jive1
Commercial User
I think by the time I'm done writing, this will be pretty long..........
There's lots of things wrong in this situation. But the main thing for me is that the OP is literally a man among boys, and that gives him an unfair advantage in lots of things. By his stage of life, he should have more money, ability to drive, better ability to articulate, a physical advantage, more connections, etc. If my kid were in a band with someone who pushed their weight around like that, I would pull my kid from that project in a heartbeat. I want them to explore, experiment, develop their tastes, develop their skills, learn to compromise, learn to lead, exercise their independence and have a good time. Being in a situation like the OP states wouldn't give my kid that opportunity. I might flex a little if the adult was more of a mentor figure who had vast amounts of experience and talent they can convey to them, but in no way would I do that for someone who is new to playing music themselves. It would be the blind leading the blind, with one blind dude holding the chain.
Also, scientific studies have found that people who pick up music in their youth experience and approach music differently than those who pick it up as adults. Combine that with the difference in age, it will be harder to come to agreements on material. It's even hard for folks who are peers to do. It's even harder when you have a group of kids who are learning their own autonomy and developing their own identity apart from their parents.
Now that I'm a parent, I talk to my musician peers more about stuff like this. Most the guys who are out there working really seem to take a more hands off approach in terms of their kids, acting more as a coach or mentor, if anything at all. Oddly, it seems like the parents that don't play music are the ones that seem to be more pushy about it.
One of my friends has a son who is in a Metal band, and he was selling his Mesa Boogie Triple Rectifier. I asked him if he considered giving it to his son, and he said "NO WAY!" He figured since he already set him up with giggable stuff that he hasn't learned to take care of, giving him a nice amp like that wouldn't make sense. He'd rather have him learn to use what he has, while working and saving up for something better so he could appreciate it more.
I was talking to one of my friends from my first band in high school who is still out there gigging and running sound. We reminisced about the old times, and how different playing gigs now was compared to the 'good ole days'. We talked about how great it would be if we could do it again. It wasn't about the money, fame, getting somewhere, accomplishing goals, etc. It was about the friendship and the music. If anything, we'd PAY money to have that same freedom, energy and experiences again. I'd hate to imagine what that would be like if one of our parents was always hovering around us. Having the better gear or opportunities wouldn't have been worth it for us, if it meant the parents got involved. We were much happier playing through our PA speakers mounted in cardboard boxes playing Metal and Punk.
People ask me all the time if I push music on my kid, and I say no. They are usually surprised because my son loves music and instruments at a very early age. But, he's just around it often. He sees me playing at home and in public. There's musical instruments everywhere, in just about every room. He loves coming to the shop, or watching a rehearsal. If he gets into music it's because it's just a normal part of his life, not because I pushed it on him. I want him to learn to love it, and I would hate to have something that has been so enjoyable, fulfilling and challenging throughout my life tainted by pushing the adult world on it too early. So I encourage him to explore and discover. Play a broken 3 string violin with a curtain rod? Sure....why not.
There's lots of things wrong in this situation. But the main thing for me is that the OP is literally a man among boys, and that gives him an unfair advantage in lots of things. By his stage of life, he should have more money, ability to drive, better ability to articulate, a physical advantage, more connections, etc. If my kid were in a band with someone who pushed their weight around like that, I would pull my kid from that project in a heartbeat. I want them to explore, experiment, develop their tastes, develop their skills, learn to compromise, learn to lead, exercise their independence and have a good time. Being in a situation like the OP states wouldn't give my kid that opportunity. I might flex a little if the adult was more of a mentor figure who had vast amounts of experience and talent they can convey to them, but in no way would I do that for someone who is new to playing music themselves. It would be the blind leading the blind, with one blind dude holding the chain.
Also, scientific studies have found that people who pick up music in their youth experience and approach music differently than those who pick it up as adults. Combine that with the difference in age, it will be harder to come to agreements on material. It's even hard for folks who are peers to do. It's even harder when you have a group of kids who are learning their own autonomy and developing their own identity apart from their parents.
Now that I'm a parent, I talk to my musician peers more about stuff like this. Most the guys who are out there working really seem to take a more hands off approach in terms of their kids, acting more as a coach or mentor, if anything at all. Oddly, it seems like the parents that don't play music are the ones that seem to be more pushy about it.
One of my friends has a son who is in a Metal band, and he was selling his Mesa Boogie Triple Rectifier. I asked him if he considered giving it to his son, and he said "NO WAY!" He figured since he already set him up with giggable stuff that he hasn't learned to take care of, giving him a nice amp like that wouldn't make sense. He'd rather have him learn to use what he has, while working and saving up for something better so he could appreciate it more.
I was talking to one of my friends from my first band in high school who is still out there gigging and running sound. We reminisced about the old times, and how different playing gigs now was compared to the 'good ole days'. We talked about how great it would be if we could do it again. It wasn't about the money, fame, getting somewhere, accomplishing goals, etc. It was about the friendship and the music. If anything, we'd PAY money to have that same freedom, energy and experiences again. I'd hate to imagine what that would be like if one of our parents was always hovering around us. Having the better gear or opportunities wouldn't have been worth it for us, if it meant the parents got involved. We were much happier playing through our PA speakers mounted in cardboard boxes playing Metal and Punk.
People ask me all the time if I push music on my kid, and I say no. They are usually surprised because my son loves music and instruments at a very early age. But, he's just around it often. He sees me playing at home and in public. There's musical instruments everywhere, in just about every room. He loves coming to the shop, or watching a rehearsal. If he gets into music it's because it's just a normal part of his life, not because I pushed it on him. I want him to learn to love it, and I would hate to have something that has been so enjoyable, fulfilling and challenging throughout my life tainted by pushing the adult world on it too early. So I encourage him to explore and discover. Play a broken 3 string violin with a curtain rod? Sure....why not.
