Now I feel like a jerk

[Bullitt5135]

My band has been looking for a new front man. We put out a lot of feelers through personal and social channels, and ended up with three people worth auditioning. First guy wasn’t a good fit. Second guy had potential. Not exactly what we were looking for, but a good musician and somebody who we might be able to work with. Third guy (a friend of our guitar player) fell through and we never auditioned him. With no other prospects and guy #2 asking when we were jamming again, we decided to have him come back for a closer look. He didn’t exactly nail it, and we had some reservations, but it was obvious that this guy was already considering himself part of the band. We made the mistake of not telling him to pump the brakes. With the holidays approaching, we agreed to take a couple weeks off and get in touch after Jan 1.

Of course, a couple days later, guy #4 falls in our lap…a mutual friend of guy #3 and our guitar player. Mostly to appease our guitar player, I agreed to audition guy #4, thinking we’ll jam for a couple hours then never see the guy again. And of course, the guy came in and completely blew us away. We breezed through 10 songs off our list…the guy absolutely nailed it in all categories. He’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, and vice versa.

Today I made the call of shame and told guy #2 that we are moving forward with someone else. Dude did not take it well, and rightfully so. I owned it and apologized, but it doesn’t make it any less of a d* move on our part. I should have tempered his expectations and told him we might be auditioning other people. But $&@“ happens and we had to make a decision. Not my proudest moment.

 

[BassGH]

I don’t think you did any big crime here.

 

[Pulverizor]

Bass players have the deepest feelings.

 

[Geri O]

I would have “pumped the brakes” a bit early on before the holidays, but it sounds like #2 made some ASSumptions of his own.

This stuff is never easy. Carry on.

 

[Goatrope]

You learned a lesson. Definitely easier to “pump the brakes” early than pull the plug later. We all try to be nice, but sometimes the bigger kindness is honesty. #2 will find something else.

 

[two fingers]

I can see both sides. I might be a little put off if I were "#2" (bad nickname).

But these things happen. Journey had another singer early on. I'm really glad they didn't let feelings derail them when Steve Perry came along.

 

[hrodbert696]

This is why they say all that stuff about the importance of clear communication. Saying something like, "Sure, let's get together and jam" is ambiguous - is this an audition? A callback? A rehearsal? It would have helped for you to pump the brakes. But it also would have helped if #2 had said, "So does this mean I'm in the band, or is this still the audition?" And then you could clarify either yes, he's in and you're not going to audition anyone else, or no, he's a strong candidate but you haven't closed auditions yet. You didn't communicate clearly but neither did he.

 

[Bald-N-Bassy]

Obviously the guy you chose was a better fit for your band.
Frontman is an important job. If he's better person for the job, I would’ve done the same thing.

 

[Hummergeist]

Inviting somebody 'back for a closer look' isn't a job offer. Sounds like the false expectations are more on him than you.

 

[jamro217]

Sounds like the drummer dodged a bullet. No promises or money changed hands, just the awkward first date kiss or handshake kind of miscommunication. You may work together someday or invite him up as a guest at a gig. Just be sure to make it clear if you do that it isn't a repeat. Hope this helps.

 

[Bassist4Eris]

Not my proudest moment.

I think you have every right to be proud. You didn't chicken out and send a text or (worse) just start ignoring his communications. You picked up the phone like a grown adult and had a tough conversation.

 

[Crash 56]

its good you sucked it up and did the right thing. Imagine the nightmare of hiring the wrong guy, and never quite living up to your potential as a band, and then getting smoked at some double bill by the band that was sharp enough to pick the guy you should have had.....

 

[jdh3000]

Been there... It's never easy telling someone that. No matter how easily you put it, they hear "we picked someone better".

You did the best you could do...

 

[el murdoque]

Seems like you admitted that there was a better way and apologized - so you did a bad move and owned it.
If you feel bad about it now, that's growth. Next time, same situation, you'll handle it better.

