Enjoy the benefits of a premium membership!
Upgrade Account
-
TalkBass has been independent since 1998. Add your voice.
Create a free account to reply to discussions, view embedded media, and browse with fewer display ads.
Join free Log in
Want zero display ads or expanded classifieds tools? Compare plans.
Is my friend a bad person?
- Thread starter MakoMan
- Start date
- Status
Bob,
No one here is going to judge you. We have to do what we have to do.
Happy wife, happy life.
RBM
Last edited:
Greetings from the North,
ElectroVibe - Invoking Billy Mumy is hilarious!
Rezdog
ElectroVibe - Invoking Billy Mumy is hilarious!
Rezdog
Everyone judges. The people that say "who am I to judge?" usually say that right after they finish judging someone.
It's certainly fair to judge a person that admits to being deceitful. As humans we determine a person's trustworthiness by "judging" their actions.
Bob, that wasn't your money that you spent, that was "our" money. Once you received it, no matter how, it was "ours", and you didn't pay the marriage tax on it. So, you are going to have to pay to your spouse the marriage tax at 50% of the cost of the bass, plus interest and penalties.
How much was the bass?
How much was the bass?
I'm lucky, my wife can't tell a Fender from a Rickenbacker from a Gibson, they ALL look the same to her, same with amps. The only way I would ever get caught sneaking anything in the house would be if I tried to sneak an upright in. But I pretty much give her money to buy whatever she wants though which turns out to be 200 dollar purse here and there etc. and i never complain if she buys something. Several years ago a new jet black Gibson T Bird suddenly appeared in my guitar rack, I pulled it out and played it right in front of her, did she notice even with hints? Naaa
and it looked nothing like any other bass I owned. I brought a nice Fender Dual Showman head home a few years ago, nope... etc etc etc. I do sometimes tell her though...usually after I buy the thing. I think your friend is a man after my own heart.
Last edited:
Not to mention, the OP specifically asks us to judge. "Is Bob a bad person?" That's literally right there in the post.
I was actually a sneaky dirt bike collecting nutjob when she met me... then it was golf clubs... now it's bass guitars, which are a lot cheaper than either
That would just mean Bob would not have to drag a case down to the store with him
I have a winner. My girlfriend pretty much buys all my basses nowadays, and she would never dream of telling me "no" to anything I've ever wanted or wanted to do. That's how relationships are supposed to be. For our 10th anniversary, she surprised me with a custom ESP, custom painted with our anniversary on the back. And, she just bought me a Rickenbacker Montezuma Amberglo figured 4003 because she remembered I always said if Rick did a solid flame body with checkerboard binding, I would buy it in a heartbeat. Rick built it, and she bought it. Then, a figured walnut 4003AC popped up on SamAsh for $1200 off, and of course she got it for me-I told her when they first came out if a "fancy wood" example popped up (and didn't look "poop brown") I wanted it-so she got it for me as an early Christmas present.
I would never dream of lying to her or deceiving her. If I was in that kind of relationship I would bail. Immediately.
I would never dream of lying to her or deceiving her. If I was in that kind of relationship I would bail. Immediately.
$249 Canadian pesos plus tax. Money wasn't the issue. I just had a sudden GAS urge to run down to the store in the middle of a beautiful afternoon to look at a new model of short scale bass the store had just received without giving a big explanation of why I was looking at buying my 3rd bass in a month. The worst my wife would have said was 'you gotta go right now? It's beautiful out here in the back yard' and I would have had to say 'yes' and then tell her about how I had been GASing for a Fender Precision Junior for years and how impossible they were to find and how expensive they were, but NOW SQUIER had come out with a MINI P and the store just texted me they had received one!!!! These are things you cannot properly explain to non-bass playing people no matter how much you love each other and quite frankly she'd rather not hear it. So I gave an admittedly lame excuse that I 'needed' to run to the store to get a little something fixed and ended up buying pretty much the cheapest Squier bass on the planet - other than the Bronco I bought three weeks ago before I found out the Squier Mini P even existed LOL!
