Kill Joy

[aekisz]

That's the phrase that pops into my head for my current band situation. After not playing for a year (COVID) the remnants of my last band (me and a guitarist) found a drummer and another guitarist to get things going again. Guitarist #1, however, has a bad habit of being very fussy and impatient about other people's musical chops/choices. He is constantly ranting to me about the inadequacies of the others in the band (makes me wonder what he says about me in my absence), even though:

1) We are not a young bunch and have a very limited pool of musicians to choose from who are willing to do interesting (atypical) original music.
2) These other guys have only practiced with us a handful of times so far.
3) We are playing original music that the others have never heard and are in the process of altering certain arrangements on the fly.

To top it all, Guitarist #1 has just shared one of their long rants about the drummer accidentally with the drummer, heavily critiquing his musical acumen. So, it will be interesting to see if he shows up for tomorrow's practice.

Meanwhile he has commenced to critique Guitarist #2 the same way, but so far has not shared these feelings with the target.

I have flaws and limitations too, so I know for sure there is a rant about me posted somewhere.

Is it that hard to understand that it takes time to create and settle on parts to original songs? I mean, one should want to try lots of different things to see what works. That's the process of reaching the final product. Especially for a freaking bunch of amateurs.

In any case, it has hugely dampened my enthusiasm for creating music. I was going to share some new tunes with the band, but now I'm just going to record all the parts on my own and move on. Besides bass, I'm lead singer, lyricist and split the music writing with Guitarist #1 about 50/50. It's enough to make me long for the days of quarantine.

 

[Oddly]

Why not just dump the guy?
You'd surely do better and feel better without that negativity.

 

[LBS-bass]

You pretty much nailed it. People who go behind the backs of others to complain to you are doing that about you, too. I am not too interested in working with someone like this but have encountered plenty of them.

Been dealing with one of these recently and came very close to quitting a band because of it. And yes, this kind of petty drama creation will suck the joy right out of the situation and add untold stress to your life.

In my case I ended up having to put my phone on do not disturb last week because he was texting me nonstop, and the following morning I told the guy to back off from trying to drag me in between himself and the person he was having a conflict with because I don't appreciate the stress and I will walk if it keeps up. He apologized and said he wouldn't do it again but it remains to be seen whether or not he keeps that promise. Since most people appear to lie constantly, I don't have a lot of faith. And even if he stops doing it to me, it's almost assured he will still be doing it about me.

So you are going to have to either decide to put up with this or perhaps have a frank talk with him about how this makes you uncomfortable and what he can expect from you if it does not stop.

 

[RichardW]

In any case, it has hugely dampened my enthusiasm for creating music.

Sounds to me like your enthusiasm for this group of individuals is what has been dampened, and why wouldn't it? That guy sounds like a (fill in the blank). Life is too short to spend your time dealing with (fill in the blank)s.

 

[Joe Nerve]

...chances are you'll go far, if you get in with the right bunch of fellows.

Its not sounding like this is the right bunch of fellows. At least not for creative purposes. I'd keep looking for people I gelled with, while continuing to do my best in the current situation. Sometimes these differences get worked out and magic happens. People have to be able to communicate however, and everybody needs to want to be a team player.

That's my thoughts.

 

[aekisz]

Sounds to me like your enthusiasm for this group of individuals is what has been dampened, and why wouldn't it? That guy sounds like a (fill in the blank). Life is too short to spend your time dealing with (fill in the blank)s.

Yeah. I would do music regardless. This is my last gasp of playing my original music in a band context. I was just looking forward to hearing everybody improve at their own rate (including me) I’m going to have a lot of gear up for sale once this thing fizzles. I see a lot of solo acoustic guitar in my future, and maybe playing bass in a jazz standards combo.

 

[aekisz]

...chances are you'll go far, if you get in with the right bunch of fellows.

Its not sounding like this is the right bunch of fellows. At least not for creative purposes. I'd keep looking for people I gelled with, while continuing to do my best in the current situation. Sometimes these differences get worked out and magic happens. People have to be able to communicate however, and everybody needs to want to be a team player.

That's my thoughts.

Yeah. It seems like a rare thing though, especially for someone with somewhat unusual tastes. The stuff we play is pretty diverse and unconventional. It’s rock-based but… not really bluesy. Semi-prog, if that’s even a thing. Musically the troublemaker is a great and key fit. I thought I was done with bands before this happened. But if it’s not meant to be, so it goes.

 

[aekisz]

Why not just dump the guy?
You'd surely do better and feel better without that negativity.

Musically he’s great to work with. Compatible aesthetics. Quick study. Unique and diverse guitar tones. Interesting and quirky phrasing. Solos that make sense and go some wild places but wrap up neatly. I mean, it’s worth putting up with some shenanigans but I’m feeling pushed.

