Join Our Band, Bro

Discussion in 'Bass Humor & Gig Stories [BG]' started by dtripoli, Jan 24, 2013.

  1. dtripoli


    Aug 15, 2010
    Use Caution if You Hear One These Statements

    "We have a home studio"
    (Garage with the car not parked in it)

    "We're playing Classic Rock but make it our own"
    (We're unable to actually play it as recorded so we've dumbed it down)

    "We have some standards we do but we also Jam"
    (Play 12 bar blues in 'E' for 20mins, then in 'A' for 20mins, drink a bunch of beers and repeat)

    "Here are the songs I'd like to possibly do"
    (We don't actually know them and was hoping you could show us)

    "We like to have fun but are serious about our music"
    (One or all of us are perfectionist Divas)

    "Can you sing backup?"
    (None of us can sing worth a damn and hope you can carry the load)

    "Most of our songs are in unusual time signatures"
    (We are totally incapable of holding a 4/4 beat for more than 20 seconds)

    "We have management and gigs lined up!"
    (My girlfriend's brother's step-uncle knows a friend of a friend who knows a guy who worked with Tito Jackson on his solo album in 1982 and can maybe get us a gig)

    "No worries, we have a PA"
    (See that little 15 watt, 8" spkr, Crate Amp in the corner...)

    "We're pretty loose about rehearsal start time"
    (2 hours later...*crickets*)
  2. kcole4001


    Oct 7, 2009
    Nova Scotia
    How about:
    'don't worry man, this stuff doesn't affect my playing at all'
  3. HAHAHA ;)
  4. Hamlet7768

    Hamlet7768 Here to chew gum and rock. Still have gum.

    Jun 5, 2011
    Hey now, it's not my fault the first riff I came up with in a jam situation was in 3/4!
  5. Call me "bro" and I'll never join your band.
  6. Hamlet7768

    Hamlet7768 Here to chew gum and rock. Still have gum.

    Jun 5, 2011
    +2. Bro.
  7. :eyebrow::spit::smug:
  8. Illini10


    May 15, 2012
    Elmwood, IL
    "We already have three guitarists and we don't need a fourth. If you wanna jam with us you have to switch to bass."
  9. ErebusBass


    Feb 20, 2008
    Madison, WI
    Ok brah, you wanna join my band now?
  10. i had someone once tell me after i told him it wasn't my thing, "it's cool, i'll play whatever you want to do!" it took an act of congress to get out of that house!
  11. Combine any random three or four of those and it sounds like every band in L.A.

    However, here you hear things like "We're looking for a dedicated member of the band, we DO NOT want a gun for hire. But you need to learn every song as is on the recording, don't even thing of changing anything. We won't pay you, you'll get paid when the band does" (...rather, never)
  12. not much different in tx, i'm afraid.
  13. 4dog


    Aug 18, 2012
    Cept blooozier.
  14. SirMjac28

    SirMjac28 Patiently Waiting For The Next British Invasion

    Aug 25, 2010
    The Great Midwest
  15. not since pantera.......:meh:

    (disclaimer:i like pantera, just tired of all the local copycats)
  16. Helaskold

    Helaskold 100% Mediocre

    Jul 22, 2012
    Austin, TX
    This one hit close to home... Almost every band I've auditioned (I don't consider it to be them auditioning me anymore, considering) has bragged about all their contacts and the people in the business they know. They are almost always elementary players who know absolutely no one. A lot of my gas has been wasted on people who use the aforementioned statement.
  17. truth.^

  18. THANK YOU!!!!

    These ones aren't common (I would hope not, anyways) but here are some I've been told before:

    "We're kinda like Metallica only better..."

    "I gotta get a band together soon and record a demo, I've got the baddest s**t on the planet and people need to hear it..."

    "I'm thinking we're gonna be kind of a hardcore grindcore sort of band, maybe throw in some Zepplin stuff..."

    That last one, BTW, turned into an At The Drive-In ripoff band...
  19. i played one show in a metal band about 2 yrs ago, and 3 of 4 bands (we were the 4th) dedicated their set to the late guitarist. since he had been deceased for sometime and i doubt these were intimate friends of his, i thought it was actually really tacky and distasteful. it came off as desperate and lame.