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Is Your Band Family Friendly?

#21
Hmm, Id say it is, although none of us really have family lives at this point.

Our drummer might possibly be going through a divorce real soon, but from what I understand he and his wife never see each other and no longer live together. I think he's dating a fellow musician whose band plays with our and she happens to be a fan of our band.
The bandleader has been dating a cool chick for about 6 months now. She has a kid, and doesnt come to all of our shows, but she makes it when she can, and they get along well.
Keys player has also been seriously dating someone since last summer.
Our lead guitarist currently has a dude fawning over her. He's good for our shows as he's really energetic, is into our music, and spreads that energy to others getting them out on the dancefloor.
Myself, Ive been with my wife for 3 years now, married since last summer. Things are going good.

We generally rehearse once a week, and any of us might meet up with the badleader for a little extra session during the week.
Our gigs dont pay much, but its not a concern of mine, as my wife and I make enough money to support our lifestyle, and I didnt get into playing music to make money. (more would be nice, though)
We dont use a lot of subs, but are pretty flexible about bookings. A sub was brought in while I was out of state for business, and we've played shows without our lead guitarist on one occasion, and without our keys guy on another. In general we're all enthusiastic about the band and want to play.
Touring doesnt seem likely. We all have day jobs. A small vacation/tour type thing might work out every now and then, but I dont see any extensive tours on the horizon.
Our behavior at gigs and after the show is reasonable. Sometimes someone has got to split after a gig, but we all hang out when we can and enjoy a drink or two. Ive known these guys over 10 years, and we all get along well. Now that our drummer doesnt have a wife to report to he seems to hang out more as well.
 
#22
For the last two years, it's been one personal challenge after another in my band. First the guitarists' father died, then the singer's mother in law, then the singers brother, then the drummer's wife is stricken with cancer. Now my mother is seriously ill. We have had basically no time to get together and rehearse, and everybody is financially tight. Our set has grown a little stale as a result, but the bars that employ us LOVE the singer (her voice is huge) and have been very kind. We are all in our 40's and 50's, no drinking or drama, everyone is cool, and the bars appreciate that too. We all feel lucky to be working, and hopefully we can bust out a new set or two this spring!
 
#23
We're pretty lucky. Three of us are old high school friends from too many years ago. One of us is lead guitarist bro-in-law who is a good guy (same HS - two years older). Wives are all good friends and have been for many many years. they come to all the gigs and have a great time together.
 
#24
Initially I didn't think about how important the family element can impact a band.

I had to deal with BL that was always right, thought he was better than everyone else. He treated band members like 3rd class citizen.

The Guy lived in this half million dollar home with a huge in ground pool. He never introduced us to anyone in his family. We rehearsed in the basement and he never invited anyone upstairs
 
#25
bluewine said:
Initially I didn't think about how important the family element can impact a band.

I had to deal with BL that was always right, thought he was better than everyone else. He treated band members like 3rd class citizen.

The Guy lived in this half million dollar home with a huge in ground pool. He never introduced us to anyone in his family. We rehearsed in the basement and he never invited anyone upstairs
Click to expand...

Sometimes keeping that element separate is what is necessary to be professional in demeanor.

I've played with bands where the members were just dreadful people. Talented, sure....but just the kind of person who you have a hard time saying a good thing about them.

In that situation you choose not to intertwine your personal life with it too much or set it so that there's a limited level of involvement.
 
#26
Skarekrough said:
Sometimes keeping that element separate is what is necessary to be professional in demeanor.

I've played with bands where the members were just dreadful people. Talented, sure....but just the kind of person who you have a hard time saying a good thing about them.

In that situation you choose not to intertwine your personal life with it too much or set it so that there's a limited level of involvement.
Click to expand...

With the BL I had to deal with, I would never intwine my personal or musical life with him.
 
#28
- Not too many practices, so that you don't cut too much into family time. -- we go back and forth on this.

- Paying gigs, so that it can help out the family budget. -- again, back and forth

- A deep bench of available subs, so if you need to take a gig off, you can without it being a huge deal. -- original band, no subs, although we can play without the lead guitarist and even without me as a duo.

- Little to no touring. IME, travel for any type of job is hard on a relationship or family. -- Nope we are trying to play regionally.

- Reasonable behavior on the gig and afterwards. -- This is just good business sense, wish I'd see more of it all around.


You also forgot about amount of time spent recording, promoting, etc.
 
#29
My band isn't, but we also don't have families and are basically playing music as a means of income at the moment.

