Let's spread some musical misinformation

[Tom Bomb]

All unwanted harmonics, dead-spots, and wolf-notes are caused by the chap inside the fridge who always turns the light out when you shut the door. He's doing it, quite rightly, as an act of rebellion, because you keep shutting him in there.

 

[Jay2U]

The most commonly reported dead-spot, the D at the 7th fret of the G-string, isn't a dead-spot at all. It's just a flaw in the human hearing.

 

[Tom Bomb]

If you're quick, any genuine dead-spots can easily be rectified. When they first present themselves, just apply the Kiss of Life to the spot and they'll instantly vanish. You must act quickly.

Care must be taken to avoid splinters and fret-sprout and be sure to floss immediately afterwards, then gargle with large amounts of anything overproof, to purify the gob. Problem solved.

Do not operate heavy machinery, drive a motor vehicle or attempt to play free jazz on the revived instrument for six hours.

 

[PillO]

Even unpacking a bass from its gigbag in broad daylight, may become illegal.

You should know that TB has an established process for removing your bass from its gig bag without risking damage from temperature changes.

1. Put the gig bag near the front door for a day.
2. Put the gig bag between the screen door and the front door for a day.
2a. If there is no screen door, gently lean the gig bag against the door
3. Bring the gig bag inside but leave it no further than 3ft. from the door for a day.
4. Open the zipper 2" the next day.
5. Open the zipper all the way but don't open the gig bag for a day.
6. Open the gig bag, but do not remove the bass for a day
7. Remove the bass from the gig bag and play as normal.
9. Adjust the truss rod after three days if needed.

Taking a bass out of the house reverses the procedure.

 

[PillO]

The most commonly reported dead-spot, the D at the 7th fret of the G-string, isn't a dead-spot at all. It's just a flaw in the human hearing.

Related:
I never play a wrong note, it is a flaw in the audience's hearing.

 

[Scooter Johnson]

l told my wife l needed a new G-string for my bass and she said I spend way to much time with my bass and I shouldn't buy such personal items for my guitars..... People will talk !

 

[1bassleft]

View attachment 3803962
Chewbacca soon realized why his strings kept on muting !!!!!

As PillO pointed out that facial hair is proportional to playing prowess, Chewbacca was deemed suitable as a gigging bass player after just one lesson. As the planet Kashyyyk is in a ternary system with the planets Pastorius and Palladino, Chewbacca naturally gravitated towards fretless basses (removing the frets from his Hofner, leaving the lines in place and coating the fretboard with several coats of Millenium Falcon Varnish). With flatwounds, muting and the Palladino influence, many Wookies commented that his bass playing "really spoke to them".

Given his ability, it was no surprise that he was the #1 draft pick in Kashyyyk's National Fretless League and his first gigging season saw him named the NFL's Wookie of the Year.

 

[dougjwray]

I've just discovered a handy way to crank the tuning machines on my bass when removing old strings and replacing them:
I use an extra long rubber band to connect one tuner at a time to my car's fan belt, then start the car.
It's takes a little practice, but once you get it down, you'll find it to be very efficient!

 

[Jay2U]

Loose frets are annoying. The guys at StewMac have come with a solution: fret screws. Their slogan: "Screw those loose frets!"

 

[PillO]

I've just discovered a handy way to crank the tuning machines on my bass when removing old strings and replacing them:
I use an extra long rubber band to connect one tuner at a time to my car's fan belt, then start the car.
It's takes a little practice, but once you get it down, you'll find it to be very efficient!

Do you need adjust idle to compensate for sharp/flat. And do you need to use different engine speeds for alternate tunings?

 

[Jay2U]

I've just discovered a handy way to crank the tuning machines on my bass when removing old strings and replacing them:
I use an extra long rubber band to connect one tuner at a time to my car's fan belt, then start the car.
It's takes a little practice, but once you get it down, you'll find it to be very efficient!

Tuners can be interconnected with short rubber bands, so they all turn simultaneously. This comes in handy when one wants to change to a different tuning.

 

[dougjwray]

Rubber bands can also be used to keep the tuners stay in place, so that the bass doesn't go out of tune during the transitions from hot, humid summer months to cold, dry winter months, and back.

 

[dougjwray]

The best way to learn to read music is to read one note at a time. In other words, go through an entire piece of sheet music reading only the A notes. The next time, read only the B notes, etc. When you've finished the G#s, you're done. Congratulations! You're a reader!

 

[dougjwray]

Do you need adjust idle to compensate for sharp/flat. And do you need to use different engine speeds for alternate tunings?

Yes. It requires a light touch with your foot, though.
I forgot to mention that it's advisable to tie a couple of cinder blocks to the body of your bass the first time you try this method. And have your car parked a good distance from the big picture window in the front of your house.

 

[-Asdfgh-]

As PillO pointed out that facial hair is proportional to playing prowess, Chewbacca was deemed suitable as a gigging bass player after just one lesson. As the planet Kashyyyk is in a ternary system with the planets Pastorius and Palladino

The sun is, of course, Cygnus X-1.

 

[-Asdfgh-]

Related:
I never play a wrong note, it is a flaw in the audience's hearing.

Yes. Most audiences don't understand the sort of avant-garde jazz improvisation I play. Just because it SOUNDS like Mustang Sally doesn't mean it isn't a jazz odyssey based on it. I have the power to turn it into such whenever it pleases me.

 

[-Asdfgh-]

Tuners can be interconnected with short rubber bands, so they all turn simultaneously. This comes in handy when one wants to change to a different tuning.

If you want to tune from EADG to DAbDG# then you need to use open tuners and then attach a series of gears between them as required.

 

[-Asdfgh-]

Most bass players fart in the key of Eb, but guitarists fart in D#
No one knows why this is

Isn't D# the saddest of all keys?

 

[bassdude51]

The early 60s USA British Invasion of rock bands was a UK attempt to take back America. Failed when The Monkees came on the scene.

 

[-Asdfgh-]

The early 60s USA British Invasion of rock bands was a UK attempt to take back America. Failed when The Monkees came on the scene.

Ah, but we had secretly planted a Brit in that band! The second attempt was more subtle, which was to replace all USA actors with Canadian ones as a halfway-house to British. Now we are onto attempt three: deploying the royal family to California. Harry's a military man and trained in how to use even an avocado as a weapon.