymore?....Bump for 2019

 

[zon5string]

"It's OK to overtip your servers, but please don't tip them over."
<audience member shouts "Freebird!"> "We'll play it, but we'll KEEP playing it until we're paid $50 to stop."

 

[BassCliff]

Hi,

Several times when Amanda has welcomed the audience and said, "How y'all doin' tonight?" I will answer her, "Well, I lost my mood ring and I don't know how I feel about that.".


Thank you for your indulgence,

BassCliff

 

[WI Short Scaler]

Some good stuff here!

 

[rocu]

Hi,

Several times when Amanda has welcomed the audience and said, "How y'all doin' tonight?" I will answer her, "Well, I lost my mood ring and I don't know how I feel about that.".


Thank you for your indulgence,

BassCliff

That’s just awful.

I’ve been chuckling about it for half an hour.

 

[heatheroo1]

We got a request..........but we’re gonna keep playing anyway.

 

[DirtDog]

(in Dangerfield mode)

Boy we got a tough crowd tonight...I just asked this gentleman for a request, he said "give up music"...

Another one like that - ladies and gentlemen, we’ve just received a special request....but we’re gonna keep playing anyways.

 

[Sbassman Scratch]

We know every song that was ever written.
- audience member names a song.
Yep, Pete knows that one.
- another song
Yep, Bill knows that one.

Wait, you mean you want us to play `em? You mean, like, all of us at the same time!

 

[Scottgun]

"Hello! We are _______. We will be performing songs spanning several decades...hope you have the time."

 

[Bassball Fever]

We are __________. If you like what you heard tonight, tell your friends, tell your neighbors, tell the world! If you didn't like what you heard, keep your big mouth SHUT.

 

[richntiff]

This thread is just so great. It just reminded me of a gig we played last year at a local event called 'Beef a Rama' - yes, it's real... look it up... it draws 15k people to a little northern Wisconsin town.... Anyways - one of the songs I sing lead on is Backwards by Rascal Flatts (country...) There's a spoken line in the bridge that goes '..... turn it all around and change this C... R.... A.... P....' so, I changed it to '... change this B....E....E....F...' It was more stupid than funny, but my bandmates were laughing so hard we actually had to stop to regain composure before finishing the song.... I think some of the audience actually got it as well!

We are playing this gig again tomorrow, and Backwards is on the setlist. Hmmm.. decisions, decisions...