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Insecure girlfriend at shows...

#42
We have one of these, except its an insecure boyfriend. The boyfriend of our female singer is an alcoholic, virtually unemployed "songwriter." He comes to every gig, even the private parties where he's not invited. He will sit in the crowd and stare at our singer through the entire show, stopping only to order another beer.

We have one song that, during the bridge, the singer comes in off-beat. Since she kept screwing it up in previous practices, I told her to just watch me for a cue. As we entered the bridge, she was watching me. After I gave her the cue, I look out in the crowd and her boyfriend has risen from his seat and is staring at me. After the gig, he stumbled over to me and told me that he would "deal with me later." It was hilarious.
 
#44
guy n. cognito said:
..... and her boyfriend has risen from his seat and is staring at me. After the gig, he stumbled over to me and told me that he would "deal with me later." It was hilarious.
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Almost sounds like when Joe DiMaggio accompanied Marilyn Monroe to the set of The Seven Year Itch...of course I'm probably the only one here that's old enough to know about that one! :hmm:
 
#45
Good post, Saint. Quick sidetrack, if I may. Some have recommended marriage, some have said no way.

I don't understand people's ideas about marriage. EDIT: Not a shot at anyone in particular, just what seems to be society in general /EDIT In my mind, marriage is a life-long decision. This means it's important. Really important. Like having a kid, you can't undo it. Divorce is no solution, it's messy and leaves people hurt and scarred 99 times out of 100. People rush into marriage before they're mature enough to handle it. This almost always ends badly.

Take your time, don't rush marriage. It can be a beautiful, livelong blessing if you work at it (yes, it takes a lot of work). It doesn't have to be a bad thing. I am always so sad when I hear of or see spouses fighting each other all the time, crushing each other's dreams. It doesn't have to be that way. My wife is not quite as passionate about music as I am, but she loves me, wants me dreams to be fulfilled, and works hard to make my dreams her own, just as I do for her.

Marriage is serious. Really serious. Don't do it unless you've really thought it through. But if you work at it, it's like nothing else.

Ok, end rant. Sorry to get so serious.
 
#46
My 1.5 cents here. Sounds sooo familiar. Don't take any of this as aimed at you because it isn't. In my early twenties had a girlfriend and we moved in together to "save money". A roommate for her and a roommate for me would have been a much better arrangement. I was in the band before she came along and she loved that I was in a band etc etc. After we are living together she starts doing the same crap you are describing and started ruining my band experience. My band started disliking her and eventually I quit the band. I started this band and now I am walking away from it so she would be happy. They replaced me with a new bass player that had never played out before and asked me to come to the first gig in case he folded. I did but he did fine and they won a battle of the bands and were interviewed by the local newspaper, pictures etc. That was a sad night for me to sit there and watch that take place as a spectator and not be a part of it. Long story short she just got worse eventually cheating on me when I was out of town working a "real job" ended up sending her packing but the band was gone, band mates moved on etc. It was a harsh lesson so maybe you can learn something from my pain ;)
 
#47
guitfiddle0409 said:
Almost sounds like when Joe DiMaggio accompanied Marilyn Monroe to the set of The Seven Year Itch...of course I'm probably the only one here that's old enough to know about that one! :hmm:
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Well, I wasn't around to see that movie in the theater, but I've heard the story on that new-fangled "TV" that the youngun's are raving about..... :0

It's pretty bad. When she goes to the john, he follows her and sit at the bar stool closest to the toilet. :rollno:
 
#49
Dude, it's a control play. She knows what she's doing.

I'm betting that it's not the band or the music, she would be doing it no matter what you happend to be into.
What better time to see if she can demand your attention than when you are occupied?
You just gotta set her down and TELL her how it is. She will either ease up, or you will cave and become her PW puppet.

Whatever you do, DON'T marry her just to shut her up , or you will end up asking her for permission to play with your friends.

Just remember, this relationship this is a two way street, she has to give you the space to be who you are just as you need to or it just ain't going to work!
 
