Insufferable Band Member(s)

[Lowandfat]

Understandable, but that's up to you and I respect that. I'd only say you had to be there and get treated the way we did (and it took a long time with us telling ourselves to take it easy, he's blind), and it's way too late after being in the Muzik Bidness for a long time to try for my Mother Theresa Merit Badge. Like a lot of things in life, after a while, in this case a very long while, Enough . . . . is Enough. BTW, we would have wrecked his life to fire him, that was never a thought to kick him to the curb.

You are (expletive withheld) disgusting. I don't care the offense, you think that's funny to do to a blind person? And then to proudly act like he deserved it? Really? Welcome to my ignore list too. Toxic is a thing. You are that thing.

 

[AceOfBassFace]

It's only been a couple of times for me that I've quit because of a band-mates personality. Both times though it was successful band, making money, with good followings.

One was a lead singer/guitarist who was 110% certain that he was the literal reincarnation of Hendrix because he was born 9 months after Jimi died, and was most surely Hendrix's equal as a musician. He was pretty good, but c'mon dude . He had such a fragile ego that everyone just eventually got tired of walking on eggshells around him and we eventually all quit.

The other is just too ridiculous to talk about - I started to type it up but was getting all worked up thinking about it. I'm still mad about it 20 years later .

 

[JW56789]

You are (expletive withheld) disgusting. I don't care the offense, you think that's funny to do to a blind person? And then to proudly act like he deserved it? Really? Welcome to my ignore list too. Toxic is a thing. You are that thing.

I am.

Thanks for reminding me.

Goodbye.

 

[SlinkyMonkey]

I was in a months-long sit down in a nice supper club in a good band. We had a blind piano player, very good, but over the course of the evening as the 'free drinks for the band' added up, he'd go from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde.

We all had the usual pity for a blind guy, but after a while, it wore on us enough the gloves came off. We'd been asking him to back off just a little on the Old Crow, but, you all know how well that usually works, and now enough . . . . was enough.

So . . . Tonight was the Night. About three sets in (and three sheets in the wind . . . ) he needed one of us to lead him to the Men's Room . . . . except we steered him to the Ladies Lounge. He emerged forthwith in a big hurry, what with the screams and flying purses.

He comes back to the stage, where we'd strategically applied electric tape to several keys here, and here, and down there, which of course he doesn't see, nor does he realize they're there until he's playing lots of clams he'd never ordinarily play.

The drummer, myself, and he car-pooled. His wife was ALWAYS in his face when he'd come home all tore up. So when we go to drop him off, there was a ditch in front of his house, with a little foot bridge crossing it. We pull up, help him out and get one hand on the railing, and jump back in the car. He always wanted to sneak in so as not to wake her. We'd lined him up to where his hand was on the railing, all right, but it was his right hand . . . on the left rail. He takes two steps, and whoops, he's in the ditch. At the same time we sat on the horn and burned rubber, hung a U-turn, and he's pulling himself out of the mud and here she comes down the front steps giving him up the country.

He slowed waaayyyyy down on his drinks after that, and it was never mentioned again.

I love it when a plan works out.

That were some pretty cruel things to a blind person.
Way out of line for a bandmate with a drinking problem imo.

 

[Geogio]

Get used to it.

I was with that outfit 10 years, then I transferred to another job another state. I kept in touch for a while but after about 25 years it folded. I think the casuals scene changed, shriners went DJ... etc, but if anything the quintet kept on, that always had work.

 

[turf3]

That were some pretty cruel things to a blind person.
Way out of line for a bandmate with a drinking problem imo.

I guess some of the stories from the band bus in the old days would be too rough for y'all.

 

[SlinkyMonkey]

I guess some of the stories from the band bus in the old days would be too rough for y'all.

So, people in the old days were more okay with ****ed up things... I'm not surprised.

Behaviors that were once acceptable or tolerated in the past might not be so now. I take that as a good sign. Not people getting soft, just civil society advancing you know

 

[Bass Viking]

The other is just too ridiculous to talk about - I started to type it up but was getting all worked up thinking about it. I'm still mad about it 20 years later .

Come on, ya gotta tell us! It will be cathartic.

