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Is Your Band Family Friendly?

jive1

jive1

Commercial User
Jan 16, 2003
12,525
4,060
55
Alexandria,VA
www.jivesound.com
Disclosures
Owner/Retailer: Jive Sound
#1
Considering there are topics on the forum related to family or relationship issues, I figured I'd throw this out there. How family friendly is your band? I'm not talking about your shows, but your stance on family members of your bandmates.

IME, I have had family/relationship issues such as divorce break up or halt momentum more often than drugs, day jobs, etc. So, I try to be accomodating to band members' family needs and join bands that are that way as well. The things that I have found to be family friendly:
- Not too many practices, so that you don't cut too much into family time.
- Paying gigs, so that it can help out the family budget.
- A deep bench of available subs, so if you need to take a gig off, you can without it being a huge deal.
- Little to no touring. IME, travel for any type of job is hard on a relationship or family.
- Reasonable behavior on the gig and afterwards.

I'm not saying that all bands should follow this, or that it's the best way for making a band succesful. It's just what I consider "family friendly", and what works for me.

So, how family friendly is your band?
What do you do to accomodate band member's families?
 
#2
My band has been formed with the following understandings:

- We are there to enjoy the music and the company, NOT to gig or make money.
- We will practice on a regular basis and enjoy what we play.
- We will gig when the opportunity falls our way, otherwise we won't worry about it.
- We will deal with each other honestly .
- There will be no ego issues and no games.
- I'm the band manager. I will tell every person the truth and be clear about our roles.

We have the luxury to be a group of guys who are over 40 (mostly over 50) who don't need the money and who don't have the time to run around playing a lot of gigs..so we won't do it. It's very nice to be able to form a band because you like the others and enjoy playing with them.

We're planning a BBQ to get the families together...hopefully they will get along.
 
#3
My band pretty much IS my family..we've known each other and jammed together since high school,sooo..20+ yrs,wives/girlfriends included. All of our 'actual' families get along,hang out,and support us fully. My drummer and one guitarist are brothers and they and their parents have a locally known band,(we've done several gigs as one big Partridge Family),my singer/guitarist and I do other projects..It's always been "One Big Happy",we always pitch in to help the others,never any animosity or drama beyond "who rolled the cords like an idiot" ,or the worst,"who had my tuner last!"...like I said..Family
 
#4
I would have to guess my band is not very family friendly.

- Everyone is under 30
- We practice a lot. Maybe twice in in a week plus Sundays.
- When we play, we usually stick around till the wee hours of the morning hanging out in the place we play.
- We have a silent agreement that the group is first over any casual fling or girlfriend. (None of us is married or has any "meaningful" relationship)

I guess it must be dificult having a relationship with someone who cant accept the fact that musicians tend to enjoy playing out with a band.

I have read things in this forum that make me real sad for some people who have to deal with nagging significant others about something so special as playing music.

Personaly I couldnt deal with someone who cant accept that playing music is one of my passions. I would NEVER compromise that aspect of my life.
 
#5
The band probably is but I'm probably not terribly.

Eventually that will likely be an issue.

The greater bit of comedy will come someday when they find out I'm an atheist. They've already asked if I would fill in for their weekly "praise" gig and I turned them down saying I reserve my Sunday mornings for coping with hangovers unless I have a paying gig.
 
#6
Up til now, music has always come first and, while I do commit, any relationships I've been in the woman has to realise that, short of something life-threatening, I'm NOT going to cancel gigs for birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

I also won't accept any attempts to change me into a "normal" person - in the words of the great philosopher "I yam what i yam and that's all that I yam"

Having said that I've had a couple of great long-term de facto relationships over the last 30 years.
 
#7
I travel so I guess I don't qualify. Don't care, though...my kids are adults now and my wife's glad to get rid of me for a few days at a time.

But our act is family friendly. I've tried many times to interject sexual and violent content into our shows, and get thwarted every time. I don't get it...it works for Madonna.
 
#8
jive1 said:
- Not too many practices, so that you don't cut too much into family time.
- Paying gigs, so that it can help out the family budget.
- A deep bench of available subs, so if you need to take a gig off, you can without it being a huge deal.
- Little to no touring. IME, travel for any type of job is hard on a relationship or family.
- Reasonable behavior on the gig and afterwards.
Click to expand...
Y'know, the above just seem like good ideas in general, even if you don't have any family. Except maybe the "reasonable behavior afterwards" part, though tbh I usually have to be up early the next morning anyway.
 