Two rehearsals a week, a gig every weekend, we travel on weird days and can spend a stretch of 4-5 days away from home base, etc...

But for what we are, we are quite conscious of each others' schedules and lives. Our rehearsals are on fixed days, we set travel days at least a month in advance, and we are pretty reasonable with people needing to miss an event if something comes up.
 
#30
Any band I'm in HAS to fit with my family's needs, or it doesn't work for me. My family needs come first, and I make that very clear before I get involved with a project.

Unfortunately, this has caused some issues with other (single, non-parent) band members in the past who couldn't understand my priorities even though I laid them out from the beginning.

For me, weekly rehearsals and once-a-month(ish) gigs is about the level that fits with the schedule of my life. I don't care about making money, and being overly-serious takes away from my primary reason for doing it - fun with friends. My current band situation includes people I've played with in the past, and we're friends outside the band as well.
 
#31
Skarekrough said:
Sometimes keeping that element separate is what is necessary to be professional in demeanor.

I've played with bands where the members were just dreadful people. Talented, sure....but just the kind of person who you have a hard time saying a good thing about them.

In that situation you choose not to intertwine your personal life with it too much or set it so that there's a limited level of involvement.
Click to expand...

With the BL I had to deal with, I would never intwine my personal or musical life with him.
 
#32
I guess for guys like me with no family it's not an issue.

I will watch myself because I can see myself being insensative to other members family issues.

"What do you mean your wife says you can't play the gig" :)
 
#33
Yes and no.

Our act is decidedly family friendly. We do a cover of "Little Lion Man", and our lead singer refuses to drop the F-bomb.

The sisters in the band (we are a trio) live elsewhere from me, so we rehearse about once a month before major gigs.

I have a good-paying corporate-type job, so paying gigs are nice, but not a requirement. I enjoy gigging and hanging out with some of my best friends.

We haven't toured yet, but that might be in the works for later this year.
 
#34
bluewine said:
I guess for guys like me with no family it's not an issue.

I will watch myself because I can see myself being insensative to other members family issues.

"What do you mean your wife says you can't play the gig" :)
Click to expand...

There would have to be a better reason than "my wife says I cant play the gig" for me to find it acceptable. I demand an explanation at the very minimum.
 
#35
I pretty much do most of that in all my bands. My kid is out on his own but my wife appriciates me around just the same.

We also go the extra step to have alternate lyrics for questionable songs; Our singer can make up things on the fly and it is always fun to see him realize the questionable lyric is 3 beats away and he needs to sing the alternate or clean it up somehow.
 
#37
bassman314 said:
Yes and no.

Our act is decidedly family friendly. We do a cover of "Little Lion Man", and our lead singer refuses to drop the F-bomb.

The sisters in the band (we are a trio) live elsewhere from me, so we rehearse about once a month before major gigs.

I have a good-paying corporate-type job, so paying gigs are nice, but not a requirement.
Click to expand...

I also have a good paying corporate job, however I also want to be compensated as a musicians. I don't like being taken advantage of nor do I like hearing about or seeing other musicians being played by club and bar owners.
 
#38
My band is very family friendly. All of the members have full time executive level jobs, families and lives. We gig 1-2 times a month, all local. When we have rehearsals, everyone comes prepared and ready to go so we don't waste time. It's a great situation for me, since I have two young kids at home.
 
#39
Our family friendly aspects are:

- Very little practice. People are expected to work their material out and come ready.

- Maintaining a no play list - if someone has a special family event, we put it on the no play list, and we don't book it.

We're finally working on subs at every position, which takes hassle and pressure out of the equation when the unexpected happens.
Or when someone just wants to slow down.

I wouldn't take on bandmates that didn't have similar work and family situations. Family and non-family people don't mix well in a band.
 
#40
- Not too many practices, so that you don't cut too much into family time.

Once per week was standard, but less lately.

- Paying gigs, so that it can help out the family budget.

Very rarely do we play for no pay. A couple times we intended to, but money was raised to keep us playing, so it kinda worked out.

- A deep bench of available subs, so if you need to take a gig off, you can without it being a huge deal.

If one of us has another obligation (rare), we schedule that day off. Nobody yet has not been made a scheduled gig. Once early on with this band, the drummer (who also sings) had a date he couldn't play, the guitarist (BL) suggested a sub, and was kinda shut down on the spot.

- Little to no touring. IME, travel for any type of job is hard on a relationship or family.

Touring… haaaaahahahaaaaahaha….

- Reasonable behavior on the gig and afterwards.

Fortunately, those who would cause drama by misbehaving, don't.

:)
 

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