Pretty much any time that anyone bags on my playing, I just hand them my bass and say "you do it". 100% of the time this usually shuts them up.
100%, because the people who KNOW what I am trying to do never make snide, snarky comments.
...and it is ok to make true observations about your kids...even if they are not all happy and flowery. I do not, and will not ever have kids of my own, but my GF has kids, and I have become the "step-dude". The kids are awesome, and I let them know that...but when they are being little shites, I also let them know that it is not acceptable, and that other people do not think it is "cute" or funny. They get called out like they should.
Some people call me "mean" or tell me that my expectations for them are "too high".... TOO HIGH?.....***?? No way. They are going to live in a world of respect if they are in my world. Old school proper respect!