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My drummer REALLY bugs me...

El Raro

El Raro

Feb 6, 2009
1,071
298
Sydney, Australia
#1
My drummer is starting to really get on my nerves as of late. We've been playing together for about a year now and everything's gone great internally as a band. He's a top bloke to us, works hard when writing & rehearsing and is really well organised with gigs.

My issue with him is his goddamn ego. We can't play a single show without him mocking the other bands playing the bill wheras the guitarist and I make an effort to meet the other bands and build possible connections. All the while, all the drummer seems to be able to do is talk **** about the other bands' performances, music and even going as low as what they're wearing.

Last night we got a message from one of the bands playing at an upcoming show with us asking if we could share some cymbals with them for the evening since the drummer's car got broken into and a fair bit of gear stolen. My drummer instantly replied back with "Nope. Tough ****. Don't leave your gear in the car next time" and defended himself by saying "I don't want some loser touching my ****".

I mean...I can understand being attached to gear, especially if its worth a hefty amount of coin, but...is it really necessary to be a total ******* about it? I love my gear too but I've shared my amps, leads and even my basses with other musos who have had theirs fail on stage, stolen, forgotten etc. I like the whole communion aspect of gigs and playing shows with other bands....but my drummer seems to look at things as a competition instead which I feel is really going to give us a bad wrap later down the track.

I plan on bringing this up with him later tonight after prac but, to be honest, he seems pretty set in his ways so I don't think anything's gonna come of it apart from an argument.
 
#4
So I suppose the question is, am I overreacting or is it completely justified? The gear sharing it, not the mocking bit I mean. Like I said, I'm OK with gear sharing...I've had gear fail on me on stage and have had some folks help me out in the past but I guess maybe that isn't a norm these days?
 
#5
what's the ole' saying???
do not judge others....no not that one..
let sleeping dogs... noooo..
oh yea..whaddaya call a guy who hangs out with musicians??????
a drummer!
seriously though... do your thing man, sounds like you're on a good path.
don't worry about his hang ups.
that will all take of itself.
love that lil' country of yours down there.
spent time in Sydney, Newcastle, Gold Coast...i'd move there tomorrow but...long story.
good luck.
 
#8
Yeah. I am behind your drummer on the lending issue. Cymbals are not for lending out under any circumstances. Most drummers won't even let people in their own band touch their kit and you expect them to be cool with the lend? No. That's unreasonable.

For your drummer to have replied to another act without a measure of professional decorum though? Very bad. I'd be revoking his correspondence rights forthwith. Change the password to whatever medium he used on the grounds that he's lost his privileges due to his belligerence.

Make the criticism about the poor communication because that's the problem, not the fact that he doesn't want to be neighbourly with his drum kit. That's his kit, so it's completely his business who touches any of it.
 
#10
obimark said:
Hmmmm... someone talking smack about other bands? Nah, that never happens. My advice get over it.
People talk sh*t all day long, in every avenue. At work, at play at bars, etc.
As for lending gear its his choice, he doesn't have to lend crap.
Click to expand...

Behind their back is fine. I'm offensive to most bands in the privacy of my own circumstances. Nobody is any the wiser so nobody loses.

Wailing on a band to their face or within earshot is business suicide. All this cat needs to do is keep his gob shut while he's in public. Additionally if he can't handle basic common social courtesy he needs to lose the keys to the band's communication channels while he works on being a quieter critic.
 
#11
well, I suppose as long as he doesn't talk **** to their faces perhaps you could swallow it. Sometimes I play gigs with people that I hate. Lending gear can be a pretty contentious issue though - some people are okay with it, and some people don't like it - I'm in the latter, but if it lets somebody get through a gig I'd lend my amp provided that they treat it nicely.
 
#12
IPYF said:
Yeah. I am behind your drummer on the lending issue. Cymbals are not for lending out under any circumstances. Most drummers won't even let people in their own band touch their kit and you expect them to be cool with the lend? No. That's unreasonable.

For your drummer to have replied to another act without a measure of professional decorum though? Very bad. I'd be revoking his correspondence rights forthwith. Change the password to whatever medium he used on the grounds that he's lost his privileges due to his belligerence.

Make the criticism about the poor communication because that's the problem, not the fact that he doesn't want to be neighborly with his drum kit. That's his kit, so it's completely his business who touches any of it.
Click to expand...

This is right on the money.

Gear - No. Unless the lender is willing to have the gear possibly damaged somehow and then have to deal with the grief, monetarily and emotionally, that follows as he tries to have it replaced. Not worth it.

Negative Comments - if his comments go beyond your band members, slinging excrement at other bands only harms your band in the long run. The music business is difficult enough without actively recruiting enemies.

Enjoy.
 
#13
My band plays a lot of charity events and have back line equipment and our main rigs, i'm left handed so not to many people play my basses, we often let musicians use our equipment and our backline cymbals, amps, drums ect.
A person knocking other people's equipment or talent is usually not in touch with their own abilities(if you can walk the walk you shouldn't have to talk the talk). Lending equipment is a personal choice, so you can't fault him for that but I'm sure some day Karma will pay him a visit!
 
#14
Not lending gear is his choice. I usually work with others on this as much as possible.

However, you are EXACTLY right when it comes to bad mouthing other bands. That can NEVER help your situation and only hurt. Just tell him the following.....

"Keep your cymbals, but keep your mouth shut too."
 
#15
yeah, when drummers do share kits, it's customarily everything except cymbals, snare drum, and kick pedal; those things are the most "personal" and also the most apt to get broken.

i learned a long time ago that you get not even a hint of say in what somebody else will or won't share, it's not even your place to suggest it.

(+1 to not being a douche to other people though, and to maybe re-routing band communications to avoid this guy entirely. you could probably tell him to his face that you're doing so and why, lots of people like that are proud of being that way.)
 
#16
There is no way your drummer should share cymbals, and you should never ask him again.

As for the trashing other bands, that is his prerogative. It would be a good idea if he did it behind their backs, as it doesn't build friendships, but seriously, "building relationships" with other local bands will not get you anywhere. At least, it's never done me any good.

Most bands are only interested in helping their TOP musicians: THEMSELVES.

So if your drummer shows up on time, and plays well, I suggest forgetting about the small stuff.

No need to be a Boy Scout.

THIS IS ROCK AND ROLL.
 
#18
mellowinman said:
As for the trashing other bands, that is his prerogative. It would be a good idea if he did it behind their backs, as it doesn't build friendships, but seriously, "building relationships" with other local bands will not get you anywhere. At least, it's never done me any good.

Most bands are only interested in helping their TOP musicians: THEMSELVES.

So if your drummer shows up on time, and plays well, I suggest forgetting about the small stuff.

No need to be a Boy Scout.

THIS IS ROCK AND ROLL.
Click to expand...

Wrong. He is a representative of the band. Burning bridges for him ends up burning bridges for the whole band. That's not cool to the other members who may have wanted to network for any number of reasons. He should not be able to just trash other people as if he's speaking for everyone, i.e. not consulting the band members first.
 

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