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Join Our Band, Bro

#21
dtripoli said:
"We're playing Classic Rock but make it our own"
(We're unable to actually play it as recorded so we've dumbed it down)
Click to expand...

Holy Mary Mother of (insert name of favorite deity here).

DT: your entire original post is, IMO, one of the best posts I have ever seen on TB. I tip my hat to you, good sir!

And the quote I copied above was my favorite from your excellent (and so very accurate) list!

Especially when the lead guitarist says "yeah, I just play my own leads" which of course, when I reach for my handy pocket version of the Bullchit to English dictionary and look it up, translates to "I'm way too lazy to take the time required to actually learn to play the correct notes....that's too much work!" As if he is a much better musician than the original (and very successful) artist. Is it any wonder that all of their songs start to sound the same after a while, and their crowd response is just okay rather than what it could potentially be for a cover band? The light bulb just never seems to go on.

Are you aware that by posting your list, you just described 99% of the "situations" found on Craigslist?

Again, GREAT post DT!
 
#22
SactoBass said:
I reach for my handy pocket version of the Bullchit to English dictionary and look it up, translates to
Click to expand...

OK, I'm stealing that. But it's not AS dishonest because I'm TELLING you I'm stealing it. From this day forth, I will have an invisible/imaginary one of these in my pocket ready to be consulted at a second's notice!
 
#24
By the way OP, great list! The only other thing I have run into a gagillion times is the whole "commitment" speech.

"Dude, we're looking for somebody who can commit. You gotta like leave your girlfriend/wife garbage at like at the door, man. We're going places, brah. We got a lot of work to do so when we call, you like need to get here, man. When the art is flowing we gotta like latch onto it and stuff, right? So, like you need to tell your side gigs that you're like with us now, man. This is serious, like..... seriously."

Give or take a "like" or two....... bro.
 
#25
two fingers said:
OK, I'm stealing that. But it's not AS dishonest because I'm TELLING you I'm stealing it. From this day forth, I will have an invisible/imaginary one of these in my pocket ready to be consulted at a second's notice!
Click to expand...

LOL! Thanks TF. Keeping one of those dictionaries handy is, IMO, the only way to survive on this planet with so many humans. George Carlin, who I admire greatly, knew this all too well.
 
#26
two fingers said:
By the way OP, great list! The only other thing I have run into a gagillion times is the whole "commitment" speech.

"Dude, we're looking for somebody who can commit. You gotta like leave your girlfriend/wife garbage at like at the door, man. We're going places, brah. We got a lot of work to do so when we call, you like need to get here, man. When the art is flowing we gotta like latch onto it and stuff, right? So, like you need to tell your side gigs that you're like with us now, man. This is serious, like..... seriously."

Give or take a "like" or two....... bro.
Click to expand...

Like, you know, it's all like, for the band, bro. Like, we are gonna, like, you know, like, be...like...famous.

Good one, TF!

How about THIS one?...

"Must have image".

Bullchit to English translation:

Must look like a big-hair 80's, leather pants wearin, drugged out lookin, heavily tatooed, total rock star duuuuuuuuuuuuuuude type.
 
#30
This is hilarity. I'm glad that, as kind of a newbie on electric, I've never had to deal with most of these situations. Praise be. :D

Some of this does ring true to my first electric jam session, though. This is how it began:

Him: Dude! You play bass? I play guitar! We should totally jam sometime!
Me: Yeah, sure! Good stuff, man.

How it went down:
Me: Rock on! I'll start out. *Lays down a solid groove in E minor*
Him: *Fingers fly, playing a brilliant blues solo in the wrong key and wrong time*

How it ended:
Me: *Still trying to keep a groove*
Him: *Still trying to solo*
Guy No. 3: Hey guys, what's- WOAH! you play guitar too? Let me show you my chops!
Me: *silently packs up gear*
 
#34
What about this.. "Hey man if ya ever wanna jam , we get together every Saturday night in my cousins garage , you should come jam with us , we're really good man"

Me: sounds great , but I have a gig.
 
#35
I approve of this thread and give it a solid "A". Excellent.

Here's one I have heard more times than I can remember....

"You should come jam with us, we have a GREAT drummer!!!"

Only to find out that the hack jumps time, rushes, drags, plays WAY TOO LOUD, has no groove and reminds me of Animal on Sesame Street........
 
#36
qervo said:
What about this.. "Hey man if ya ever wanna jam , we get together every Saturday night in my cousins garage , you should come jam with us , we're really good man"

Me: sounds great , but I have a gig.
Click to expand...

Touche!

Sounds like the OP's third-listed scenario:

"We have some standards we do but we also Jam"
(Play 12 bar blues in 'E' for 20mins, then in 'A' for 20mins, drink a bunch of beers and repeat)
 
#38
Having flashbacks. So many of them.

Favorite quotes.

"Have major label interest."

We think we know someone who may be from a label was at a showcase we once played. I don't know who they were but they were important and really liked us.

"Progressive *anything*" (or "Technically Skilled")

Translation : We are trying to find a musical cheat code that instantly dries out all female genitals.

"we dress like rock stars and act like rock stars" (yes, for real, saw this one, being the jerk I am I just had to audition and screw with their heads, another story for another time)

Translation : We mostly practice combing our hair and shopping at thrift stores.

The word "Pomo" (Post-Modern) anywhere in any form.

Translation : We can't tell the difference between what we like ironically and what we like. Sincere people need not apply and we can't accept anyone who gives a crap about something as stupid as an audience. Seriously, don't play anything they might enjoy, except ironically. Can't tell if I'm sarcastic anymore.

"working on 2nd (or higher) album"

translation : I am a human migraine/misery machine. Please please please don't know anyone who has worked with me before.

I'm sure I will think of more.
 
#39
JakeF said:
Having flashbacks. So many of them.

Favorite quotes.

"Have major label interest."

We think we know someone who may be from a label was at a showcase we once played. I don't know who they were but they were important and really liked us.

"Progressive *anything*" (or "Technically Skilled")

Translation : We are trying to find a musical cheat code that instantly dries out all female genitals.

"we dress like rock stars and act like rock stars" (yes, for real, saw this one, being the jerk I am I just had to audition and screw with their heads, another story for another time)

Translation : We mostly practice combing our hair and shopping at thrift stores.

The word "Pomo" (Post-Modern) anywhere in any form.

Translation : We can't tell the difference between what we like ironically and what we like. Sincere people need not apply and we can't accept anyone who gives a crap about something as stupid as an audience. Seriously, don't play anything they might enjoy, except ironically. Can't tell if I'm sarcastic anymore.

"working on 2nd (or higher) album"

translation : I am a human migraine/misery machine. Please please please don't know anyone who has worked with me before.

I'm sure I will think of more.
Click to expand...

This thread delivers!
 

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