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My drummer REALLY bugs me...

#23
thiocyclist said:
Wrong. He is a representative of the band. Burning bridges for him ends up burning bridges for the whole band. That's not cool to the other members who may have wanted to network for any number of reasons. He should not be able to just trash other people as if he's speaking for everyone, i.e. not consulting the band members first.
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I may be wrong, but it doesnt seem like the drummer is burning bridges.
It sounded to me as if the drummer talks crap about other bands to his own bandmates, not to the other bands themselves.
No bridge burnt if thats the case.
 
#24
MatticusMania said:
I may be wrong, but it doesnt seem like the drummer is burning bridges.
It sounded to me as if the drummer talks crap about other bands to his own bandmates, not to the other bands themselves.
No bridge burnt if thats the case.
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Drummer sent a 'losers can't touch my ****' message to another band after they asked if he could backline their drummer at a show. That's pretty bad.
 
#25
SnowCal said:
Drummer sent a 'losers can't touch my ****' message to another band after they asked if he could backline their drummer at a show. That's pretty bad.
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Well, did the drummer respond directly to the band, or to someone responding on behalf of the band? It reads as if it could be either way, but it seemed to me more the latter, mostly because of this statement:

and defended himself by saying "I don't want some loser touching my ****"." (the defended himself makes it read, IMO, as if he was defending his refusal to loan gear to his own band, not the band asking).

If its the latter, and he responded directly to the band asking with those comments then I absolutely agree with you.
 
#26
totally within his right to not lend out his stuff, but I would absolutely not tolerate the dickishness to other bands. I have very few "rules" musically, but the biggie is be respectful to everyone we play with unless its absolutely necessary to not be. That kind of behavior would be a one time mistake for me. Ive seen way too many times how one guy being a douche in a band can ruin connections for everyone for years!!
 
#27
El Raro said:
So I suppose the question is, am I overreacting or is it completely justified? The gear sharing it, not the mocking bit I mean. Like I said, I'm OK with gear sharing...I've had gear fail on me on stage and have had some folks help me out in the past but I guess maybe that isn't a norm these days?
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Some people view music as strict competition. My old bandleader was one of them. It really hampered our ability to network and work with other bands. On the other hand he was always helpful when asked because he saw definite business value in not making enemies and in not having bad stories about him in the public, so in that regard he was a bit easier to work with than your drummer appears to be. But he never considered himself part of a brother and sisterhood of performers.

I told him once that we can only play one gig at a time, and it's better for other bands to be playing gigs so people stay used to going out to see live music. Needless to say he disagreed with me, going to far as to say every other band with a gig that night was hurting his band that night. It's a closed-minded, zero-sum position to take.

I think your attitude is right, and your drummer's is wrong. His position is closed-minded, based in insecurity, and fear-dominated. Unfortunately he probably won't ever change as it seems some people are just wired that way.

So it will be difficult to work with him as this issue will never go away. It's a value judgment about what else he brings to the table in terms of whether to keep working with him. No one is perfect, and as annoying as this is, you may just have to put up with it, even though it may hurt you and your band going forward.
 
#28
thiocyclist said:
Wrong. He is a representative of the band. Burning bridges for him ends up burning bridges for the whole band. That's not cool to the other members who may have wanted to network for any number of reasons. He should not be able to just trash other people as if he's speaking for everyone, i.e. not consulting the band members first.
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I will see your WRONG and raise you one NOT WRONG.

Let me tell you something. I was giving my friend directions, and I told him when he gets to Tu Wong's, a favorite restaurant of ours, to make a right, and he responded, "my mother always told me Tu Wongs don't make a right."
 
#35
"Last night we got a message from one of the bands playing at an upcoming show with us asking if we could share some cymbals with them for the evening since the drummer's car got broken into and a fair bit of gear stolen. My drummer instantly replied back with "Nope. Tough ****. Don't leave your gear in the car next time" and defended himself by saying "I don't want some loser touching my ****"."
The drummer had his cymbals stolen from his car, he may not have had the resources to purchase new cymbals before the gig so I would consider him unlucky and not unprofessional.
 
#36
So, you mean to tell me that's not typical behavior for someone from Australia?

I apologize if that sounds rude. I know stereotypes are seldom valid, but in America, about all we have to go on is Foster's Beer commercials, the movie Crocodile Dundee, Russell Crowe and Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. Which, I guess he seemed like a friendly enough guy, unless you try to look at him from the animal's perspective.
 
#38
Nev375 said:
So, you mean to tell me that's not typical behavior for someone from Australia?

I apologize if that sounds rude. I know stereotypes are seldom valid, but in America, about all we have to go on is Foster's Beer commercials, the movie Crocodile Dundee, Russell Crowe and Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. Which, I guess he seemed like a friendly enough guy, unless you try to look at him from the animal's perspective.
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You forgot Bon Scott.
 
#39
Had a drummer from a past band who would occasionally come our shows (another previous band) with his girlfriend, and we’d let him sit in for a couple songs, which he really enjoyed.

In conversing with other patrons he kinda dogged the band to build up his newly-forming band (which never materialized), but didn’t know he was talking to people we knew.

Needless to say, he’ll never be considered for, even as a sub, or even as a friend of any band I’m in, the most-recent of which is mine, so I can guarantee it.

No good comes from talking crap about anyone at any time.

imo
 

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