 

[MrClassicMetal]

So, people in the old days were more okay with ****ed up things... I'm not surprised.

Behaviors that were once acceptable or tolerated in the past might not be so now. I take that as a good sign. Not people getting soft, just civil society advancing you know

Sometimes advancements are made, and sometimes the opposite is true.

Hordes of people are ok with perhaps even worse behaviour today.

 

[Michael Stanley 2112]

Sometimes advancements are made, and sometimes the opposite is true.

Hordes of people are ok with perhaps even worse behaviour today.

Can we PLEASE get a "love" button?!?!?!

 

[COYS]

So, people in the old days were more okay with ****ed up things... I'm not surprised.

Behaviors that were once acceptable or tolerated in the past might not be so now. I take that as a good sign. Not people getting soft, just civil society advancing you know

I agree with you all generally, it’s cruel to do that to someone using their handicap to get at them.

But, we should also not act like the man’s handicap excused his own long term pattern of abusive and irresponsible behavior.

it can be both “he deserved it” and “it was wrong to give it to him that way”. IMO

 

[Michael Stanley 2112]

Speaking as someone who is very recently "less"-abled, I don't expect people to "let me slide" for idiot behavior. In fact, I expect them to treat me no different than anyone else.

The fact this blind man was a one-size-fits-all tool (IMHO) is only a mitigating factor. At some point, we have to recognize our behavior.

There was a time in my life when I was so devastated, I climbed into a bottle for a month. It took a flippant, off-hand remark from someone I barely knew to open my eyes, but that's my experience. Both of my parents were worthless drunks.

Unfortunately for this clown (it seems) he had no motivation to change and while the method might have been a bit extreme, the point needed to be driven home in some way.

 

[SlinkyMonkey]

it can be both “he deserved it” and “it was wrong to give it to him that way”. IMO

Unfortunately for this clown (it seems) he had no motivation to change and while the method might have been a bit extreme, the point needed to be driven home in some way.

I don't have any problem with dealing with a bandmate's drinking problem. Yes, it's unprofessional, irresponsible, and it ruins a band. So if he's a drunken clown, fire him! Or give him an ultimatum to stop these clownish behavior. I'm all for it!

What I do have problems with is this:
Those pranks/punishments/lessons, whatever you might call them, that they pulled on the piano player, were solely based on the fact that he couldn't see. Those pranks wouldn't work if he was not blind. This makes it cruel, and I think it crossed a line.

It's one thing to not help him when he was drunk, to let him make all the mistakes and experience the consequences of his actions. It's an entirely other thing, to purposefully tricking him into making those mistakes, by taking advantage of his blindness.

And seriously, what are those pranks anyway? Leading a blind person into the ladies room? Tricking him to walk into a ditch? It felt like something a high school bully would do. Even for a kid that's pretty cruel.

 

[Michael Stanley 2112]

I don't have any problem with dealing with a bandmate's drinking problem. Yes, it's unprofessional, irresponsible, and it ruins a band. So if he's a drunken clown, fire him! Or give him an ultimatum to stop these clownish behavior. I'm all for it!

What I do have problems with is this:
Those pranks/punishments/lessons, whatever you might call them, that they pulled on the piano player, were solely based on the fact that he couldn't see. Those pranks wouldn't work if he was not blind. This makes it cruel, and I think it crossed a line.

I have some experience with drinking and there's a reason people use the old trope: "Blind drunk". This wouldn't have worked if he wasn't blind? Ridiculous!

I had "friends" drag me into some bad situations when I was drunk and I've never been blind. A ladies room? Kid stuff. The "victim" had a built-in excuse if anyone raised a stink about him being in there. He's blind! You don't believe there's never been a blind person who wandered into the wrong door on their own steam?

They might have "taught" him a valuable lesson before his own stupidity/irresponsibility brought him to a "bottom" of his own making.

 

[SlinkyMonkey]

I have some experience with drinking and there's a reason people use the old trope: "Blind drunk". This wouldn't have worked if he wasn't blind? Ridiculous!

I had "friends" drag me into some bad situations when I was drunk and I've never been blind. A ladies room? Kid stuff. The "victim" had a built-in excuse if anyone raised a stink about him being in there. He's blind! You don't believe there's never been a blind person who wandered into the wrong door on their own steam?

