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Insecure girlfriend at shows...
- Thread starter Spinal Tapper
- Start date
Give her a job to do. Involve her. Make her invest some of herself in it. Merchandising ans networking is part of the music business. Its part of ANY business. there is a small amount of difference between A successful busines and a sad little hobby. If you don't embrace the business now, while you're doing well, when WILL you embrace it?
Show business - No business - no show.
And if she helps out, you take her home and thank her properly.
Alternatively, I've been through the hot-insecure-fiance thing. It was only after we split up that I found out that everyone pityed me! Women always say that they want you to take them for what you are. She needs to take you for what YOU are.
or ........... you have a growing fanbase to choose a new GF from.
Show business - No business - no show.
And if she helps out, you take her home and thank her properly.
Alternatively, I've been through the hot-insecure-fiance thing. It was only after we split up that I found out that everyone pityed me! Women always say that they want you to take them for what you are. She needs to take you for what YOU are.
or ........... you have a growing fanbase to choose a new GF from.
Figure out what the actual reason is and you may have a chance of changing the situation. Otherwise, it might be time to move on if you can't communicate and work it out.
my girlfriend (wife in September) is completely the opposite - she loves going to gigs, and the fact I might get attention (female or otherwise) is no problem whatsoever...
I let her know that she's got no competition, and when I come off stage she gets a big hug & kiss straight away... instead of being upset by the fact that her guy is the centre of attention, you turn it around by demonstrating in front of everyone that she's the only one for you (it means a lot more than just telling her)
but I think it all depends on what sort of person you've chosen... i've always tried to screen out that kind of insecure woman just because it's not fun having to deal with someone who hasn't developed a grown-up way of behaving...
it's a bigger issue than her behaviour at gigs in other words... I bet she pouts and flounces at virtually everything
us guys are idiots for the most part... we're ultra choosy about what our girls have to LOOK like yet we let them behave appallingly...
it's her fault... but it's your fault for accepting it up till now
I let her know that she's got no competition, and when I come off stage she gets a big hug & kiss straight away... instead of being upset by the fact that her guy is the centre of attention, you turn it around by demonstrating in front of everyone that she's the only one for you (it means a lot more than just telling her)
but I think it all depends on what sort of person you've chosen... i've always tried to screen out that kind of insecure woman just because it's not fun having to deal with someone who hasn't developed a grown-up way of behaving...
it's a bigger issue than her behaviour at gigs in other words... I bet she pouts and flounces at virtually everything
us guys are idiots for the most part... we're ultra choosy about what our girls have to LOOK like yet we let them behave appallingly...
it's her fault... but it's your fault for accepting it up till now
Im in the same situation and it will probably get worse. My GF is very insecure and having her boyfriend out doing gigs leaves alot of scenarios in her head. i try to be gentle when she has a breakdown but i dont know how to deal with it. I can get pissed because i think its childish.
I just got into this electro rock band and were gonna start gigging soon. please note that theres a realy cute signer in the band.... Nothing to help
Our first gig is in 8 weeks and its gonna be a 10 hour drive. This means 1 or 2 nights at a hotel...
No idee what its gonna turn out.
I just got into this electro rock band and were gonna start gigging soon. please note that theres a realy cute signer in the band.... Nothing to help
Our first gig is in 8 weeks and its gonna be a 10 hour drive. This means 1 or 2 nights at a hotel...
No idee what its gonna turn out.
You are probably too used to her behaviour, but really don't forget they are normal girls out there.
Or, he's making moral judgements that many people subscribe to. But you ARE CORRECT IMO re the coercion factor. This is not the way to start a permanent committed relationship.
There is not the time or the space for the many of us that have been down this road to share. BUT,
As someone who has been down the road through divorce, live-ins, girlfriends of all kinds plus happily married (finally) for 18 yrs:
- The behavior your describing speaks of insecure neediness that can only be changed by her (with your support as a partner within reason).
- If you're in the music game for life at any level, it takes a particular breed of gal to deal with that. (think doctor, policeman,etc)
- Double check and make sure you are supporting her personal trips, desires, and aspirations as long as they are not in direct conflict with your music.
- Real marriage is different from "lets live together 'cause we dig each other". Not being your "mom", I'm just layin it out there. There are reasons the institution has been around so long. Should you find yourself there again, think hard. I've been down both roads, I know the terrain.
- For those of you keeping score at home, yes marriage can suck and be screwed up too.
- +1 to the guy who put his gal in a cab and went back to the post gig party. It speaks of maturity, a no nonsense attitude, and independance. These are things most women appreciate regardless of which end of it they are on. They want to feel safe and secure in a relationship, and most appreciate leadership within any family unit. Sometimes that means putting them in a cab or asking them to stay home if they can't smile and be gracious on a particular night.
- I've cut some women loose under these types of circumstances and it has ultimately worked out for me. Even as a young testosterone laden maniac, I realized that any women trying to get in the way of my music was the same thing as trying to get in the way of my breathing.
If I knew I was gonna live this long I would have taken better care of myself,
JKT
Damn brother, you have put it in the best words. I wish I would have read your posts after starting to date my ex, she made me quit a band because she got jealous that other girls would be looking at me. The relationship ended 2 years later because i got sick of her ****, you could have saved me time though
Or perhaps she could stay at home and listen to Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor!
If you are making money at your shows, and the money is a source of income, she is interfering with your livelihood. This is a no-no. You will have a REAL serious situation when her little temper tantrums interfere with your band's business. When your bandmates livelihoods are jeopardized because some insecure GF is pouty - you'll be out of a band for sure (and stuck with a needy woman...). And one step further, if you are using that money to buy her dinners, things, pay rent, etc. - remind her of this.
When any person asks their partner to choose between them & something else, everyone ALWAYS loses. If you choose her, you lose music. If you choose music, she loses you & vice versa (if you have any inclination towards her at all!). It is a ridiculous choice - I cannot honestly think of any woman who is worth never playing out again.
For all you guys who are henpecked & get yelled at for having gear in the living room - is the house solely in her name? Are you making mortgage payments also? If so, it is as much your house as hers, and if you pay more, it is even MORE your house. So man up, and put your gear where you want to put your gear. It's YOUR living room, NOT only HERS. Think about it & act accordingly.
Damn brother, you have put it in the best words. I wish I would have read your posts after starting to date my ex, she made me quit a band because she got jealous that other girls would be looking at me. The relationship ended 2 years later because i got sick of her ****, you could have saved me time though
You never called! I would've helped! hehe
live and learn...if I could go back to my early 20's, I would've done a LOT of things different myself!
Fortunately I married a lady who has always been supportive of my hobbies and loves coming to the gigs, and has no jealousy issues. Thank God.
:scowl:
Does she by chance have a weight issue? A lot of women (especially the ones who could stand to lose 20+ pounds) are very insecure. Perhaps you could take the earnings from a gig or two & get her a gym membership.
All this talk of insecurity - I'm going to go and order a copy of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged at lunchtime today! I need to reread that one!
All this talk of insecurity - I'm going to go and order a copy of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged at lunchtime today! I need to reread that one!
Back in the '80s, my brother (the keyboardist) has an insecure girlfriend. I can't tell you how many arguments they had at shows.
Anyway, he married her....6 years later....they divorced....she played up on HIM...
Typical
When the girl thinks youre fooling around, she gets in her head youre realy doing it. Then she thinks its ok to do the same....
One thing is for sure;
first public scene = very serious talk
second public scene = move out
Life is too short and nobody has to put up with this crap.
first public scene = very serious talk
second public scene = move out
Life is too short and nobody has to put up with this crap.
