OK, since MJ dragged me back into this, it's his fault.

Week 1 is always a crap shoot, you can never be sure what you saw in preseason will translate to the field when the ammo switches from blanks to live. Lot of throwing spaghetti at the wall and seein' what sticks this week....
TNF Falcons @ Eagles: Preseason means nothing, I know, but it's impossible to ignore how utterly BAD the Failclowns have looked in the past 4 weeks. Just BAD. Like, making my obnoxious nickname for the team and their leaky sphincter stadium look accurate bad -
Falcons 13 Eagles 24
Bills @ Ravens: I don't have much data on either team so far...but Flacco is just not performing well the past few years, and their defense is not the feared beast it once was...guessing... -
Bills 24 Ravens 17
Jaguars @ Giants: Yeah, the Giants made some big moves, ODB is back, Barkley is a beast. The Jags were one half of football away from the Super Bowl last year, and they will be a contender again -
Jags 27 Giants 17
Texans @ Patriots: If "those" Texans show up, y'know the one with Deshaun Watson and JJ Watt, this will be a game worthy of your attention. I kind of wish it were on at the 4pm slot, so I could watch it with all my attention. Should be entertaining, and I expect a close one, with just a slight home field edge to the Pats -
Texans 23 Pats 27
49ers @ Vikings: Tough one to call, both teams have shiny, brand-new-to-them QB's, and expect big things from them. Another home field advantage win -
49ers 17 Vikings 20
Titans @ Dolphins: I'm thinking this one will be closer than Titans fans want it to be, and just close enough but not quite enough to make the Phins fans frustrated at the end of regulation -
Titans 34 Dolphins 28
Bengals @ Colts: Can Marvin Lewis save his job for yet another season versus can Andrew Luck actually still play at an elite level. I think luck wins for Luck -
Bengals 20 Colts 27
Steelers @ Browns: Mayfield? Who knows. Steelers are difficult to read as well. Because of history.... -
Steelers 20 Browns 13
Chiefs @ Chargers: This is the late game I'm hoping I get to see. Both teams should be good this year, and I expect a home & home split, but both games competitive -
Chiefs 24 Chargers 27
Seahawks @ Broncos: Yet another "lack of significant data" for me game. The Legion Of Boom is gone, but the offense in Denver is an unknown...home field 3 -
Seahawks 20 Broncos 23
Cowboys @ Panthers: Norv Turner will ruin what little hope sCam "Figgy" Newton might give Panthers fans this season. Add to that the fact that the Panthers have done literally nothing to address the spaghetti strainer trying to convince everyone it is actually an offensive line, and if Newton actually makes it through the season without missing a few games, it will be a miracle. The only reason the Panthers will be in any game at all is their defense, and even that is beginning to show fraying around the edges. As much as it pains me to admit this, the Cowboys do have a fair defense and a very solid offensive line -
Cowboys 24 Panthers 10
Redskins @ Cardinals: I think the Cards might just be for real this year. I don't think the Redskins will be -
Redskins 13 Cardinals 24
SNF Bears @ Packers: Packers have ARod back, so their offense will be back on track. They still don't have a solid front 7 on defense, however, so games are going to resemble track meets. Still, Rodgers versus Trubisky equals home win for the cheese -
Bears 20 Packers 31
MNF #1 Jets @ Lions: Jets have a lot of unknowns, Lions are established and at home. Neither team is a threat to win their division, but the Lions will at least make the rest of their division worry about them; the Jets are a couple of seasons away from that point -
Jets 13 Lions 27
MNF #2 Rams @ Raiders: The Rams did not put their starting QB, RB, or DE's on the field during the entire preseason. Not one snap. Won't matter. Gruden will be Gruden, he looks and sounds like a winning coach, but he isn't - he just fooled everyone into thinking he was when he wasn't able to disassemble Tony Dungy's early 2000's Bucs fast enough to keep them from winning the Super Bowl Dungy would have had the Glazers not ignorantly fired him -
Rams 35 Raiders 13
Best for last!
Bucs @ Saints: Well....uh....Fitztragic versus Breesus. That should sum it up nicely. The Bucs are going to be vying for the #1 overall pick this year, even with Captain Serial Sexual Assaulter on the field, they will underachieve - and he's sitting at home for 3 weeks, leaving them with a career backup trying to run their "8 cylinder offense hitting on 5 cylinders"; the Saints are going to be vying for their second Lombardi trophy (and it's a legit expectation). The Saints have a defense that was sneakily good last year, and it has gotten even better this offseason - the front 4 will be just brutal, and they may just have one of the top 3 sets of DB's; their offense...well....even without Ingram for the first 4 weeks, they will have a vicious ground game, then they have Brees and "Can't Guard Mike" Thomas and a few other nasty surprises if you stack the box to stop the run. The game will play out accordingly -
Bucs 10, Saints 31