 

[aekisz]

You pretty much nailed it. People who go behind the backs of others to complain to you are doing that about you, too. I am not too interested in working with someone like this but have encountered plenty of them.

Been dealing with one of these recently and came very close to quitting a band because of it. And yes, this kind of petty drama creation will suck the joy right out of the situation and add untold stress to your life.

In my case I ended up having to put my phone on do not disturb last week because he was texting me nonstop, and the following morning I told the guy to back off from trying to drag me in between himself and the person he was having a conflict with because I don't appreciate the stress and I will walk if it keeps up. He apologized and said he wouldn't do it again but it remains to be seen whether or not he keeps that promise. Since most people appear to lie constantly, I don't have a lot of faith. And even if he stops doing it to me, it's almost assured he will still be doing it about me.

So you are going to have to either decide to put up with this or perhaps have a frank talk with him about how this makes you uncomfortable and what he can expect from you if it does not stop.

Maybe I can put my guy in touch with yours!

 

[LBS-bass]

Maybe I can put my guy in touch with yours!

Haha, now that would be a dream team!

 

[aekisz]

Why not just dump the guy?
You'd surely do better and feel better without that negativity.

Yeah, it might come to that, but it will mean the end of my interest in playing original music with a band, which currently is a big part of my reason to exist.

 

[JoeDaddio]

If they had anything constructive to add to make the music better they'd bring it up during practice. Trash talking behind people's backs is easier, though, I guess. Sounds like a drama time bomb, to me.


joe

 

[gln1955]

I would tell him to either air his grievances in front of the whole band and see who still wants to play with him, or STFU. I have very little tolerance for constant behind the back ranting about other band members.

 

[Killing Floor]

Life is pretty short. Don't spend it with people who are difficult to get along with.
Is this guitarist contributing as much as they are diminishing? Is it a trade off?

 

[Topkat13]

Perhaps consider finding another band or in a constructive, positive and loving way voice your concerns. Don’t worry about my co-pay.

 

[sean_on_bass]

This type of whining tends to irritate me because he is in the band voluntarily. If he doesn't think much of the other musicians then he should just move on to a group that he can respect.

 

[aekisz]

Perhaps consider finding another band or in a constructive, positive and loving way voice your concerns. Don’t worry about my co-pay.

But I haven't been paying my premiums. Hope that's not a problem.

 

[aekisz]

This type of whining tends to irritate me because he is in the band voluntarily. If he doesn't think much of the other musicians then he should just move on to a group that he can respect.

Apparently, he has a history of auditioning a long and endless parade of musician's in a search for the perfect match. He has joined other groups while he has been in this one and quite them.

 

[DJ Bebop]

That's the phrase that pops into my head for my current band situation. After not playing for a year (COVID) the remnants of my last band (me and a guitarist) found a drummer and another guitarist to get things going again. Guitarist #1, however, has a bad habit of being very fussy and impatient about other people's musical chops/choices. He is constantly ranting to me about the inadequacies of the others in the band (makes me wonder what he says about me in my absence), even though:

1) We are not a young bunch and have a very limited pool of musicians to choose from who are willing to do interesting (atypical) original music.
2) These other guys have only practiced with us a handful of times so far.
3) We are playing original music that the others have never heard and are in the process of altering certain arrangements on the fly.

To top it all, Guitarist #1 has just shared one of their long rants about the drummer accidentally with the drummer, heavily critiquing his musical acumen. So, it will be interesting to see if he shows up for tomorrow's practice.

Meanwhile he has commenced to critique Guitarist #2 the same way, but so far has not shared these feelings with the target.

I have flaws and limitations too, so I know for sure there is a rant about me posted somewhere.

Is it that hard to understand that it takes time to create and settle on parts to original songs? I mean, one should want to try lots of different things to see what works. That's the process of reaching the final product. Especially for a freaking bunch of amateurs.

In any case, it has hugely dampened my enthusiasm for creating music. I was going to share some new tunes with the band, but now I'm just going to record all the parts on my own and move on. Besides bass, I'm lead singer, lyricist and split the music writing with Guitarist #1 about 50/50. It's enough to make me long for the days of quarantine.

What do you want to do and what is it you want out of the band?

1) is the band some form of needed income?

If so, suck it up, like you would a job and just do it.

2) Is the band a musical outlet for your writing and he is Lennon to your McCartney?

Let him know how hard it is to keep working with him and his critical nature and how hard it might be to keep folks around to play with.

If none of this applies, dump him and start over.

You're welcome

 

[aekisz]

Life is pretty short. Don't spend it with people who are difficult to get along with.
Is this guitarist contributing as much as they are diminishing? Is it a trade off?

Yeah, I'm getting up there in years so life is even shorter for someone like me. I'm the oldest member of the group by about ten years. I just never expected to have such a burst of creativity at this late a stage (I've written about 300 songs over the last 4 years). Where was it when I was 22 and a position to do something with it?