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Know it all "I was almost famous" singer? How to endure.

S

scorpionldr

Dec 10, 2002
2,613
74
Dirty Jersey, USA
#1
So I'm sure a few of you have seen me rant a bit at least about my band. I'm wondering, how do you handle the singer who thinks gold perpetually flows from his piehole?

Things have gotten decent. We have material, it's tight, we have a routine. That being said, our singer regards himself as an expert in bands because he was in a band that was "borderline signed into mainstream". However, The words "trust me, I know how these things work" come out any time I bring up say, band names, venues to play, promoting ... you know, stuff that says more than "I have in a band, we play in the basement". But I'm getting the impression I'm some sort of imbecile over my tastes (which I vocalize) rather than my suggestions.

While this project is "only" 9 months old, I think we could've gotten there in 6. I kind of learned to just "go with the flow" and let a lot of things slide, but aside from rough generalizations of how things will progress "when we're ready" it makes me wonder. Like we set out to write "catchy" material, but tho I'm involved, I see it as too complex for our own good.

The drummer I've worked with sees it similarly, but he (living closer to the singer) generally views it as this guy talks way too much hype to remember even what he's saying, so he just lets him run himself out of steam to reach an end (and silence, via Facebook chat or in person works effectively. ).

So this is enough drivel for one session; anybody ever had to handle the anti-progress full of himself singer? Getting kind of sick of the "eternal caution of the clueless band" act here ...
 
#4
That kind of person is to me insufferable and poisons rooms they are in. Sooner or later either something will explode or someone will leave the group. It's not happened in music situations so far but I've met a few know-it-alls at work, and it can be a real problem when they are your customers.

I just bite my tongue and let people make fools of themselves and when I've had enough I stop being around them if I can. Kind of a coward way of dealing with it maybe, but I don't feel like taking on any kind of fight. Find individuals you enjoy working with, life's too short to waste on people problems.
 
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#5
I haven't had that problem with a singer but did work with a drummer who once toured for 5 years with a very famous band. He has gold and platinum albums on the walls of his house. Whenever anybody brought up an idea that was different than the drummer's he would always say "I played with ____. ( I don't want to mention the band). I finally said "That's great and now you are playing with us". We eventually fired him.
 
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#6
FretNoMore said:
That kind of person is to me insufferable and poisons rooms they are in. Sooner or later either something will explode or someone will leave the group. It's not happened in music situations so far but I've met a few know-it-alls at work, and it can be a real problem when they are your customers.

I just bite my tongue and let people make fools of themselves and when I've had enough I stop being around them if I can. Kind of a coward way of dealing with it maybe, but I don't feel like taking on any kind of fight. Find individuals you enjoy working with, life's too short to waste on people problems.
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I'm waiting for the band to run itself into a wall and for the guy to admit he has no clue. At this stage of my career I would see it as win/win for everybody. The smartest guy is likely the guitarist who doesn't really even talk.

I'm ok with genre "elitism", that's great, it's an opinion. But when we reach the point when we don't make decisions in advance (name, promotion, fan page, recordings[THAT WE HAVE PLENTY OF]), or get beyond trivial debates on "good" presentation, there's a time to be a participant and a time to be a jerk, and it's time to question credibility by displaying said expert's ability to answer questions.

lowfreq33 said:
So he had a shot at the brass ring and they blew it? That's what "almost" means.


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Yup, almost. I feel like telling him "well you're sucking it in life now, despite everyone yes'ing you to death", but luckily we do have good practices..

Downunderwonder said:
Make him buy his own mic, cable and stand before giving out any more pro tips.
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Yea, he's got his own PA. Definitely has at least that in order.
 
#11
I've run into this in several bands. You have to be firm. "Your previous experience doesn't mean you know anything I don't. We will work together as equals." Say it loud, say it proud, repeat as often as necessary. You're going to have to learn to be assertive with people who are not used to dealing well with authority. That means knowing when to push, and when to pull back. I find you have to make very sure people know you are not going to bend on certain things, and that you will on others. The whole "trust me, I know..." thing just doesn't wash with me. Either everybody is equal, or they're not. Time to get all the cards on the table.
 
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#12
Had a similar experience with a guitarist. He was good, admittedly. But, a little humbleness goes a LONG way in my book.
Ok, you play well. Why can't you pay rent and you live like a hermit!

You're "GREATNESS" is getting in the way of your, "PROGRESS".

G'head, keep thinking you're some guitar god and you'll end up with nothing to show for it and a lot of failed ventures.

Be humble. Support each other. Basically.............don't be a DICK!!!! Hard to do with a bunch of creative people in a room I guess. I guess that's why I'm doing my own thing at the moment.
 
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#13
Had a singer who wanted you join our project, but didn't want to "waste time auditioning" if he didn't know it was a for sure thing. So he never auditioned and never got the spot. He's looking for musicians to join his project now. No music, just vocals....

If your guy is calling all the shots, then who's fault will it be when things go nowhere, or blow up altogether? His? Not in his eyes... Either keep saying "Yes, Sir!" or move on. People like that rarely change.

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt."
-Abraham Lincoln
 
#14
Sounds to me like the singer has an inflated ego.
Just play to his ego and remind him every chance you get how wonderful his voice is and what a fantastic stage presence he has and how he could easily step into a real limelight role if he should decide to move on, cause it probably isn't gonna happen in this band.
After a few weeks of pumping him up steer him in the direction of other bands that are looking for a singer. If he moves on so be it. If he stays and continues to spew his trash just tell him to STFU, he had a chance to move on but instead chose to stay, he's just another member of the band at this point with no more say than anyone else.
 
#15
GBassNorth said:
Sounds to me like the singer has an inflated ego.
Just play to his ego and remind him every chance you get how wonderful his voice is and what a fantastic stage presence he has and how he could easily step into a real limelight role if he should decide to move on, cause it probably isn't gonna happen in this band.
After a few weeks of pumping him up steer him in the direction of other bands that are looking for a singer. If he moves on so be it. If he stays and continues to spew his trash just tell him to STFU, he had a chance to move on but instead chose to stay, he's just another member of the band at this point with no more say than anyone else.
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Yea, I hear you. I think it's some variant of illusory superiority; because he's doing whatever, he thinks he's doing things "better". It's been so common (the need for the last word) that it might be that, poor social skills, or both.

Despite it being annoying I don't think it's intentional as it is habitual (especially when I've gotten good at hiding feelings to essentially leave him clueless to the point his personality is a little grating).
 
#16
It's a cliche (apologies), but there's no 'I' in 'team'. The industry is a harder game than ever today (Make a living off Spotify streams? Suuuure) without someone living delusionally in yesteryear's glories. Trying - and failing - to grab the brass hole doesn't necessarily disqualify an opinion on same from being valid or relevant...but following the same program that kept your grip from locking on it does.
 
#17
Back when I was younger, I'd run into similar situations and my standard reply back then was "Well, what good has that done you? You're playing the same gig as me." Nowadays, I'm much gentler.

The truth is that there's lots of BS in the music business, and don't be surprised if your singer is also full of it.
 
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#20
A drummer friend told me the other day..."selfish people tend to be selfish players". It really bugs me when a member of a band is more interested in himself than he is in the band as a whole.
 

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