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My friend is on dirt

jmattbassplaya

jmattbassplaya

Supporting Member
Jan 13, 2008
11,843
9,860
#1
Honestly, and I don't know what to do. He did it in high school but "quit", as much as one can, and got his ducks in a row. He worked as an EMT for a few years after graduating, but slowly got hooked on painkillers as his mom was a cancer patient and had an endless supply around the household. His parents eventually caught him taking stuff, and once he lost his job and his steady stream of relief he started back on smack.

I saw him over spring break at a bar that me and a bunch of friends were meeting at and I could instantly tell he was using again. His skin looked dead, his eyes were lifeless and dilated, and he kept scratching himself in a way that looked very unnatural. He ended up telling me later that night that he had been using again, but I didn't know what to do besides tell him I could tell and that he needed help. He told me he planned on going to rehab, but the next day he went and bought a bag with a mutual friend of ours who told me what was what.

I dunno what to do. Me and him aren't 'close friends', but I really am one of the few real friends he has. I don't want to tell him what he's doing is wrong because he is a grown man, but I don't want to see him **** up his life because he does have potential as a person. I don't know what to do. Please give me some advice as I want to help this guy get straight.

This is the most real thread I've ever posted, so please don't start **** here.
 
#3
This is a really sensitive subject. I've never dealt with it personally, but from I have seen, I've heard it's best to avoid enabling. So whatever you do, don't give him money, or let him stay at your place, etc... Best of luck, really tough situation.
 
#4
Man, that's tough, I'm lucky in that that is the only major drug I haven't had any friends using.

I know what you mean when you say he's a grown man, but if he's hooked, he could be crying out buy unable to get past the drug. Heroin is one of the, if not the, most addictive substances out there.

I'd be frank with him, remind him he was an EMT and that he should know how bad it is. Tell him you don't want to see a friend kill himself. I don't know how the rehab system works in the US, could you take him to one? Do you have any friends who are LEOs? Maybe you could ask for some advice without dropping names?

Also, if meeting him, I'd make sure there was at least someone else there. People on smack are about as far from reasonable as possible. Last year the father of one of my friends was stabbed by a junkie (with one of his needles) because he didn't have a cigarette (thankfully all the blood tests came back clean but it was a horrible few months not knowing).

Best of luck bud, and remember, friend or not, you don't know how he could react wheb high or needing a fix, stay safe.
 
#5
evidently the guy is close enough to your heart that you are struggling with the situation. it is not about right or wrong, it is about wasting his life and making others suffer.
ultimately, he has to go to go to rehab and then he must change the environment he used to move in and to get away from oder addicts he is presently hanging out with.
it's tough for everybody involved but if you care for the guy, tell him how you feel about it and how it is ruining his and his family/friends lives too. it might just be the thing he needed to hear.
good luck to both!
 
#7
im sorry man. i'm all for the legalization of drugs, but some people have problems with things that can't be fixed without assistance, be that government or whatever. i hope he gets help, but please know that it isn't your fault. keep in mind that he is just your friend, and that you can't control destiny or fate and you can't change the course of time. you're awesome and i'd hate to read about you being hurt (i love reading your posts and your threads), and i hope that he can find help. Some people have problems, and heroin is extremely physically addictive (more than any other drug that i know of), and i hope he can find help.
 
#8
If he's slamming it, there's really not much that can be done unless he really wants it to. Once they hit the needle, it's terribly difficult to pull them away. That route of administration gets people in deep as it is the strongest and almost the fastest, which is a combination for soul-destroying addiction. There are ways to help, but it's nigh impossible to force them into a lasting change.

All I can say is don't help him feed the habit and show that you and your other friends care that he is destroying himself. If he's willing to try and beat it, things get much (relatively speaking) easier.

If you want to try and convince him it's not worth it, there are some ways. After being addicted for awhile, using doesn't impart much of a high. To an opioid addict, high is normal and normal is excruciating pain, due to a lack of endorphins. Tell him it's not worth wasting all that time to stay in one place if it really doesn't make him feel good, which I assume it doesn't if he's been using awhile. Oftentimes though, at that point, an addict doesn't use for the high; an addict uses to stave off withdrawals. It's important to understand this mindset that comes with heavy addiction. They don't use to feel good; they use to stop feeling bad. He needs to know that there are ways to avoid the suffering of withdrawals without jamming a needle in his arm, which leads into the least painful solution.

It doesn't sound good to solve drugs with more drugs, but there are a few that help. Buprenorphine helps with withdrawals without giving a high. Methadone is also common. They may be trading one addiction for another, but those are safer. I've heard of people getting their lives back with methadone maintenance. There are also opioid antagonists, like naltrexone and naloxone that make it impossible to get high, naltrexone is actually used in the event of an overdose. I've heard it forces all the withdrawals at once, so if they use it in rehab the patient is usually sedated. Methadone or buprenorphine are probably the safer routes though.

Whatever you do to help, he has to want it for it to stick. It sounds like he's been at it for awhile, so it will be tough. Addiction is a long battle that doesn't just end when he stops using. I hope this helps and good luck. It's terrible to see someone lost to their demons.
 
#10
Thanks for the words guys. I'll be heading home over Easter weekend, and I think I'll try to get me and a few friends together to talk to him (either as a group or just one on one) about this. He's already getting sick off the stuff and he knows he's starting to get bad, but I don't know if he has the motivation to do anything about it. As I said, I'm really one of the few real friends he has, and tie that together with his mom being really sick, him having no job, him having no other real family, and you start to see him coming from a 'nothing to lose' sort of situation... I don't know if he'll even want to get off.
 