They might have "taught" him a valuable lesson before his own stupidity/irresponsibility brought him to a "bottom" of his own making.

After the guy came back from the ladies’ room he continued playing the remaining sets. I’m no drinking expert, but it seems to me he’s a bit less from the “blind drunk” state you described, but ymmv.

You said they might have teach him a valuable lesson, but riddle me this: who were they to teach him such a “lesson”? Or maybe a better description: who were they to hand him such punishments?

To me it feels like they did this knowing full well that a blind person can’t really do anything about those shenanigans — You can read it from his original comment: they placed tapes on his keys so that he would make mistakes that he usually doesn’t make, because “of course he doesn’t see”.

I can’t help but wonder, if the same story was told from another perspective, not necessarily the piano player but any bystander, would people call red flags seeing what they did to their bandmate and to sabotage the show?

The op obviously made it into a story about drunk player squandering others’ pity for him and ended up getting taught a lesson. I guess this may be a feel-good story for some, but even after all the vague background story of his drinking problems, I don’t think he deserved it at all.

 

[Lowandfat]

I'd like to thank all of you who are OK with exploiting the handicap of a blind person to "teach them a lesson" for showing me who to block with one post. Un. Real.

 

[factory presets]

After the guy came back from the ladies’ room he continued playing the remaining sets. I’m no drinking expert, but it seems to me he’s a bit less from the “blind drunk” state you described, but ymmv.

You said they might have teach him a valuable lesson, but riddle me this: who were they to teach him such a “lesson”? Or maybe a better description: who were they to hand him such punishments?

To me it feels like they did this knowing full well that a blind person can’t really do anything about those shenanigans — You can read it from his original comment: they placed tapes on his keys so that he would make mistakes that he usually doesn’t make, because “of course he doesn’t see”.

I can’t help but wonder, if the same story was told from another perspective, not necessarily the piano player but any bystander, would people call red flags seeing what they did to their bandmate and to sabotage the show?

The op obviously made it into a story about drunk player squandering others’ pity for him and ended up getting taught a lesson. I guess this may be a feel-good story for some, but even after all the vague background story of his drinking problems, I don’t think he deserved it at all.

I'm kind of amazed the whole band thought it was fair and funny. Unless they were bullied into going along with it by one sociopathic member. Either way, it'd band I'd leave very early in the piece.

 

[dwm74]

Keith Richards once described Jagger as "insufferable". Apparently they were able to work it out

This. Obviously a different level of success from most of us but this is what apparently plagues most bands. If you've ever watched VH1's Behind the Music documentaries it seems that almost every successful band out there has members that can barely tolerate each other. Keith and Mick, EVH and David Lee Roth, Bruce Dickinson and Steve Harris (Iron Maiden), Metallica, Steven Tyler/Joe Perry (Aerosmith), Ozzy w/Black Sabbath, Fleetwood Mac, etc, etc, the list goes on. Sometimes these guys figure out it's more beneficial to put the egos away for the the success of the band, and sometimes they don't. Unless you're getting paid handsomely for all that tension then I'd agree with walking away. It's gotta be fun and rewarding otherwise it's just a chore.

 

[MrClassicMetal]

Keith Richards once described Jagger as "insufferable". Apparently they were able to work it out

In that case it's more like very good or best friends; they don't have to sugarcoat it, often cuss each other out and can say those kinds of things with minor consequences. Because they know that when push comes to shove, they'll have each other's backs. That's how guys are.

 

[dasherf17]

I love the diversity of viewpoints on these threads, and I’d love to learn about the strategies (or coping mechanisms?) for dealing with difficult band members. Do you ever choose to stay in a band with a member that you just find insufferable?

I don't remember if I told this here...
A band I played keys for was "run" by the two guitar players...we practiced for a couple months (Wednesdays, mostly), never finding jobs until the one...it went well, we got an average of 2-3 weekends a month...
My take, and the bass and drummer's, were that apart from learning the occasional new tunes, we didn’t need the practice as long as the gigs came in...
In the beginning of the next spring, "the boys" decided we would practice Saturdays and Sundays before the gigs "to be sharp" for that night...
They lost their whole rhythm section...