Now I feel like a jerk

[PennyroyalWe]

I’ve been on the receiving end of one of these transactions, and honestly I didn’t think it was that bad. Bands previous bassist quit to move to Montana, I auditioned and it went well, I got offered the spot, and said yes; next day, I get a call that their original bassist isn’t moving anymore, so he’s back in the band. OK, I get that. It sucked a bit, but I mostly felt bad for he singer who was telling me. He seemed really uncomfortable doing it.
The next week so get a call saying they fired their original bassist, and asked if I’d come back. I had a blast playing in that band for a few years until COVID killed it.

 

[Black Out Jazz]

No blood, no foul.

@Bullitt5135 , you did right.

Agreed.

 

[Dluxe]

 

[KeithPas]

Inviting somebody 'back for a closer look' isn't a job offer. Sounds like the false expectations are more on him than you.

That is what I was thinking. This guy sounds like he is presumptuous and this would have likely ended badly later on

 

[dkelley]

that sucks for sure. Gotta be careful with new folks to not guarantee anything for a couple of week or so of jamming and experimenting time with them. Feeling are sensitive, particularly for musicians, and that must have been hard for both of you to go through.

Sucks.

But.... you probably did make the right decision. So, it was tough, but important, and for the betterment of the band.

 

[Medbo_BassBoy]

You did the right thing.

 

[Surely_Bassy]

My band has been looking for a new front man. We put out a lot of feelers through personal and social channels, and ended up with three people worth auditioning. First guy wasn’t a good fit. Second guy had potential. Not exactly what we were looking for, but a good musician and somebody who we might be able to work with. Third guy (a friend of our guitar player) fell through and we never auditioned him. With no other prospects and guy #2 asking when we were jamming again, we decided to have him come back for a closer look. He didn’t exactly nail it, and we had some reservations, but it was obvious that this guy was already considering himself part of the band. We made the mistake of not telling him to pump the brakes. With the holidays approaching, we agreed to take a couple weeks off and get in touch after Jan 1.

Of course, a couple days later, guy #4 falls in our lap…a mutual friend of guy #3 and our guitar player. Mostly to appease our guitar player, I agreed to audition guy #4, thinking we’ll jam for a couple hours then never see the guy again. And of course, the guy came in and completely blew us away. We breezed through 10 songs off our list…the guy absolutely nailed it in all categories. He’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, and vice versa.

Today I made the call of shame and told guy #2 that we are moving forward with someone else. Dude did not take it well, and rightfully so. I owned it and apologized, but it doesn’t make it any less of a d* move on our part. I should have tempered his expectations and told him we might be auditioning other people. But $&@“ happens and we had to make a decision. Not my proudest moment.

Definitely don’t beat yourself up. Just a rough mix of innocuous ambiguity and unfortunate timing. And at least you never had to get to this stage with #2:

 

[Surely_Bassy]

View attachment 4513407

GMTA.

 

[logdrum]

In this century and in this country a recurring one night stand does not equal a relationship. I think you are okay. Auditions should be sequential though. Do not go to the second round before the first round is done, But you know that by now, Happy Holidays! Wishing that #2 is just sad and not vindictive.

 

[2cooltoolz]

I'm not seeing a big deal here. I got pretty much the same treatment (very) recently when a band cancelled my audition (sight unseen) saying they found their guy. It's kinda like dating. When you find the right one, you latch on and try not to make enemies with the rest. (It took me waaay to long to learn that.)

I have no hard feelings with the jerks who blew me off band who found a match. Moving on!

 

[twinjet]

Inviting somebody 'back for a closer look' isn't a job offer. Sounds like the false expectations are more on him than you.

Right. Second-round interviews are a thing in the working world, too. Guy #2 set himself up for disappointment here.

 

[mambo4]

. I owned it and apologized

Good. Your work is done.

