Phew , time for a commercial , fasten your seat-belts lolly-lickers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9nZg7kFHqo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9nZg7kFHqo
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lead singer is addicted to karaoke...
- Thread starter powderfinger
- Start date
SO I made the huge mistake last night of having cousin Google "Jennifer Ordalen". The nut spent all of last night in the mirror singing Mustang Sally in the sytle of Roy Orbison. I asked him what the hell he's doing that for. He said he's headed to the Twin Cities on a pizza parlor karaoke tour. I told him the chances of Steve Cropper being at the same pizza parlor was very slim... slim to none, actually. He insisted that fate decrees now that he will be found in a pizza parlor, if not by Cropper, than by another famous musician or talent scout. So cousin is now on a Greyhound bus headed north. He is brining his web-cam and laptop to record his performances, so Ill keep you all posted.
Cousin just me this from his Ipad...
"Cousin, I appreciate your love and support over the past few years, as I have pursued by dream of becoming a professional singer. We've had good times, and we've had bad times, but I will chose to only remember the good when I become famous. I want to make sure that you don't ask me to borrow money when I start making records.. you know, be neither a borrower or a lender and all that good stuff. Also, we will still hang out, but when I am famous, I will not be able to hang out with you as much, and we will not be able to go to the old karaoke dives. I don't want to get mobbed by fans, ya know?
Cousin, I just know this is my big break. Granny Pearl came to me in a dream on the bus early this morning when I was snoozing. She told me that I will indeed become bigger than life, and top the country and pop charts one day. She told me she always knew of the two of us, that I was the more talented, but know she loves you too.
I will send you a video feed ASAP. Love you man."
"Cousin, I appreciate your love and support over the past few years, as I have pursued by dream of becoming a professional singer. We've had good times, and we've had bad times, but I will chose to only remember the good when I become famous. I want to make sure that you don't ask me to borrow money when I start making records.. you know, be neither a borrower or a lender and all that good stuff. Also, we will still hang out, but when I am famous, I will not be able to hang out with you as much, and we will not be able to go to the old karaoke dives. I don't want to get mobbed by fans, ya know?
Cousin, I just know this is my big break. Granny Pearl came to me in a dream on the bus early this morning when I was snoozing. She told me that I will indeed become bigger than life, and top the country and pop charts one day. She told me she always knew of the two of us, that I was the more talented, but know she loves you too.
I will send you a video feed ASAP. Love you man."
When we met, he said he was going to audition and make it big on The Voice. Anything more on that?
So by the time cousin made it up North, the pizza parlor he was going to do karaoke at had closed. So he hitched a ride back home. On the bus back to the Queen City he met a guy who played drums and his brother. They were on the way from Detroit looking for a band. The drummer, Marcus, and the guitarist Todd, were HUGE.... KISS fans. And by huge, I mean, not only did they love the music of KISS, both exceeded 400 lbs.
And another thing I never mentioned about cousin. He is a KISS fanatic as well. When we were teens, we went to a couple conventions, and cousin loved all things KISS... even that KISS Meets the Phantom and the Elder crap.
So anyhow, cousin told these guys if they were down, and they were, that he's interested in doing a KISS tribute band. He told them that he has a bass player already (i.e. me). And having a soft spot in my heart for KISS from back in the day, I humored cousin, as I am happy to see him actually wanting to do the band thing.
My elation was short-lived, however...
First practice, cousin tells us that he will sing all of Gene's songs, Paul's songs, Ace's songs, and Peter's songs. I asked him if I could sing "Little Casesar" by Eric Carr, and he said "no", that he would be full lead vocalist. He also said he will also wear the make up of all 4 original members. He has a star around one eye, the space man star on his forhead, the cat whiskers on his cheeks, and the demon make up on his other eye.
Also, we are to use karaoke tracks. I was very opposed to this. Apparently cousin expected us to hold our instruments and pretend to play while he actually sings. Myself, Todd, and Marcus are not allowed to wear make up... not even the Fox or Wiz make up.
I went along with this, bc cousin scored us a gig at a college frat party, and it was gonna be big bucks.
So we get to the gig. They have a stage with a curtain set up. Marcus is on the drums (in street clothes), I am on the bass (in street clothes), and Todd is on guitar (in street clothes). Cousin is getting his mic set up. To start the show, our cousin Bruce, who is Japanese went in front of the curtain, and announced... "you wanted the best... you GOT the best".... and we broke into "Strutter" as the curtain came up.
