Kill Joy

[Durham52]

If the new (now resigned) drummer and guitarist#2 are people you think you can work with and they're into the music you write, maybe you need to keep them and dump #1?
You, #2 guitarist and the drummer might form the nucleus of a new band and you look for another guitarist if you need two.

Even if guitarist #1 isn't slagging you of behind your back, (though he probably is) you're suspicious that he is and that will kill the relationship eventually anyway. You might as well make the break now and try and salvage the rest of the band if that seems worth trying.

 

[aekisz]

If the new (now resigned) drummer and guitarist#2 are people you think you can work with and they're into the music you write, maybe you need to keep them and dump #1?
You, #2 guitarist and the drummer might form the nucleus of a new band and you look for another guitarist if you need two.

Even if guitarist #1 isn't slagging you of behind your back, (though he probably is) you're suspicious that he is and that will kill the relationship eventually anyway. You might as well make the break now and try and salvage the rest of the band if that seems worth trying.

That scenario is a distinct possibility. #2 certainly has chops and tone. He’s coming from a Who tribute band so his instincts tends toward vintage licks but he’s show signs of wider influences as well. I’m not sure this drummer is salvageable though. In quitting he said our (my) music is too complicated. Though, I was actually about to introduce a couple of simpler tunes before this all happened.

in any case, practice is canceled

 

[GreyBeard]

Sounds like he is a very negative force in your band. Replace him

 

[dbsfgyd1]

That's the phrase that pops into my head for my current band situation. After not playing for a year (COVID) the remnants of my last band (me and a guitarist) found a drummer and another guitarist to get things going again. Guitarist #1, however, has a bad habit of being very fussy and impatient about other people's musical chops/choices. He is constantly ranting to me about the inadequacies of the others in the band (makes me wonder what he says about me in my absence), even though:

1) We are not a young bunch and have a very limited pool of musicians to choose from who are willing to do interesting (atypical) original music.
2) These other guys have only practiced with us a handful of times so far.
3) We are playing original music that the others have never heard and are in the process of altering certain arrangements on the fly.

To top it all, Guitarist #1 has just shared one of their long rants about the drummer accidentally with the drummer, heavily critiquing his musical acumen. So, it will be interesting to see if he shows up for tomorrow's practice.

Meanwhile he has commenced to critique Guitarist #2 the same way, but so far has not shared these feelings with the target.

I have flaws and limitations too, so I know for sure there is a rant about me posted somewhere.

Is it that hard to understand that it takes time to create and settle on parts to original songs? I mean, one should want to try lots of different things to see what works. That's the process of reaching the final product. Especially for a freaking bunch of amateurs.

In any case, it has hugely dampened my enthusiasm for creating music. I was going to share some new tunes with the band, but now I'm just going to record all the parts on my own and move on. Besides bass, I'm lead singer, lyricist and split the music writing with Guitarist #1 about 50/50. It's enough to make me long for the days of quarantine.

Egads, life is way too short for this kind of crap sandwich. Just because you have some talent it doesn’t give one the right to be a jerk.

I’m assuming you are recording and not gigging? If are not recording you should be even if it is just a digital pocket recorder recording each session Those recordings should be reviewed and studied. It just may be that somebody isn’t as good as he thinks. I’m a firm be,I ever that a recording is better than a thousand words.

As for ranting people, I Just say. “Sorry, I don’t have time for this kind of behavior.
it’s not productive, and I’m not going to let you waste my time. When you calm down, let’s talk.” Pack up and leave.

 

[El_Charro]

That's the phrase that pops into my head for my current band situation. After not playing for a year (COVID) the remnants of my last band (me and a guitarist) found a drummer and another guitarist to get things going again. Guitarist #1, however, has a bad habit of being very fussy and impatient about other people's musical chops/choices. He is constantly ranting to me about the inadequacies of the others in the band (makes me wonder what he says about me in my absence), even though:

1) We are not a young bunch and have a very limited pool of musicians to choose from who are willing to do interesting (atypical) original music.
2) These other guys have only practiced with us a handful of times so far.
3) We are playing original music that the others have never heard and are in the process of altering certain arrangements on the fly.