The three basses I bought this month - the first two used - cost me in total less than $500 Canadian - about $350 US - and it was from money that my wife actually knows I keep stashed in the garage for that purpose from gig money and stuff I've sold.
It's not about the money... it's about the volume, the obsession and feeling a bit guilty about explaining it all the time when the truth is my wife really could care less if I buy a bass or not. She doesn't need a big explanation... I'm really justifying it to myself. And of course with the pandemic and not working I'm a bit bored sitting at home.
Yep... I'm a bit neurotic and as I was sitting on the couch beside my lovely wife unable to play my new bass because of my harmless deceit, I thought the whole thing was pretty funny so I posted it on TB. I knew a lot of people would get it and find it funny and others would think I'm a heel, but it's been a pretty fun ride reading the responses.
Had the bass not turned out to be defective and had to be returned, I probably would not have fessed up. A couple of months from now I'd have been playing it and she'd probably say 'hey, is that a new bass. I haven't seen it before' and I would have said, 'yeah I bought it a few months ago, but I didn't tell you because I knew you didn't want a big explanation'.
The youngest of our two daughters just turned 40 and we have 5 incredible grandkids. I think we'll make it
Last edited:
Did not read the whole thread, but FWIW -
I think we're all bad people at some level. Which doesn't excuse it, but it's true.
I have sometimes spent money I shouldn't have on instruments without telling my wife and brought them home without showing them to her or telling her I bought them. I don't think I've ever lied to her about what I was doing or concocted an elaborate scheme to deceive her about it. That's not to say "I'm good, you're bad," just that this particular form of badness isn't something I've done.
People can only deal with each other if we give each other some grace and forgiveness, in marriage above all. Hopefully your wife gives you that. Hopefully you don't presume on it to abuse her forgiveness. And vice versa.
How bad it is depends a lot on situational factors, about your finance and your relationship. Take gambling - in general I think a gambling habit is a bad idea, but there's a difference between a family vacation in Vegas where you stick to a budget of how much money you'll bet, vs. someone who surreptitiously gambles away the money that was supposed to pay the mortgage. If you have a pattern of doing things you shouldn't and deceiving her on a regular basis, if the money spent on the instrument was needed for more important things, it's more serious than if those aren't the case.
I think we're all bad people at some level. Which doesn't excuse it, but it's true.
I have sometimes spent money I shouldn't have on instruments without telling my wife and brought them home without showing them to her or telling her I bought them. I don't think I've ever lied to her about what I was doing or concocted an elaborate scheme to deceive her about it. That's not to say "I'm good, you're bad," just that this particular form of badness isn't something I've done.
People can only deal with each other if we give each other some grace and forgiveness, in marriage above all. Hopefully your wife gives you that. Hopefully you don't presume on it to abuse her forgiveness. And vice versa.
How bad it is depends a lot on situational factors, about your finance and your relationship. Take gambling - in general I think a gambling habit is a bad idea, but there's a difference between a family vacation in Vegas where you stick to a budget of how much money you'll bet, vs. someone who surreptitiously gambles away the money that was supposed to pay the mortgage. If you have a pattern of doing things you shouldn't and deceiving her on a regular basis, if the money spent on the instrument was needed for more important things, it's more serious than if those aren't the case.
You're right; this is within the range of negative behavior that is sometimes tolerated in marriages.
To me, one incident like this is something that might be excused. Repeated incidents are an indication that he is not worthy of trust, and over time that can be a relationship killer.
To me, one incident like this is something that might be excused. Repeated incidents are an indication that he is not worthy of trust, and over time that can be a relationship killer.
Last edited by a moderator:
Marriage and bass buying are complementary, otherwise, no one would get married. Marriage creates a second income so you can buy more gear. The conflicting interests are about space, not money. If Bob had 150 harmonicas in a drawer, no one would say or think anything about it. But put 10 basses out on the floor, and even an 8 year old kid will say, "uh, what's up with all these basses?"
Of course, most 8 year olds don't know what a bass is, so you gotta assume they're hearing about it through someone else.
Of course, most 8 year olds don't know what a bass is, so you gotta assume they're hearing about it through someone else.
- Status
