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Insecure girlfriend at shows...

#61
davec said:
Just a thought, but I was busted on a previous post where I just wanted people to agree with me, not there real opinion. Thats OK its called venting..... If you want real relationship advice, I would ask a group who didn't have the bias of dump the girl keep the gig that a bass players forum does
Click to expand...

I TOTALLY agree, but I also got some VERY inspirational words from some of the TB members here. I got the same response of "dump the girl" from my bandmates and other friends I've talked to, but I just wanted some people who have been through this before to share their experiences. Thanks for sharing yours too :)
 
#64
Good news and bad news - my gf used to do this but doesn't anymore....but i can't remember how i fixed it.

I think i showed her an article in bassplayer (or some other mag) where they were talking about putting on a show and how there was nothing worse than a guy who went straight from the stage to cuddles instead of networking and getting amounst the people. she's a journo so magazines must be right.

That and there was a talk or 2 (or 94).

There is hope but i can't remember what it is exactly.

But someone did mention her acting out of another issue which is oftern the case
 
#65
Best thing you could do is sit her down and tell her it's over because of her behavior which you find unacceptable.

Either she'll see how serious you are about this behavior being unacceptable to you and change OR she'll realize that she doesn't want to change and leave.

Either way, problem solved. You can't control her - don't try - just tell her whats up, give her a choice and keep going.
 
#66
Spinal Tapper said:
Believe me, I make TOO much time for her. I've blown off a lot of my non-musician friends for my band and my girl. Mostly my girl. I never blow off the band though, that's nuts.
But like I said, me n the girl live together, and are with each other 5 out of the 7 nights that I'm not at practice. She needs a hobby or something...
Click to expand...

Actually, she needs more ketchup. More ketchup will solve
all her horrible relationship, jealousy, anger, passive
aggressive and insecurity issues. And its a great anti-oxidant!
Just in case she has too much oxygen or is starting to rust.
 
#72
Wow what a pic! What movie is it from?

I have thought this through many a time. Here is the solution.

22 is young. She probably doesn't know why she does what she does. Ask about her feelings, say "yes that sucks," and then ask her what she would like to have happen at the next show. If it's reasonable give it a shot, if not try a compromise, if neither of those work say goodbye. Also get her an instant hobby via a gift of ballet lessons or skating or whatever non-couple activity she might like. Call her friends and tell them to take her for girls night out because she is turning into a shrew and friends don't let friends rodentize. Finally, explain to her that mgmt. decided your having an obvious gf at shows is harming the band image - you all need to look androgynous and available so sales in both the 14-23 female and the prized gay male brackets can really take off. Since you do love her, tell her the new weekly plan is for her to wear a different outfit/disguise to every show, pretend to be strangers, coldly ignore you as you do business, but then gradually, subtly, she is to *secretly* flirt w/ you. A little eye contact from across the room, a casual brush at the bar . . . Then, when most people have gone home, you will make crazy hot ****** **** in the closet/coat room/kitchen/parking lot/dressing room/car/van/boat/dumpster at the club. If none of this works then she does not truly love you, so ask for her sister's number and say goodbye!
 
#73
Sheesh guys!

Looking at this from the other end....

I'm a girl and I was always the one in the band, and my BF was the one coming to shows. When you're in a band, you're getting all the attention. The GF in this instance just sounds jealous to me. Not necessarily jealous of other women paying attention to her BF, but just attention in general. She does sound immature and probably doesn't know how to express herself. I would cut her some slack and sit down and talk to her about it.
 
#75
Let's see... the OP is spending 5 of 7 nights with his GF... GF gets jealous when OP's doing the band thing... methinks GF is being unreasonable.

You need to be clear that setup, teardown, performance, and post-gig networking are BUSINESS. (Too many band members IME treat it like time to get drunk... subject for another post...) She wouldn't put up with you demanding her attention all the time at her job, why should you have to put up with it?

There's no need to be rude about it, but if she can't understand this simple fact, she shouldn't be at your shows. Period.

What this all means for the relationship is another can of worms entirely. I hope you like them challenging... :eek:
 
#76
Sounds like she is needy or high maintenance. Those are tough girls but if you care about them and they care about you it can be worked out. There is a lot of good advice from all the previous posters, surely one of them should have some good advice for ya. Good luck
 
#79
Spinal Tap--

I got a wife who has had issues, you have a GF who HAS issues. If you cannot get a
handle on them and help her gain "control" of those issues, do not ever consider making
her your wife. Marriage does not make issues go away, if anything it allows them to
fester and blow.

The "good" part of this is you are hearing and seeing a part of her you might not have
seen before. The bad part is if it can be "fixed" by her (as YOU cannot fix it). this is
not really your issue, it is HER issue.

That said, it IS YOUR issue to clearly define it for her: How her actions and feelings
affect you, your bandmates, your livelyhood, etc etc. Someone mentioned that she
would not be going to the office with you every day. She needs to know your gigs are
your office, the boss is the guy paying for you to be there, and the fans are the judge
of your worth -- not her at that time.

If this does not register, realistically -- move on. Remember, it is HER issue to fix.
 

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