#10
The one I am is. We do all the things you list. It is a matter of having the right people who share the same vision, or have something else besides family. For example, in my 5 peice band 3 of us have small children; of the two that don't, one owns his own business that can keep him occupied and busy whenever, and the other is a versitle drummer who is in much demand as a sub, so he is never out of work because one of us with kids has some birthday party or Christmas paegent to attend! The only thing we do miss out on is that we have had the offers to do some pretty cool gigs in the Carribean, but the money just wasn't enough to justify being away from home for three days. If none of us had kids, I know we would have done these jobs in a heartbeat. I'm just glad I got the opportunity to do gigs like that earlier in my career..............
 
#11
- Not too many practices, so that you don't cut too much into family time.
They like to do once a week with the goal of adding 2 new songs every time. I play pretty much every Fri/Sat and I'm useless come Sunday, so another night away from home really doesn't work for me and mine.

- Paying gigs, so that it can help out the family budget. Every Fri/Sat

- A deep bench of available subs, so if you need to take a gig off, you can without it being a huge deal. Nope, My sub from last year is busy with his band this year and availability is not good.


- Little to no touring. IME, travel for any type of job is hard on a relationship or family. We pretty much play within 30 miles of home


- Reasonable behavior on the gig and afterwards. Are you kidding?? The singer has been known to disappear between the 3rd and forth sets to take girls out to his car in the parking lot. One time he got busted in the broom closet of the bar with a chick in flagrante delicto. Other members (myself included) have had instances where we've imbibed a little too much. We also say **** a lot. I mean a LOT!
 
#13
yes, without a doubt

My wife and I play in the band together,

we have the practices at our house once a week (the band setup is a permanent part of our living room) and we don't have to leave the kids alone. We leave the kids at home on gig nights, but take them with us during daytime gigs

my wife and I get 1/3rd of the total gig check

We don't use subs. If somebody can't do a gig, we work around it, unless it's the lead singer or myself. I run and setup all the sound equipment, and nobody else knows what they are doing in the that department, so it's next to impossible to do without me, not even mentioning that nobody else plays bass. We all agree on gigs before we commit to them
 
#14
I went from a decidedly non-family friendly band to a praise and worship gig. the band was not only tough to balance with my family's schedule, the content of the music and stage show was 100% R-rated. Our motto was "music by adults- for adults". The lyrics were suggestive and our backup singers wore next to nothing. We were very popular at some venues, but occasionally we'd end up on a bill with an all-ages band and end up offending some 15 year old's mom who came to see him play.

This all got to be too much for me as a father and frankly as a Christian. The band sort of dissolved anyway after the singer (who was married to one backup singer) was found in bed with the other backup singer. Too much drama!

Now I have a weekly gig. My church rig lives at the church. All I bring is my bass. My wife and kids are there front and center every week getting to see Dad play. Our only gigs are to occasionally play outside on the church lawn if we are having a spring or summer event like a BBQ. It is much more fulfilling for me on a personal level, and certainly easier for me on a family level.
 
#18
Family stuff is foreign to me. Divorced twice and my 2 sons are adults.

All my band mates are married and the spouses are heavily involved with the band. The BLs husband runs sound and our other guitarist wife is the business manager, she pays us.

They all seem to work well together. I feel like I am part of a family, not just a band.



blue
 
#19
My band is very family friendly.

We set all practices around others shedules and if we cant get enough of us to make it a good practice we cancel and reschedule it. We always try to make a buck and do for it the most part. Although it might not always be allot of money always enough for a tank full of gas and sometimes quite allot depending on the gig. Most gigs include free drinks and a good dinner on the house.
We all get along with no issues although our drummer is leaving at the end of February (moving). We have no subs since we are an originals band. We have been lucky and canceled only one gig in three years and have sometimes play as a trio or a member down and can still pull it off.

We would like to do a mini tour and still might but we keep gigs to 40 miles or less and keep busy. Two gigs a month is average and sometimes three which for an originals band is pretty good and we are lucky for them.
 
#20
We don't rehearse. We all learn songs on our time.

We only gig at MOST twice per month.

I don't hang out with them outside of music hardly at all. No "personal" issues or the wives gossiping.

We don't book gigs without getting approval of an open schedule from everyone.

All gigs booked are within a 45 minute drive, with the exception of a wedding. In which we charge double/triple rates.

Being a trio we split the gig money three ways. The drummer owns the PA but stated he doesn't want us to pay for it's use because he doesn't want ownership issues to come up.

We are all married with kids. We don't get hammered or hang out with the womens on gigs.

We have no SUBS. Because of the covering over 50 years worth of music I highly doubt finding a sub for anyone would turn out favorably in our area.
 

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