To top it all, Guitarist #1 has just shared one of their long rants about the drummer accidentally with the drummer, heavily critiquing his musical acumen. So, it will be interesting to see if he shows up for tomorrow's practice.

Meanwhile he has commenced to critique Guitarist #2 the same way, but so far has not shared these feelings with the target.

I have flaws and limitations too, so I know for sure there is a rant about me posted somewhere.

Is it that hard to understand that it takes time to create and settle on parts to original songs? I mean, one should want to try lots of different things to see what works. That's the process of reaching the final product. Especially for a freaking bunch of amateurs.

In any case, it has hugely dampened my enthusiasm for creating music. I was going to share some new tunes with the band, but now I'm just going to record all the parts on my own and move on. Besides bass, I'm lead singer, lyricist and split the music writing with Guitarist #1 about 50/50. It's enough to make me long for the days of quarantine.

————
Ugh man…No one needs that kind of drama…

Hope things get better for you…Sadly my mind went straight to Walk by Pantera:

“Run your mouth when I'm not around, it's easy to achieve
You cry to weak friends that sympathize
Can you hear the violins playing your song?
Those same friends tell me your every word”

Thanks! \m/

 

[Real Soon]

Sounds awful. I'd be miserable, and I have the feeling that if you're not miserable yet, you're riding the mower toward a ditch of misery with these chaps. And you deserve better.

Also, sounds to me like you've got a wellspring of creative material that, if you harness modern communications & music tech, could be shared with or outright sold to musicians in other areas. Original songwriting credits on other people's projects is a fun and interesting way to potentially get your name as a creator on stuff that a lot of people hear well outside of what you'd expect to be your demographic. And also can turn into royalty checks that can pad the ol' 401(k) quite nicely.

 

[NOVAX]

Fire him and the drummer. Hire the drummer back. Problem solved.

 

[alaskaleftybass]

Yeah, I'm getting up there in years so life is even shorter for someone like me. I'm the oldest member of the group by about ten years. I just never expected to have such a burst of creativity at this late a stage (I've written about 300 songs over the last 4 years). Where was it when I was 22 and a position to do something with it?

With all those songs it sounds like you should learn how to record them and have guests join you in a homemade studio. If the album of your 12 choicest songs turns out well, then you can pick and choose your members. Put yourself in charge.

Like you said life is short--too short to work with a prima donna guitarist. Put adds up in music stores, look on FB or CL. But learn how to mix your own songs on the computer and a mixer. You might be pleasantly surprised. Good luck.

 

[obimark]

That's the phrase that pops into my head for my current band situation. After not playing for a year (COVID) the remnants of my last band (me and a guitarist) found a drummer and another guitarist to get things going again. Guitarist #1, however, has a bad habit of being very fussy and impatient about other people's musical chops/choices. He is constantly ranting to me about the inadequacies of the others in the band (makes me wonder what he says about me in my absence), even though:

1) We are not a young bunch and have a very limited pool of musicians to choose from who are willing to do interesting (atypical) original music.
2) These other guys have only practiced with us a handful of times so far.
3) We are playing original music that the others have never heard and are in the process of altering certain arrangements on the fly.

To top it all, Guitarist #1 has just shared one of their long rants about the drummer accidentally with the drummer, heavily critiquing his musical acumen. So, it will be interesting to see if he shows up for tomorrow's practice.

Meanwhile he has commenced to critique Guitarist #2 the same way, but so far has not shared these feelings with the target.

I have flaws and limitations too, so I know for sure there is a rant about me posted somewhere.

Is it that hard to understand that it takes time to create and settle on parts to original songs? I mean, one should want to try lots of different things to see what works. That's the process of reaching the final product. Especially for a freaking bunch of amateurs.

In any case, it has hugely dampened my enthusiasm for creating music. I was going to share some new tunes with the band, but now I'm just going to record all the parts on my own and move on. Besides bass, I'm lead singer, lyricist and split the music writing with Guitarist #1 about 50/50. It's enough to make me long for the days of quarantine.

It amazes me how many people put up with bs for these "fun" going nowhere originals bands. It doesnt sound fun to me.

 

[QORC]

It amazes me how many people put up with bs for these "fun" going nowhere originals bands. It doesnt sound fun to me.

exactly

 

[Bonecat]

No one is responsible for your happiness but you. Either remove the toxic individual from the situation or remove yourself. This sort of middle school psychodrama is just too disruptive and divisive to be tolerated.

