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Now I feel like a jerk
- Thread starter Bullitt5135
- Start date
Did I miss the part where you told #2 he was in the band?
It's the main reason why we flush.
I think you're good. At least you apologized, which is more than most people get ...
it wasn't criminal, but it was kinda rude. I mean, you hire the guy, you don't tell him you have reservations, and before you even get to January 1, you replace him. Yeah I'd be pissed too. He may have passed other opportunities to be with you guys. You did a bait and switch on him. Wasted his time. Not nice
Always treat others the way you wish to be treated yourselves.
but yes at least you apologized. that's a rare commodity these days
Always treat others the way you wish to be treated yourselves.
but yes at least you apologized. that's a rare commodity these days
I freely admit I/we acted wrong. By the end of the second audition, it was pretty obvious that the guy was starting to consider himself part of the band. I mean, the guy was totally geeked and very forward about it. He even got his phone out and shot some video, which I thought was a bit weird. I'm pretty sure we didn't explicitly say "you're in", nor did we explicitly say "hang tight, we're still auditioning people." We probably said something like "yeah, we like you and this could probably work." This is the point we should have just said "yes, there is potential here, but we need to think it over first." In hindsight, I was avoiding being put on the spot and making a decision right then and there. By the time I got home and before I even talked to my bandmates, he had already posted the video clips on his YouTube and Facebook channels. We didn't have other candidates at that point and the guy was truly a viable option. It kind of felt like the toothpaste was out of the tube so we decided to just go with it – but take a couple of weeks off and resume after the holidays. Then a few days later, the other guy fell in our lap and the rest is history. In hindsight, my lame attempt to avoid an initial uncomfortable conversation just led to a worse situation.
It's always a slippery slope in this type of situation: you're in need, option 2 is possibly passable, but not quite it. Don't want to risk losing options 2's interest while you explore, so communication is vague.
I don't see anything to be ashamed of in this case other than not being clear that you're still in the process of auditioning when you invited him back for round 2. He had his part in the confusion, but you could have been clearer. You know this and it sounds like you were as human as possible in delivering the news. Live and learn.
I don't see anything to be ashamed of in this case other than not being clear that you're still in the process of auditioning when you invited him back for round 2. He had his part in the confusion, but you could have been clearer. You know this and it sounds like you were as human as possible in delivering the news. Live and learn.
You deserve a slap on the wrist for a misdemeanor, but you avoided the felony, which nowadays is "ghosting" the person you are trying to not talk to. So, you didn't do things perfectly. Lean from it, realize you're human, and try to do a little better next time.
These are tricky situations and nobody likes being the bad guy and nobody likes being the guy who didn’t get the gig. I had to do the exact thing you described with a drummer a few years ago. It sounds like you handled it as best as it could be handled. At least you called the guy and explained the situation, instead of just texting or ghosting him.
You and the rest of the band definitely could have been clearer about your intentions. However, he bears responsiblity for making assumptions and then posting videos on YouTube and Facebook without actually being told he got the job. Another thing is that posting those videos before being told he got the job is a little alarming. What else might he assume in the future and what problems might that cause?
But, in the end, you actually did make contact with him and give him an answer, even if he didn't like it. That doesn't seem too common these days, so bonus points for being adult enough to actually deliver the bad news to him.
My band actually had a similar experience before we hired our new keys player. We auditioned several people on keys and/or guitar but never found the one we all agreed. We debated the final two and were close to making a decision before the guy we ended up hiring kind of fell into our lap and WAS the one we all agreed on. But I will give our LS/BL credit for being honest with all of the people we auditioned (incliuding the two we brought back for a second audition before making the final decision to go with someone else). It's not easy to do and I respect the way she handled things.
But, in the end, you actually did make contact with him and give him an answer, even if he didn't like it. That doesn't seem too common these days, so bonus points for being adult enough to actually deliver the bad news to him.
My band actually had a similar experience before we hired our new keys player. We auditioned several people on keys and/or guitar but never found the one we all agreed. We debated the final two and were close to making a decision before the guy we ended up hiring kind of fell into our lap and WAS the one we all agreed on. But I will give our LS/BL credit for being honest with all of the people we auditioned (incliuding the two we brought back for a second audition before making the final decision to go with someone else). It's not easy to do and I respect the way she handled things.
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One thing I’ve learned in my 66 years – we all make mistakes, the real test is how we handle them. You did it right by owning up to it, and I’m sure will learn from this experience when something like this next comes around.
I wouldn't lose sleep over this. The guy sounds pretty insecure and desperate to me. I think if you guys went with him there would be problems (with him) down the road. Jumping to conclusions, assuming things. Not good. Maybe you didn't handle the situation the way you could have, but this dude sounds a little bit immature and over the top. Carry on.
It stinks that feelings were hurt. This is not your fault, but I know how my own brain works and that wouldn't stop me from having some feelings of my own to work through. You had the feeling that wrong assumptions were made and you didn't correct them at the time. I would beat myself up over that a little bit. But only a little. And not for more than a few days tops.
As long as you learned something it has value both personally and professionally.
You didn't really do anything wrong. I once was in a band auditioning drummers. We auditioned 3 guys. They were all good. We chose one. One of the ones we didn't choose got angry and started bashing the band on social media etc, which just further confirmed we made the right choice NOT hiring him. Sometimes people just can't handle not getting picked.
as long as that was made clear to the guy. Sounds like he was given a different impression
You gotta let people be pissed. Some are just better at handling it than others.
I'm totally in agreement that the text or ignore option was the easy way, and there are enough people out there that would use it. You showed him the respect both he and the situation deserved, part of that is usually getting beat up a bit. Kudos to you Bro. It takes time to process rejection. If he's committed and passionate enough then he's not going to let this get in his way, (most of us wouldn't) also having learned from it.
Last time I got booted the guitarist made up a dumb fight, took my best buddy and lead man, (I introduced the two) Today they are playing out with a full band. Doing pretty good too from what I can tell. My buddy could have said it's both of us or none, he didn't.
I still spend time with my buddy, still love him, still bust his balls for throwing me under the bus.
In this case it truly wasn't worth throwing the friendship away. We could very well be performing duos at any given time.
When push comes to shove a band is a very important part of our lives and at times it's going to be every man for themselves.
I don't envy the ones with (more/any ?) success than mine in this dept. The stakes get higher and so do the repercussions.
I'm totally in agreement that the text or ignore option was the easy way, and there are enough people out there that would use it. You showed him the respect both he and the situation deserved, part of that is usually getting beat up a bit. Kudos to you Bro. It takes time to process rejection. If he's committed and passionate enough then he's not going to let this get in his way, (most of us wouldn't) also having learned from it.
Last time I got booted the guitarist made up a dumb fight, took my best buddy and lead man, (I introduced the two) Today they are playing out with a full band. Doing pretty good too from what I can tell. My buddy could have said it's both of us or none, he didn't.
I still spend time with my buddy, still love him, still bust his balls for throwing me under the bus.
In this case it truly wasn't worth throwing the friendship away. We could very well be performing duos at any given time.
When push comes to shove a band is a very important part of our lives and at times it's going to be every man for themselves.
I don't envy the ones with (more/any ?) success than mine in this dept. The stakes get higher and so do the repercussions.
