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Insecure girlfriend at shows...

#81
Sounds like it's not as much you doing anything to make her made as it is she may be worried about loosing you or something of that sort. I'd let her know that she's the only one who matters in your eyes and that all those other girls don't mean anything(relationship wise). oh and definately don't let her stop you from socializing, cus that's important when in a band(obviously) and not to mention it's one of the funnest parts about gigs!:)

GOOD LUCK MAN
 
#83
Wow - this is wonderful (I'm serious).

25 and 22, eh? This is usually the age when things start to "get serious." Taking the time off was probably the start. You probably hung out with her when you weren't gigging. I'll bet she liked that...so much that when you go back to gigging, you're treated like you've been treated because you're not hanging out with her any more.

As a guy who almost stopped playing (except for about one gig a year) when I got married, and then started playing 2, then 3, then 4 nights a week (in addition to a full-time job) around our 18th anniversary, here's my 2 cents. It's a job. If she's uncomfortable with you not spending time with her, suggest she come to the gig with some of your mutual friends, stay for a set or two, and then she can head back home. She has to realize that if this is a job for you, then there will always be new fans, new merch, new opportunities.

Then it's you're turn to be responsible. When the gig is done - it's done. No band meetings then, no discuss where the next gig is - get the hell out of there and go to her.

It is a trust thing - my question is, why is she at the gigs all the time? Does she trust you? If so, then you have to show you trust her as well. If either fails - and you know how it can either way, then both of you staying at the gigs and fighting about it on the way home or at home is just going to make both of you miserable.

Z
 
#84
I'm sure someone else has said this already, sorry not to have read the entire thread before posting this.

You Are Lucky,
You Are Not Married.

It's better to find this out before, rather than after you tie the knot. Hopefully she will come to understand and respect that you are who you are. Does she have anything that she's passionate about that takes away from your time together (for instance, my wife practically lives at the gym)? Are you supportive of it?
 
#86
Explain to her that this is your job. Your work starts from the moment you leave the house to get your gear at the studio, and ends when you get home at the end of the night. And, In between, your job entails getting your gear, going to a gig, unloading, sound checking, maybe greeting people before a show, playing the show, tearing down, packing the van/car/truck, greeting your friends and fans, returning to the studio to unload, and THEN it is all about her.

My wife and I BOTH are gigging musicians, and at each other's shows, we stay out of each other's way because we are WORKING.

Don't break up with her, and for christssake, do NOT get married because of what someone puts as a response in a post. You get married when you're ready, and not to shut someone up.
 
#89
canshaker said:
How hot is T.B. Player?

just askin:hmm:
Click to expand...

Since you've asked, I reply with a fable.

And old man was married to his wife for 60 years. He saw several of his children married, divorced, remarried and redivorced. One of his youngest grandchildren, who was in his late teens, asked his grandfather, "Gramps, what's you're secret to a long, happy relationship." The grandfather replied, "Well, every morning when I wake up, I go and look myself in the mirror and say, 'You're no prize either.'"

:p

Seriously, Canshaker's post is an excellent one!!
 
#90
T. B. Player said:
Went back and scanned a lot of this thread - I find it interesting that absolutely NO ONE said, "What does your girlfriend look like?" and no photo is posted.

I must admit I admire that all of you - these suggestions are offered based on experience and sentiment, rather than, "So, how hot is she?"

(Watch somebody come along now and ask the inevitable question.....)

Z
Click to expand...

post #39

Please did you really think no one would ask if she was hot.
 
#95
Spinal Tapper said:
Hey everyone.
I've been really really frustrated lately. I've been with this girl for almost 2 years. We live together.
I've been in my band (and playing music) MUCH longer than that.

She's never had a problem in the past coming to shows and functioning with the other girlfriends/my friends/her friends with a lot of people around.
My band took a quick hiatus from shows to concentrate on writing new stuff, but now we're gigging again. The last few months when we've played shows, she gets pissed at me after EVERY show...for NO reason!
She blames me for ignoring her while I thank other people for coming out, selling merch, or going to talk to friends I haven't seen in a while, even if she tags along with me to the other side of the bar and I introduce her. She makes me out to look like an *******.
She even got pissed when we had to run the gear back to our rehearsal spot for 10 minutes after the gig so it wouldn't get stolen out of the van (which the owner warned us "happens constantly" outside this bar).

How can I control my insecure girlfriend at shows and/or get her to chill the hell out and have a good time??? (No, alcohol makes her worse, I tried that...)

Thanks for letting me rant TBers, I don't know who else to talk about this - of course my band says "end it", but I love her and they're not forcing me choose or anything, it's just embarrassing...
Click to expand...


kick her to the curb,,,

Next....
 
#97
This is experience speaking - 46 years old (almost), 17 years married.

Insecure people (not just women) suck to have in your life. They have no lives, so they expect YOU to fill it up and keep them happy and feeling secure 100% of the time. They are like black holes of emotional need -- and will suck the life out of you. No matter what you do, she will always want more. She wants herself to be the CENTER of your universe to the exclusion of all other things, including your PASSION (music), as you are the center of her universe which is bereft of anything else. In her mind, it's logical.

I don't think you can talk insecure/jealous/needy people out of this habit. Talk all you want. At best, she will change her outward behaviors on the margin, but like a volcano, she will blow at some point and all of her insecurities, fears, and jealousies will come out in grand salvo on you.

People like that just don't change. And they will drag you down with them.

Doesn't matter how hot she is, how long you've been a couple - - ask yourself if THIS is what you want out of life, out of a partner? Are you willing to devote your life to being the sole focus of someone else's life and needs? A relationship where the couple does not have interests outside the couple is usually the couple that doesn't last.

Make up your mind and then follow that path. I truly believe if you stay with here, she will sour your music passion - chipping away at it, trying to make you make a choice --- "it's your band or me!"

I've seen it before. The last THREE people that left my band were because of GFs who met them THROUGH the band, then became jealous of their time IN the band and forced them to choose. How messed up is that??

I can't stress this enough. Life is too short. There are too many NORMAL women out there.

Scrape her off like a barnacle.
 
#98
dreadheadbass said:
i had the same problem with my gf i got accussed of everything form chatting up fans to not making eye contact with her when i was onstage
in the end i had to get nasty with her and explain that when i'm with her she comes 1st but when i'm onstage at a gig the crowd and the band come 1st n if she cant deal with it then to stay at home
i've got to admit its extemely annoying at times but tough love works better than you'd think i remember playing a storming gig and to celebrate we went round to the guitarists house to continue the party after 5 min she was whining that she wanted to go home so a rang a taxi when it arrived i gave her 20 quid and stuffed her in the taxi on her own and said "text me when you get home i'm going back inside" the look on her face was priceless
ever since then she's been much more relaxed at gigs and we get on even better than before and as an added bonuse she now gets on with the gf's of all the other band memebers and even helps me sound check and lug gear
Click to expand...

Ha ha. Quality :D
 
#99
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#100
T. B. Player said:
Went back and scanned a lot of this thread - I find it interesting that absolutely NO ONE said, "What does your girlfriend look like?" and no photo is posted.

I must admit I admire that all of you - these suggestions are offered based on experience and sentiment, rather than, "So, how hot is she?"

(Watch somebody come along now and ask the inevitable question.....)

Z
Click to expand...

Don't care how hot she might be, she could be the hottest thing any of you guys could imagine,still couldn't do it. Rather be single that put up with that behavior. One of my peeves.
But hey, everyones got their own boundaries.
 

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