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Kill Joy

#43
aekisz said:
He’s pretty damn good, which is the problem because otherwise it would be a no brainer of a decision
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Go with number 1!

Look, tell him that the "personal critiques" need to stop. Reviewing things in practice with the band "as a whole" is fine, but don't let it take up too much time or one person talk.

Personally, I think he's greasing the skids to leave.
 
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#45
aekisz said:
It's enough to make me long for the days of quarantine.
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:laugh:

the "binary/all-or-none/zero-sum" advice that you're getting is bull-:poop: stuff --- but, of course: you know that.

being able to communicate openly and honestly takes constant practice/updating because of the tough situations others can put us in --- you just may need to "update" some 'stuff' in order to go another round(s) with your collaborator. it's the way important relationships maintain themselves sometimes. good luck with your newest/next band! :thumbsup:


aekisz said:
I just never expected to have such a burst of creativity at this late a stage
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:jawdrop: :wideyed: why not? it ain't over 'til it's :dead: ! ;) :thumbsup:
 
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#46
aekisz said:
Apparently, he has a history of auditioning a long and endless parade of musician's in a search for the perfect match. He has joined other groups while he has been in this one and quite them.
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This is not how successful relationships are made. People are not jigsaw pieces and there is no perfect fit out there for anyone, let alone 4 or 5 people. Relationships are nurtured and cultivated by sharing similar (not exact) interests and going through common experiences together over time. And most importantly you need to accept each other for your flaws and learn to work around them or with them in some way. (at least to some degree) The guy you are talking about is a cancer though. Nothing good is going to come from people getting trash talked all the time and him harboring such negative thoughts.

Get rid of him or get him a damn good therapist to work through his issues.
 
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#47
Nev375 said:
This is not how successful relationships are made. People are not jigsaw pieces and there is no perfect fit out there for anyone, let alone 4 or 5 people. Relationships are nurtured and cultivated by sharing similar (not exact) interests and going through common experiences together over time. And most importantly you need to accept each other for your flaws and learn to work around them or with them in some way. The guy you are talking about is a cancer though. Nothing good is going to come from people getting trash talked all the time and him harboring such negative thoughts.

Get rid of him or get him a damn good therapist to work through his issues.
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I’m with you 100%. To me availability is sometimes way more important than ability. And ability can improve.

one significant item I might have failed to mention is that Guitarist #1 is in possession of our rehearsal space.

so it’s not a question of moving on without him as a band. For me, it means going solo (or going back to bluegrass and jazz jams with my uprights like I used to before my rock renaissance).

I took a twenty year vacation from the rock thing after going through seven bands in my 20s (everything from country to goth to punk). Some of those bands had characters less talented and with worse personalities than this guy believe it or not.

So this fizzle thing might just happen on its own. The drummer, apparently is not responding to emails or texts
 
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#50
I had a friend like this when I was in film school. Just a constant complainer. In my case the guy was worse and lazier than everyone he complained about.

As others have said, it doesn't sound like he's worth hanging onto. even if he super talented, it won't matter if all he does is create a toxic environment and throw monkey wrenches into the works.

I get that he's the only one left from your old band but it doesn't sound like that's worth hanging onto
 
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#54
aekisz said:
We are, but I have not critiqued his musical ability. I have only praised it. And I have spoken about this issue directly to him multiple times. I’m just reaching out for other opinions on the situation
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IMO you haven’t breached any confidentiality here. I have no idea who this guy is and I’m betting nobody does. It doesn’t correlate to what he’s doing in any way. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for soliciting feedback here.
 
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#57
aekisz said:
We are, but I have not critiqued his musical ability. I have only praised it. And I have spoken about this issue directly to him multiple times. I’m just reaching out for other opinions on the situation
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This is how it should be. I've learned over time that you should only say something about somebody if you would say it to them directly, and if you have already done so. (It's something that I'm constantly improving.)

Better to have an ******* in your face than an ******* behind your back. At least then - when the situation turns poopy - you know who to blame, where they are, when it began, and how to escape.
 
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#60
Yes he's talking about you too. Otoh, if your thing is "we're only all left handed red haired female post-industrial polkacore-ragtime band you're going to ever hear", you have to ask yourself what that is worth living with.
 
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