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Law enforcement confessions

Discussion in 'Off Topic [BG]' started by cheezewiz, Feb 27, 2014.

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  1. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz Supporting Member

    Mar 27, 2002
    Most of you know I was a cop for 27 years. Since Ive now retired, I feel ready to bare my soul. I will confess my sins, here and now. Cop haters, jump on man. I deserve it.

    1. I have used my lights and siren when I had to poop really bad.

    2. If a girl exposed cleavage trying to get out of a ticket, I looked at her funbags, and then proceded with either the ticket or warning.

    3. I got free coffee from convenience stores who were open all night, but always left a tip that was at least the amount the coffee would coast.

    4. I laughed at citizens, sometimes right to their face, when they were being dumbasses.

    5. When a citizen told me he/she paid my salary, I usually ignored it, but sometimes responded with, (a) "They dont take City tax out of welfare checks", b) " then give me a raise you cheap bastard".

    6. When a drunk and stupid citizen said "I'll have your badge!", I responded " If you can have it, I don't want it"

    I will think of more in a little bit.
  2. tastybasslines

    tastybasslines Banned

    May 9, 2010
    Los Angeles, CA
    Ever been offered a blowjob to escape a ticket?
  3. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz Supporting Member

    Mar 27, 2002
    Implied, not directly offered, which I declined, because no bj is worth my pension.
  4. BassyBill

    BassyBill The smooth moderator... Gold Supporting Member

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Midlands UK
    You must have a really GREAT pension.
  5. Thor

    Thor Moderator Staff Member Gold Supporting Member

    I'm proud of you, I expected no less!

    Now that you're retired, can't you borrow the car, turn on the lights and get the offers without impacting your check? The regular on duty guy needs a break sometime, right?
  6. Almost spat my Tim Hortons coffee out my nose on that one:D
  7. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz Supporting Member

    Mar 27, 2002
    I filled up my buddy's cruiser vents with pepper spray. I put a rotting dead possum in a particularly stupid supervisor's trunk. I was insobordinate on numerous occasions.
  8. nortonrider


    Nov 20, 2007
    Now that you don't work there anymore, maybe you can answer a question for me.....
    Whatever happened to "Protect and Serve"?
    Today it just seems that cops want to "bust" everyone.
  9. hdracer


    Feb 15, 2009
    Elk River, MN.
    That darn cop that parked his squad in the middle of the road to stop traffic while he attended to me laying in the middle of the road after being hit by a car on my bike and waiting for the paramedics that he called to get there just wanted to bust the drunk that ran over me.......
  10. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz Supporting Member

    Mar 27, 2002
    Ive been out about 2 yrs. Norton. The thing you mention is the main reason I retired. A new chief came in and started to stress" numbers". There was constant pressure to make more "contacts" which I viewed as harassment if someone is just walking down the street. There was an increased focus on arrest numbers. I didnt do numbers. When someone deserved a ticket or arrested, I was all for it, but I refused to create numbers. I was a relic, and it was time to go. Having said that, almost all the guys and gals I worked with were good people. A few are misguided.

    I think the main problem in law enforcement is the personality type the job can draw. The " problem" officers are 1of 2 types. The overbuff over testosteroned meatheads, and the guy who got his butt kicked all through high school and sees the job as the way to get power and play "catch up". MOST officers hate these types more than powderfinger does.
  11. AND!!!...well you know how it goes
  12. nukes_da_bass

    nukes_da_bass Banned

    Feb 19, 2006
    west suburban boston
    BJ is worth $100. Pensions are worth far more.
  13. hdracer


    Feb 15, 2009
    Elk River, MN.
    I have had my life saved by a cop and I have had my butt kicked and head split open from a 6 cell maglite by a cop.......

    Not the same one
  14. nortonrider


    Nov 20, 2007
    I've actually heard that term "relic" a few times. A friend retired last year as Chief of a major metropolitan police force.
    He has used the reference.

    Another friend if now a Lt., put in a lot of time to get there and is just riding out his days until he can leave.

    There is definitely a new breed of cop on the streets today.
  15. Stinsok

    Stinsok Supporting Member

    Dec 16, 2002
    Central Alabama
    Funny, there have been times when I had to poop real bad when I was close to a cop with the lights and siren on!
  16. Unrepresented

    Unrepresented Something Borderline Offensive

    Jul 1, 2006
    San Diego, CA
    I wouldn't want to spend my days working with people having the worst moments of their lives. It must be a punishing job on those who care about others.
  17. cheezewiz

    cheezewiz Supporting Member

    Mar 27, 2002
    Un...that was HUGE. No matter what the circumstances, almost everyone you saw was at their worst. Victim, criminal, just pissed off, or under the influence. It makes you bitter and a bit paranoid. Since I retired, I worked first in mental health, and now as an investigator for the County Board of Developmental Disabilities. I have to say, I LOVE being a "regular guy" now.
  18. bluesblaster


    Jan 2, 2008
    that first one was pretty funny, there were times when I wished I had a siren and lights for the same reason.
  19. Jeff Roller

    Jeff Roller Jeff Roller Gold Supporting Member

    Dec 24, 2007
    Maryville, TN
    Do you have any "regret" stories?

    Like you wish you had let someone go if you felt sorry for them, or you wish you had NOT let so and so off because you took pity and later they did something worse?

    I couldn't do what you did for a living, kudos to you and thanks for your service.
  20. Bloodhammer

    Bloodhammer Twinkle Twinkle Black Star

    Jul 7, 2009
    Shreveport, Louisiana

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