You guys are complicating things. It's really pretty simple.
- DON'T use the headstock of your bass to whack the keyboard player in the back of the head, tempting as that may sound
- DO gaff tape or tie-wrap keyboardists left hand around his lap if he just can't resist clashing with the bass lines. DON'T use duct tape - It leaves a residue that might be used against you at your assault trial
- DO fire the drummer.