The guys and gals in the crowd were amused at first, giggling and whispering amongst themselves. When we were done, the head frat dude gets up onstage, laughs and says into the mic, "ok guys.. that was great...joke's on us... now bring on the real band". Cousin gave him the evil eye, and counted off "1... 2.... 3... 4".... all of a sudden, the opening notes to "Cold Gin" begin blasting from the now crackling PA speakers. The frat guy, looking genuinely confused, stepped to the side of the stage, and stood there like Ed Sullivan, staring at us... baffled at first, then piping hot mad.
After the song, the crowd began booing. Cousin ignored them, stepped to the mic, and said, "WE ARE KISS... I am Gene, Peter, Paul, and Ace.. on drums we have Eric Singer... on guitar... Vinnie Vincent, and on bass.... Tommy Thayer!!!". I was so pissed at this point, but before I had time to process the fact that Tommy never played bass, "Beth" came on the PA.... Cousin covers the mic, looks at me, Todd, and Marcus, and says, "GET THE HELL OFF THE STAGE". Bruce dimmed the lights and brought cousin a stool out. He then began to sing "Beth"... fair to middlin'....
The crowd barely reacted, besides a couple rounds of boos... they simply began walking out. Usually these kinds of shenanigans result in cousin fighting the crowd and such. Nah, they just walked out. Hell, THEY hadn't paid any money for this... just the head frat boy. I told the frat boy I would make damn sure he got reimbursed for this, and that I was sorry for this. I knew better.. dammit, I did... but I did it for my cousin.
Anyhow... as the crowd was leaving... cousin called the crowd back. "GET BACK IN HERE YOU SPOILED RICH KIDS AND LET'S ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE AND PARTY EVERY DAY". The kids obviously having nothing better to do went back to the front of the stage, a few of them ready to fight if cousin kept running his mouth. "Rock n Roll All Nite" then began pumping out of the PA... however, right as the speaker blew (caught fire even), cousin bit into a blood packet and spit all over the front row. Between the fire, the blood, and then loud music, a couple sorority girls got a bit wild (and they were drunk), took their shirts off and began dancing all over cousin, while he wagged his "bleeding" tongue at the crowd. The enitre crowd was singing loudly along with us now, and really getting into the show... til the curtains caught fire.
The frat house was old. Old and it has been a drought, so very dry. The house went up in flames immediately. Everyone began hauling ass out the front door. We made it to the van, right before the ceiling beams began caving in. No one was hurt, but the house was burned to the ground. We headed back home with 5000.00 bucks.
And another thing I never mentioned about cousin. He is a KISS fanatic as well. When we were teens, we went to a couple conventions, and cousin loved all things KISS... even that KISS Meets the Phantom and the Elder crap.
So anyhow, cousin told these guys if they were down, and they were, that he's interested in doing a KISS tribute band. He told them that he has a bass player already (i.e. me). And having a soft spot in my heart for KISS from back in the day, I humored cousin, as I am happy to see him actually wanting to do the band thing.
My elation was short-lived, however...
First practice, cousin tells us that he will sing all of Gene's songs, Paul's songs, Ace's songs, and Peter's songs. I asked him if I could sing "Little Casesar" by Eric Carr, and he said "no", that he would be full lead vocalist. He also said he will also wear the make up of all 4 original members. He has a star around one eye, the space man star on his forhead, the cat whiskers on his cheeks, and the demon make up on his other eye.
Also, we are to use karaoke tracks. I was very opposed to this. Apparently cousin expected us to hold our instruments and pretend to play while he actually sings. Myself, Todd, and Marcus are not allowed to wear make up... not even the Fox or Wiz make up.
I went along with this, bc cousin scored us a gig at a college frat party, and it was gonna be big bucks.
So we get to the gig. They have a stage with a curtain set up. Marcus is on the drums (in street clothes), I am on the bass (in street clothes), and Todd is on guitar (in street clothes). Cousin is getting his mic set up. To start the show, our cousin Bruce, who is Japanese went in front of the curtain, and announced... "you wanted the best... you GOT the best".... and we broke into "Strutter" as the curtain came up.
The guys and gals in the crowd were amused at first, giggling and whispering amongst themselves. When we were done, the head frat dude gets up onstage, laughs and says into the mic, "ok guys.. that was great...joke's on us... now bring on the real band". Cousin gave him the evil eye, and counted off "1... 2.... 3... 4".... all of a sudden, the opening notes to "Cold Gin" begin blasting from the now crackling PA speakers. The frat guy, looking genuinely confused, stepped to the side of the stage, and stood there like Ed Sullivan, staring at us... baffled at first, then piping hot mad.