 

[buldog5151bass]

@aekisz Why not have a sit down with the guitarist? Don't do it at a rehearsal - ask to meet the guy over a cup of coffee or mug of beer, and tell him exactly what you told us- that musically you love the mesh, but the negativity is uncalled for, and enough for you to want to leave? He may just be a bigmouth that doesn't realize he's not 12.

No on says you have to be buddies, but it's not too much to expect everyone to be courteous and professional.

 

[punchdrunk]

Just point blank tell the guy to can it. There’s nothing complicated about a direct reproof, and it’s often quite effective. We are all flawed musicians, and only 15 year olds (or those with similar mindsets) think they’re God’s gift.

 

[aekisz]

Egads, life is way too short for this kind of crap sandwich. Just because you have some talent it doesn’t give one the right to be a jerk.

I’m assuming you are recording and not gigging? If are not recording you should be even if it is just a digital pocket recorder recording each session Those recordings should be reviewed and studied. It just may be that somebody isn’t as good as he thinks. I’m a firm be,I ever that a recording is better than a thousand words.

As for ranting people, I Just say. “Sorry, I don’t have time for this kind of behavior.
it’s not productive, and I’m not going to let you waste my time. When you calm down, let’s talk.” Pack up and leave.

Yeah, we had been recording into Logic Pro, mic’ed guitar amps, direct bass, full mics on drums so we could review everything. We had been building a set list and were up to six passable tunes. There were signs of steady progress so I don’t know why the rant had to happen. we were all in that room. We all could hear the tapes. A couple more weeks and we would have had a full set.

So this might be it. I’m going to let the dust settle til I can see more clearly.

 

[aekisz]

Sounds awful. I'd be miserable, and I have the feeling that if you're not miserable yet, you're riding the mower toward a ditch of misery with these chaps. And you deserve better.

Also, sounds to me like you've got a wellspring of creative material that, if you harness modern communications & music tech, could be shared with or outright sold to musicians in other areas. Original songwriting credits on other people's projects is a fun and interesting way to potentially get your name as a creator on stuff that a lot of people hear well outside of what you'd expect to be your demographic. And also can turn into royalty checks that can pad the ol' 401(k) quite nicely.

Yeah, I’m miserable. I had really thought things were starting to gel with this group. But it has cured my pedal GAS at least temporarily.

But I’m continuing to record my own demos with guitar parts and vocal harmonies, including stuff that would not fit this band. I’m not worried about making money. I have a good day job. I just want to create.

 

[aekisz]

With all those songs it sounds like you should learn how to record them and have guests join you in a homemade studio. If the album of your 12 choicest songs turns out well, then you can pick and choose your members. Put yourself in charge.

Like you said life is short--too short to work with a prima donna guitarist. Put adds up in music stores, look on FB or CL. But learn how to mix your own songs on the computer and a mixer. You might be pleasantly surprised. Good luck.

Yeah, I’ve been doing that over the last couple months. I’ve got about nine songs recorded in full so far, just bass, guitar and drums. They could use some keys and a real guitarist but at least I have that going.

 

[aekisz]

It amazes me how many people put up with bs for these "fun" going nowhere originals bands. It doesnt sound fun to me.

Yeah, but I’ve had similar things happen in my cover bands. It’s the people,not the music.

 

[lfmn16]

makes me wonder what he says about me in my absence

The same or worse. I don't know how you can create great music in a toxic environment.

 

[lfmn16]

Yeah, but I’ve had similar things happen in my cover bands. It’s the people,not the music.

+1

I had a cover band where I had to part ways with a drummer. He was a good, solid drummer; always on time for gigs; provided the PA, but he was a complete Richard Cranium to work with. He would argue about everything. If you said the sun set in the West, he'd say, no because if you were on the other side of the world, it was actually rising. A complete contrarian.

 

[QORC]

The same or worse. I don't know how you can create great music in a toxic environment.

Fleetwood Mac managed to !! "Rumours" was created during a time they could barely deal with each other

but I get it. for most of us, this is a hobby. fun. when it becomes toxic, "fun" goes out the window