#11
jmattbassplaya said:
Honestly, and I don't know what to do. He did it in high school but "quit", as much as one can, and got his ducks in a row. He worked as an EMT for a few years after graduating, but slowly got hooked on painkillers as his mom was a cancer patient and had an endless supply around the household. His parents eventually caught him taking stuff, and once he lost his job and his steady stream of relief he started back on smack.

I saw him over spring break at a bar that me and a bunch of friends were meeting at and I could instantly tell he was using again. His skin looked dead, his eyes were lifeless and dilated, and he kept scratching himself in a way that looked very unnatural. He ended up telling me later that night that he had been using again, but I didn't know what to do besides tell him I could tell and that he needed help. He told me he planned on going to rehab, but the next day he went and bought a bag with a mutual friend of ours who told me what was what.

I dunno what to do. Me and him aren't 'close friends', but I really am one of the few real friends he has. I don't want to tell him what he's doing is wrong because he is a grown man, but I don't want to see him **** up his life because he does have potential as a person. I don't know what to do. Please give me some advice as I want to help this guy get straight.

This is the most real thread I've ever posted, so please don't start **** here.
Click to expand...

Not if he's on heroin he isn't.

The way I see it is that you have to do everything in your power to get him off of that noise. Interventions, offer to take him to rehab and help him with things he needs, even if it's coming and sitting through a group session or whatever, being some one to talk to, whatever it is. If you did that, and can look yourself in the mirror and say that you did the best that you could, and he still continues using, then you have to wash your hands of the matter, and hope he comes around before he kills himself with it.
 
#12
Yah tough one....
Unfortunately people dont quit unless they want to quit.

And you cant live their lives for them. Its good you care but you cannot do much for them unless they are ready to.

So if he is not ready to quit, either try to convince him or give him a reason to quit.
Otherwise its 24hours supervision and alot of counseling.
Basically what rehab does. So unless you have the time to try and live his live for him and give him your own rehab.

Offer support or funds for rehab only. likewise if they dont want to stop or see a need to stop.....they wont and just take your money. yes I had friends that did the krap. Both never quit...and are no longer around.
 
#13
that sux. i hope your friend gets help. i wish you good luck in dealing with your feelings for your friend. my community here lost a great and well loved guy last summer. he was also a new dad. very sad for everyone.

a common scenario (and the one that killed this guy) was getting clean and then relapsing. his body wasn't capable of handling the return of the junk so suddenly. really too bad. i hope things work out. stay strong and be gentile with yourself, there is only so much you can do.
 
#14
My friends went through that crap with me 5-7 years ago. Now that I'm well and we all hang out I learned how much it hurt them, but that they knew nothing they did helped or could help. For me I had to run myself into the ground. That worked. I hope your friend is more open than I was, because I've nearly died myself (quit breathing... friend brought me back...). Smack is so dangerous when injected. I know a lot of dead people, and Hep C people.

Do what you can, but don't assume getting him locked up will help. It'd piss me off and make me never deal with you. Be there to help when he asks for it, but don't force it. I wish I could talk one-on-one with your buddy. When you've done it all you have credibility to addicts. Someone who hasn't been through it doesn't carry as much weight, if that makes sense.

I hope for the best. Feel free to PM for anything. I've been arrested, rehab four times, etc etc, but just quit it on my own. I had to hit bottom. I don't wish that on anything, and I've always hoped I could use my dumb decisions to help others in pain.
 
#15
It's probably been said but unless he truly wants to come off of it, he won't. I know some people struggling with getting clean at the moment and one of the most important things for him is to find a support group (whether it be you or your group of friends) that he can 100% trust and that will hold him accountable to getting clean. It's incredibly hard to get clean by yourself. So I would guess take him to rehab or some sort of place like that and be there for him.

Good luck man.
 
#17
MJ5150 said:
Intervention?

-Mike
Click to expand...

This is a good idea. Sounds like you're halfway there with friends joining in. Get his family involved as well. And if possible, find out what professional resources there are in the area for detox, treatment and support.

As an aside (and not to be disrespectful), when I read the title I thought it was going to be a thread about a friend using fuzz or distortion. Really.

Good luck to you both.
 
#18
If you are going to try to do something for him make sure you get advice from a professional. Well-intentioned but uninformed intervention attempts could do more harm than good.

I feel for you, man. It can make you feel helpless watching a friend spiral like that. It's good that he has friends who care. As much as he needs to get help, so does anyone who wants to help him. Get help.
 
#19
tZer said:
If you are going to try to do something for him make sure you get advice from a professional. Well-intentioned but uninformed intervention attempts could do more harm than good.
Click to expand...

Also- if he is known to carry a gun/knife/other weapon, or is known to be violent/fight, don't do the surprise intervention thing.

I was told by an intervention/substance abuse therapist lady that she stopped doing surprise interventions when a meth addict pulled a gun and backed out of the room.

Stay safe. Be well. Good luck my friend.
 
#20
That's one thing that has me worried. He does own guns (legally) and he does have a bit of a temper. He's usually very chill around his friends though, but I don't think this would be a situation he'd be 100% cool with, either.

As for his parents... I dunno. I don't know either of them well enough to drop in one day and tell them that their son is doing heroin. As I somewhat mentioned before, his mom has been very sick over the past few years from her cancer and her treatments, and I'd hate to drop this on top of her when she's already in a bad state.

If there is one okay thing about this it's that he knows he's ****ing up and that the junk is doing a real number on him. He knows he needs help, so I'm hoping his friends giving him a nudge in the right direction will make him come to his senses. We'll see :hmm:
 

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