 

[akukulich]

I don't see that you did anything wrong. You didn't promise him anything. As far as I can tell, you didn't tell him that you stopped looking. I give you credit for taking the high road, but I think this guys made the situation into something it wasn't on his own.

 

[jmattbassplaya]

I think #2 was a bit overly ambitious thinking he got the role without first getting clarity on where he stood. Yes, you could have and probably should have managed expectations, but I think it’s common knowledge that anyone auditioning should ask what next steps are after a tryout. He set himself up for disappointment, and you did what you could to own the situation, apologize, and let him off as easy as possible. Kudos to you - don’t overthink it.

 

[buldog5151bass]

Question is, right after the second audition, we're you still on the fence? If so, you should have told him. If not, you acted wrong.

I recently auditioned for a band. It went well, and they told me next rehearsal was in a week. After these one night, we discussed songs for next week and potential venues, and said next rehearsal in a week. To make things easier, I asked if I could leave my bass can there - they said yes.

Later that week, when I texted to confirm tunes, they said (for the first time) they were auditioning another player, but I was still in the running. Needless to say I am pissed.

 

[JRA]

My band has been looking for a new front man. We put out a lot of feelers through personal and social channels, and ended up with three people worth auditioning. First guy wasn’t a good fit. Second guy had potential. Not exactly what we were looking for, but a good musician and somebody who we might be able to work with. Third guy (a friend of our guitar player) fell through and we never auditioned him. With no other prospects and guy #2 asking when we were jamming again, we decided to have him come back for a closer look. He didn’t exactly nail it, and we had some reservations, but it was obvious that this guy was already considering himself part of the band. We made the mistake of not telling him to pump the brakes. With the holidays approaching, we agreed to take a couple weeks off and get in touch after Jan 1. Of course, a couple days later, guy #4 falls in our lap…a mutual friend of guy #3 and our guitar player. Mostly to appease our guitar player, I agreed to audition guy #4, thinking we’ll jam for a couple hours then never see the guy again. And of course, the guy came in and completely blew us away. We breezed through 10 songs off our list…the guy absolutely nailed it in all categories. He’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, and vice versa.
Today I made the call of shame and told guy #2 that we are moving forward with someone else. Dude did not take it well, and rightfully so. I owned it and apologized, but it doesn’t make it any less of a d* move on our part. I should have tempered his expectations and told him we might be auditioning other people. But $&@“ happens and we had to make a decision. Not my proudest moment.

yeah, you f'd up (you were not clear), but no harm done to anything but egos. shake it off and move forward.

bottom line = congrats on your new singer!

 

[Kipp Harrington]

If it makes you feel any better, I probably would have approached the situation the same way you did. Bottom line is that you handled it well and were straight up with the guy. Water under the bridge now. Besides, we all know that #2 stinks!

 

[40Hz]

Today I made the call of shame and told guy #2 that we are moving forward with someone else. Dude did not take it well, and rightfully so.

You called him rather than texted or ghosted him the way most people seem to be doing it lately. That earns you full respect points from me for that much alone. Nice to see a little display of character and basic decency these days. It’s gotten rare.

As far as the prospect taking it badly…well, yeah. Maybe expectations could have been managed a little better. But at the end of the day they were his expectations. No actual commitment was given by the band. Encouragement and a second audition isn’t the same thing as making an offer. So that’s his problem if he’s taking it badly. If you can’t cope with being rejected (or ignored) in an adult manner, then music performance is definitely not something to get involved with.

FWIW I’ve done auditions where I walked out of each feeling I totally nailed it only to be informed someone else got the position. I got rejected once because the lead singer’s GF mistook me for someone her BFF recently broke up with. And I was once hired and then dropped right before (literally minutes before) the first formal rehearsal because one of the band member’s bass playing friends decided he wanted in. It was one of those classic scenes: “What can I do? It’s like we’ve been friends since we were kids bro, and he’s looking for another band. I’m really sorry, man. I feel terrible about this.”

So don’t ever assume you’re in until you’re gigging with the band. And don’t ever assume it’s permanent. Because…stuff.

Onward!