 

[QORC]

I think assuming you're hired before explicitly being told "you're hired" is a mistake. His impression or wishes don't make it the case. In the OP it even said the language used was to be in touch.

ah so the band was purposely vague in order to keep their options open, leaving the would-be singer with an incorrect impression, and when they found someone better, just up and replaced him? yeah, total class there

 

[Tanner5382]

ah so the band was purposely vague in order to keep their options open, leaving the would-be singer with an incorrect impression, and when they found someone better, just up and replaced him? yeah, total class there

Again, you can’t replace somebody you never formally hired. You’re trying really hard to be right here to play some moral high ground and it’s really weird. Multiple other people responded to you explaining why you’re wrong too. This attitude makes it sound like you’ve never auditioned for a band or applied for a job or anything.

 

[QORC]

again, if you're not clear about the status of the person and left them with the impression you've hired them when secretly you have a Plan B, yes, that's wrong. If they had been clear as to what the status of this guy was, he would not have been so angry. Sounds like he had a right to be. I'm sure they were being vague on purpose. It's like holding on to the ugly chick until you find one you like better, then dump her.

If they had said, "we haven't made our decision. This is round 2 of the try-outs, is that cool?", that would've been different. then the guy would have no room for complaint

 

[Bullitt5135]

again, if you're not clear about the status of the person and left them with the impression you've hired them when secretly you have a Plan B, yes, that's wrong.

We didn't secretly have a Plan B. We weren't being vague on purpose. We met with the guy and jammed/auditioned for about 4 hours over two sessions. We had some reservations, but we concluded that we liked the guy and could indeed work with him – and said as much at the 2nd audition. Over the next 24 hours, while the band was discussing how to move forward with this guy (which would require completely reworking our song list and setting pretty specific expectations), he was telling everybody he knew about the band, posting videos of the audition on social media, and even sending us messages about what to name the new band. In hindsight, we should have said "hold on a minute, chief...let's see how the next few rehearsals go, and then we'll make a final decision." Based on my perception of his aggressive/forward personality, I suspect he would have pressed us for a firm commitment. In our lame, non-confrontational way, we just rolled with it and agreed to get together again after the holidays. Maybe I have selective memory, but I don't remember making any official declarations or teaching him the secret handshake.

Then a couple of days later, our guitarist said "hey, I know a guy who knows a guy...he can come over next Wednesday." Our guitarist can be a bit moody, and I felt like we were throwing him a bone by auditioning somebody that he turned up. That, combined with the fact that we had some reservations about the other guy, led us to selfishly think "well, what could it hurt?" Maybe this new guy could be a fallback if the first guy doesn't work out? I honestly didn't think it would amount to anything. It was a stupid assumption on my part. Admittedly, we didn't "think" at all. And is usually the case when you combine poor communication and questionable choices, the whole thing blew up in our face.

 

[QORC]

and there it is, you weren't exactly transparent with singer #1 and as you said, you used him as a "fall-back". and then of course, dumped him the moment that you decided the next guy was better.

Treat people as you wish to be treated. If someone asked me to join, but admitted they had "reservations" about me, I would simply declined. but to be the secret second-choice until they could find my replacement?

as I said, you weren't honest with the guy. I'd be mad too

 

[Ronzo]

and there it is, you weren't exactly transparent with singer #1 and as you said, you used him as a "fall-back". and then of course, dumped him the moment that you decided the next guy was better.

Treat people as you wish to be treated. If someone asked me to join, but admitted they had "reservations" about me, I would simply declined. but to be the secret second-choice until they could find my replacement?

as I said, you weren't honest with the guy. I'd be mad too

JMO: You would have had no reason to be. Especially since the “#2” started immediately doing his own little marketing campaign. As Ii said in a previous post, if I were part of the three-person band management team (as I was in my NY band), I would have voted to blackball him for usurping the partners’ authority. If I were the sole BL, I would have FIRED him. In person. To his face. I have NO problem with in-person confrontation.

Band Management is similar to normal business management. Know your role. Be prepared. Don’t overstep. If you wish to contribute beyond your role, ask permission first, to make sure that everyone is pulling in the same direction. Every marketing decision must support the band’s branding and market approach. This candidate subverted that, by going in his own direction without considering those needs.

IME, talented people who have ideas in those areas are usually aware that they can present those ideas and have them taken into consideration or, perhaps, have them immediately adopted. To do those things without consideration is a bad error.