After the song, the crowd began booing. Cousin ignored them, stepped to the mic, and said, "WE ARE KISS... I am Gene, Peter, Paul, and Ace.. on drums we have Eric Singer... on guitar... Vinnie Vincent, and on bass.... Tommy Thayer!!!". I was so pissed at this point, but before I had time to process the fact that Tommy never played bass, "Beth" came on the PA.... Cousin covers the mic, looks at me, Todd, and Marcus, and says, "GET THE HELL OFF THE STAGE". Bruce dimmed the lights and brought cousin a stool out. He then began to sing "Beth"... fair to middlin'....
The crowd barely reacted, besides a couple rounds of boos... they simply began walking out. Usually these kinds of shenanigans result in cousin fighting the crowd and such. Nah, they just walked out. Hell, THEY hadn't paid any money for this... just the head frat boy. I told the frat boy I would make damn sure he got reimbursed for this, and that I was sorry for this. I knew better.. dammit, I did... but I did it for my cousin.
Anyhow... as the crowd was leaving... cousin called the crowd back. "GET BACK IN HERE YOU SPOILED RICH KIDS AND LET'S ROCK AND ROLL ALL NITE AND PARTY EVERY DAY". The kids obviously having nothing better to do went back to the front of the stage, a few of them ready to fight if cousin kept running his mouth. "Rock n Roll All Nite" then began pumping out of the PA... however, right as the speaker blew (caught fire even), cousin bit into a blood packet and spit all over the front row. Between the fire, the blood, and then loud music, a couple sorority girls got a bit wild (and they were drunk), took their shirts off and began dancing all over cousin, while he wagged his "bleeding" tongue at the crowd. The enitre crowd was singing loudly along with us now, and really getting into the show... til the curtains caught fire.
The frat house was old. Old and it has been a drought, so very dry. The house went up in flames immediately. Everyone began hauling ass out the front door. We made it to the van, right before the ceiling beams began caving in. No one was hurt, but the house was burned to the ground. We headed back home with 5000.00 bucks.
So we had our 2nd KISS tribute gig Sat. night. We played at a bar outside of the Queen City. Cousin said for our 2nd gig, he wanted us to do an 80 KISS tribute (their 80s glam period, with no make up). This time, he decided he was just be Paul Stanley. I got to play the part of Gene Simmons (he even bought me a blow-up Ax bass from the flea market). Todd was Eric Carr, and Marcus was Vinnie Vincent. Cousin of course sang all the vocal parts. The crowd was mainly rednecks, bikers, drunks. They seemed pissed that we were doing the glam KISS instead of the make-up, and also they seemed kind of perturbed that we were using karaoke tracks, and faking our instruments.
We kicked the show off with Let's Put the X in Sex, and during the guitar solo, a fight broke out between 2 ladies at the bar, over a plate of chicken wings. Cousin was irate that the crowd was more into the fight than us.
After the fight, we put a tip jar on the stage. Cousin asked the crowd to please tip if they were enjoying what they were hearing. A large man who looked like Hank Williams, Jr. yelled, "you ought to be paying us to listen to this garbage... you dont even play your own damn instruments... hell, you aren't even playing any KISS songs that are worth a damn". To this cousin looks him right in the eye, and says, "well.... Lick... It.... Up....", and we break into Lick It up. After being heavily booed, we did Heavens on Fire.. before taking a quick break.
In the green room, a couple of groupies came in, and asked to be alone with cousin. Todd, Marcus, and I obliged, as these Amazon biker chicks came into the green room. After about 5 minutes we hear cousin screaming bloody murder, "THESE CHICKS HAVE PENISES". Cousin bolts out the door, zipping his pants up, and makes a bee-line to the van. We look at the owner, and shrug. He tells us to please never come back.
Anyhow..... as we are loading the karaoke machine out the backdoor, the Amazon women come up to us laughing. "I guess your friend is scared of strap ons....". We all chuckle.
We kicked the show off with Let's Put the X in Sex, and during the guitar solo, a fight broke out between 2 ladies at the bar, over a plate of chicken wings. Cousin was irate that the crowd was more into the fight than us.