#51
derrico1 said:
I suspect this isn't "the other problem" -- it's The Problem. IME, a woman's gotta have some spark in her life, or she'll start to get jealous of the things (besides her) that put spark into yours.
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Dude, couldn't be more true. And btw guys, I'm not planning on marrying her, like i said before, we're both in our early 20's and have only been together for 2 years. She needs a hobby for sure. I'm going to calmly sit her down and try and talk through it tonight...perhaps there's a medium we can come to.
 
#54
Spinal Tapper said:
Hey everyone.
I've been really really frustrated lately. I've been with this girl for almost 2 years. We live together.
I've been in my band (and playing music) MUCH longer than that.

She's never had a problem in the past coming to shows and functioning with the other girlfriends/my friends/her friends with a lot of people around.
My band took a quick hiatus from shows to concentrate on writing new stuff, but now we're gigging again. The last few months when we've played shows, she gets pissed at me after EVERY show...for NO reason!
She blames me for ignoring her while I thank other people for coming out, selling merch, or going to talk to friends I haven't seen in a while, even if she tags along with me to the other side of the bar and I introduce her. She makes me out to look like an *******.
She even got pissed when we had to run the gear back to our rehearsal spot for 10 minutes after the gig so it wouldn't get stolen out of the van (which the owner warned us "happens constantly" outside this bar).

How can I control my insecure girlfriend at shows and/or get her to chill the hell out and have a good time??? (No, alcohol makes her worse, I tried that...)

Thanks for letting me rant TBers, I don't know who else to talk about this - of course my band says "end it", but I love her and they're not forcing me choose or anything, it's just embarrassing...
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Ummmmmmm Dad?

:D
 
#55
Spinal Tapper said:
Hey everyone.
I've been really really frustrated lately. I've been with this girl for almost 2 years. We live together.
I've been in my band (and playing music) MUCH longer than that.

She's never had a problem in the past coming to shows and functioning with the other girlfriends/my friends/her friends with a lot of people around.
My band took a quick hiatus from shows to concentrate on writing new stuff, but now we're gigging again. The last few months when we've played shows, she gets pissed at me after EVERY show...for NO reason!
She blames me for ignoring her while I thank other people for coming out, selling merch, or going to talk to friends I haven't seen in a while, even if she tags along with me to the other side of the bar and I introduce her. She makes me out to look like an *******.
She even got pissed when we had to run the gear back to our rehearsal spot for 10 minutes after the gig so it wouldn't get stolen out of the van (which the owner warned us "happens constantly" outside this bar).

How can I control my insecure girlfriend at shows and/or get her to chill the hell out and have a good time??? (No, alcohol makes her worse, I tried that...)

Thanks for letting me rant TBers, I don't know who else to talk about this - of course my band says "end it", but I love her and they're not forcing me choose or anything, it's just embarrassing...
Click to expand...

...yeah right... and by the way; Santa Claus doesn't exist either.
 
#58
Roba2c said:
Make time for her, like you make time for your band and your bass.
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Believe me, I make TOO much time for her. I've blown off a lot of my non-musician friends for my band and my girl. Mostly my girl. I never blow off the band though, that's nuts.
But like I said, me n the girl live together, and are with each other 5 out of the 7 nights that I'm not at practice. She needs a hobby or something...
 
#59
*Gasps* Eh, I'm only 25, she's almost 22, it's a little early for that stuff. We live together because we love each other, but it's also way more affordable for us both in this great city we live...
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Ok I was 21 and my wife was 19...I had two kids by the time I was 25, because I wanted to.

If you two are both clear that this is nothing more than an affordable way to live in a great city. I don't know what her problem is, but, if you are not both clear than I think I might have a clue.

Just a thought, but I was busted on a previous post where I just wanted people to agree with me, not there real opinion. Thats OK its called venting..... If you want real relationship advice, I would ask a group who didn't have the bias of dump the girl keep the gig that a bass players forum does
 

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