Is Your Band Family Friendly?

[bassguppy]

The best thing is we all get along. Band members and spouses. We also get together when not gigging for dinner, drinks, or whatever.

Not too many practices, so that you don't cut too much into family time.

We try to practice 1 time per week (rarely over 2 hours). Our "slow season' is usually from New Years to mid-March and we only practice maybe 1 time per month. When were busy we rarely practice (we gig 6-10 times per month from April to November).


Paying gigs, so that it can help out the family budget.

We only do 4-5 freebies a year. All others are paid. Our gigs are also unconventional to many other bands in that we don't play in bars or late at night (we play music for kids). Most gigs will start between 10AM and 4PM and only last 1-2 hours tops. Nothing like being home by 5pm and the gig is done.


A deep bench of available subs, so if you need to take a gig off, you can without it being a huge deal.

All original band playing childrens music so noone could just step in. Besides, what self-respecting bassist would want to play this crap.


Little to no touring. IME, travel for any type of job is hard on a relationship or family.

No touring. Gigs are generally within 100 mile radius (SF Bay area). Maybe 1 time a year we will book 2-3 shows either in NYC, Philly, or DC and make a mini-vacation out of it. Usually we do this if there is a childrens music conference or other event that we can promote ourselves.


Reasonable behavior on the gig and afterwards.

I play in a kid's music band. I don't need someones father punching me out thinking I'm eyeing his 10 year old.

 

[kanonfodr]

My last band probably could have been family friendly, but none of us had families, really.

My current project that I am leading is pretty laid back. Rhythm guitarist works every other weekend, so we jam around her schedule but I'm also willing to work around anything else. Lead guitarist will be bringing his kid tomorrow, drummer is visiting his grandma. No problemo, it may just be us guys next weekend if the lead guitarist can get away.

Peace,
Greg

 

[jaywa]

Excellent topic. Here's the scoop on my current main project:

- Not too many practices, so that you don't cut too much into family time.

We don't practice much. Once every 2-3 weeks at the most. Our show is 80-90% covers depending on the night and three of us have been playing cover gigs for 25 years or more apiece, so we can literally play these songs in our sleep (and sometimes I think we have). The only times we really rehearse is when we're learning new tunes for the show or breaking in a new member.

- Paying gigs, so that it can help out the family budget.

Yup. The BL has a set minimum for what each band member gets and if he can't pay us at least the minimum for a gig, he won't take the gig. And we never play benefits. The income from my band turned out to be a Godsend (literally) last year after my wife got fired and couldn't work for a few months due to health issues.

- A deep bench of available subs, so if you need to take a gig off, you can without it being a huge deal.

Not so much on this, but the deal is, as long as we give him enough advance notice the BL will either find a sub, or he simply won't book a gig on that date. OTOH, my band is so much fun and the gigs play well enough that we all try to make ourselves as available as possible. I played over 50 gigs with my band last year and the only member who missed any of them was the drummer and he only missed two because he's in the Guards and had commitments those weekends.

- Little to no touring. IME, travel for any type of job is hard on a relationship or family.

We do travel quite a bit and sometimes there are overnighters... in this part of the country that's pretty much a given unless you only want to play once a month or less. Especially in the summer when we're playing festivals, street dances etc. where the big money is. But we all have very understanding wives as far as that goes and we're all old enough that the "temptations of the road" don't really present themselves anymore, if you know what I mean.

- Reasonable behavior on the gig and afterwards.

Check.

All in all, my current band is much more family friendly than my previous one.

 

[cableguy]

All of my bands have been family-friendly, otherwise I wouldn't be in them.

This.

 

[Floyd Eye]

Considering there are topics on the forum related to family or relationship issues, I figured I'd throw this out there. How family friendly is your band? I'm not talking about your shows, but your stance on family members of your bandmates.

IME, I have had family/relationship issues such as divorce break up or halt momentum more often than drugs, day jobs, etc. So, I try to be accomodating to band members' family needs and join bands that are that way as well. The things that I have found to be family friendly:
- Not too many practices, so that you don't cut too much into family time.
- Paying gigs, so that it can help out the family budget.
- A deep bench of available subs, so if you need to take a gig off, you can without it being a huge deal.
- Little to no touring. IME, travel for any type of job is hard on a relationship or family.
- Reasonable behavior on the gig and afterwards.

I'm not saying that all bands should follow this, or that it's the best way for making a band succesful. It's just what I consider "family friendly", and what works for me.

So, how family friendly is your band?
What do you do to accomodate band member's families?

All three of us are married with children and we are friends as well as band mates, so yeah, in that sense we are definitely family friendly.

As far as our shows/music. Uh, I wouldn't bring impressionable young children to one of our shows, that's for sure.

 

[blindrabbit]

Good topic to discuss, and good points to consider. I'm currently looking to get back into/put together a "family friendly" band, and the discussion here has really helped to crystallize some of the things I'll need to look for or set up.

In my 20s the band I was in wasn't geared towards being family friendly, but it didn't need to be. Nowadays, I don't think there is much of a choice - if I'm going to get back into regular playing, it *has* to be family friendly, or it isn't going to happen...and that's my choice, not something that my wife has imposed upon me. If anything, she's been incredibly supportive and encouraging about my getting back into music in any way that I can.

 

[jaywa]

In our band, three of us (including myself) have wives who are over 50 yrs old and they hardly ever come out to our shows because frankly at that age they have no desire to spend 4 hours in a bar, mostly by themselves.

So it was really cool last week when my BL (who is 30 and "attached" but not married), hosted a post-holiday party for the band at his place and made sure we all of our wives were invited as well. I've been in the band for 9 months and this was the first time my wife was able to meet the other "band wives" so it was really neat. He had some killer food brought in, full bar, the whole thing. Not something he had to do, just a "thank you" from him to us for a great year and we all really appreciated it.

 

[rtslinger]

We are all brothers from another Mother!

 

[jive1]

I think it's a matter of respect.. IMO we should all respect each others' lives outside any band situation no matter what type of band. Even a 20 year old that wants to tour the world and is without kids, a full-time job, girlfriend, etc. still will have some family or other obligations outside the band. That's just life and you gotta respect each others' lives...

I agree, not just for folks with family, but for anyone. When I was young and single, it used to tick me off when folks with families or wives would act like I had all the free time in the world. Heck, when I was single, just living was keeping me busy because I had to do everything myself. Thank the Lord for my wife.

Even the young and single have lives outside of music, and it needs to be respected. I used to love to play basketball alot, and I would get jammed fingers from time to time. I would show up at gigs with a taped up finger, and the guitar player would be pissed at me. But what could he do? We were all grown men, and we had to respect that.

Personally, I try to treat people's lives outside of the band with as much respect as family. IME, people are a whole lot happier that way.