After the fight, we put a tip jar on the stage. Cousin asked the crowd to please tip if they were enjoying what they were hearing. A large man who looked like Hank Williams, Jr. yelled, "you ought to be paying us to listen to this garbage... you dont even play your own damn instruments... hell, you aren't even playing any KISS songs that are worth a damn". To this cousin looks him right in the eye, and says, "well.... Lick... It.... Up....", and we break into Lick It up. After being heavily booed, we did Heavens on Fire.. before taking a quick break.
In the green room, a couple of groupies came in, and asked to be alone with cousin. Todd, Marcus, and I obliged, as these Amazon biker chicks came into the green room. After about 5 minutes we hear cousin screaming bloody murder, "THESE CHICKS HAVE PENISES". Cousin bolts out the door, zipping his pants up, and makes a bee-line to the van. We look at the owner, and shrug. He tells us to please never come back.
Anyhow..... as we are loading the karaoke machine out the backdoor, the Amazon women come up to us laughing. "I guess your friend is scared of strap ons....". We all chuckle.
So this thread has been fun and games for some of you, but if I may be serious for a moment...
Cousin isn't doing well at all. We went to karaoke last night, and a local R&B singer was there, a friend of the DJ. He was singing a Luthor Vandross song as we arrived. Before cousin got up to sing, however, the R&B singer left. Cousin looked at me, dead serious, and said, "you see that mother ******... he left because he knew I was about to show his *** up.... that piece of ****". I was like, "dude, I just overheard him saying he was going to pick up his girlfriend from work". "Yeah, that's what he said... he knew I would destroy him on the mic".
Cousin is becoming seriously dellusional. The KISS thing is now over (thank goodness), but back to reality.... he is so warped. I told him he needs to start writing songs and playing them in the band again. He told me he is past that point in his life, and that he is a solo singer. I told him he was too old for American Idol, and that a band is his best bet. He told me karaoke is the way to go. I told him no. Anyhow.... he is warped in other parts of his life now, and he is now in a rest home. He was committed by his mom and dad. I am going to visit later.
Cousin isn't doing well at all. We went to karaoke last night, and a local R&B singer was there, a friend of the DJ. He was singing a Luthor Vandross song as we arrived. Before cousin got up to sing, however, the R&B singer left. Cousin looked at me, dead serious, and said, "you see that mother ******... he left because he knew I was about to show his *** up.... that piece of ****". I was like, "dude, I just overheard him saying he was going to pick up his girlfriend from work". "Yeah, that's what he said... he knew I would destroy him on the mic".
Cousin is becoming seriously dellusional. The KISS thing is now over (thank goodness), but back to reality.... he is so warped. I told him he needs to start writing songs and playing them in the band again. He told me he is past that point in his life, and that he is a solo singer. I told him he was too old for American Idol, and that a band is his best bet. He told me karaoke is the way to go. I told him no. Anyhow.... he is warped in other parts of his life now, and he is now in a rest home. He was committed by his mom and dad. I am going to visit later.
Funny how that doesn't translate. In a previous band, we brought in a guy to be the lead VOX after the old one quit / was fired (he tried to unquit, but the damamge was done). I was interesting how much karaoke guy struggled with a live band situation.
Hey... I think I was at that frat party... Pretty drunk and hopped up on something though. So i don't remember things clearly!
I went to visit cousin today at the rest home. They've got him doped up pretty good on Rx meds. When I walked into his room, his wheelchair was facing the window, and he was wearing his bathrobe and slippers. He is in pretty much a catatonic state right now. Right by his wheelchair was a plate of uneaten peas, mashed taters, and jello. I ask him, "not hungry, huh, buddy?". No response. Just a blank, yet... somewhat sad gaze out of the window...
I brought some old photos with me. I showed him one of me, him, and our gfs from college. No response. I showed him one of the old band from the 90s. No response. Even told him I was looking forward to doing karaoke soon with him. No response. Just a blank, heartbreaking gaze out of the window.
I asked the nurse are the meds doing this to him. She said he came in catatonic and hasnt eaten, or said a word in 24 hours. I went home. Sad myself...
I brought some old photos with me. I showed him one of me, him, and our gfs from college. No response. I showed him one of the old band from the 90s. No response. Even told him I was looking forward to doing karaoke soon with him. No response. Just a blank, heartbreaking gaze out of the window.
I asked the nurse are the meds doing this to him. She said he came in catatonic and hasnt eaten, or said a word in 24 hours. I went home. Sad myself...
