Now I feel like a jerk

[Acoop]

LOL
I remember a trio I was in 77/78 and the guitar player left, a good thing, so we held open auditions. ... We had this very intense guy show up and he was good enough for the gig but it was so painful to be near him. The drummer felt the same way so we said 'thanks for coming out, we have some other guys to see and we'll call you.' ... Very friendly and business like and he hasn't taking it. ... He flipped out on us. Not screaming but getting close. ... Eventually we convinced him this was the reason it wouldn't work out and he left in a huff. ... The next guy was the guy. ... It's not easy finding like minded musicians.

 

[Bass Viking]

Impressions are NOT agreements. AFAIK, no concrete offer was made to “#2”, yet he took it upon himself to take videos AND post them on social media platforms. As a former partner in a three-member band management group, it would have taken a vote of two to agree to hire him - and a blackball from one of the partners to take him out of consideration. Some may commend #2 for his “initiative”, but I would have seriously argued for his immediate dismissal. Decisions to do that are the prerogative of the band’s leader or management partners ONLY. Those are the person(s) responsible for maintaining brand identity and target market. All other players are hired guns.

+1. Too bad #2 didn't take the initiative to ask if he was actually in.

 

[retslock]

This is why they say all that stuff about the importance of clear communication. Saying something like, "Sure, let's get together and jam" is ambiguous - is this an audition? A callback? A rehearsal? It would have helped for you to pump the brakes. But it also would have helped if #2 had said, "So does this mean I'm in the band, or is this still the audition?" And then you could clarify either yes, he's in and you're not going to audition anyone else, or no, he's a strong candidate but you haven't closed auditions yet. You didn't communicate clearly but neither did he.

Lesson learned hopefully. Make it clear to all concerned that you haven’t committed until you commit.

 

[BBQisgood]

My band has been looking for a new front man. We put out a lot of feelers through personal and social channels, and ended up with three people worth auditioning. First guy wasn’t a good fit. Second guy had potential. Not exactly what we were looking for, but a good musician and somebody who we might be able to work with. Third guy (a friend of our guitar player) fell through and we never auditioned him. With no other prospects and guy #2 asking when we were jamming again, we decided to have him come back for a closer look. He didn’t exactly nail it, and we had some reservations, but it was obvious that this guy was already considering himself part of the band. We made the mistake of not telling him to pump the brakes. With the holidays approaching, we agreed to take a couple weeks off and get in touch after Jan 1.

Of course, a couple days later, guy #4 falls in our lap…a mutual friend of guy #3 and our guitar player. Mostly to appease our guitar player, I agreed to audition guy #4, thinking we’ll jam for a couple hours then never see the guy again. And of course, the guy came in and completely blew us away. We breezed through 10 songs off our list…the guy absolutely nailed it in all categories. He’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, and vice versa.

Today I made the call of shame and told guy #2 that we are moving forward with someone else. Dude did not take it well, and rightfully so. I owned it and apologized, but it doesn’t make it any less of a d* move on our part. I should have tempered his expectations and told him we might be auditioning other people. But $&@“ happens and we had to make a decision. Not my proudest moment.

Unless there was something said akin to “you are hired,” then you’re in the clear.

 

[DrThumpenstein]

You're not a jerk. He was a bit of a jerk to send you on a guilt trip based on his expectations.

The fact that you have a conscience and the situation troubles you makes me hold you in high esteem. I wish more folks were as considerate. You are looking to learn from this, which is also impressive.

I think you're the opposite of a jerk.

 

[coy garcia]

Learning experience for all. He will be more prepared for the next audition. You will communicate differently next time. Nothing to feel bad about.

 

[Ostie]

When you started your search for a front man, you wanted the best, right? You’re feeling bad because you were the messenger. He will get over it. It’s happened to nearly all of us. It’s happened to me. I survived.

 

[Smoove-Groove]

I can see both sides. I might be a little put off if I were "#2" (bad nickname).

 

[TexasHeat]

Bad on the band for not setting the expectation. Bad on #2 for assuming too much. However, people quit or get fired from bands all the time, whether it's day 1 or year 10. It's part of being in a band. So double-bad on #2 for whining about it.

Cool you found a new front man.

 

[51PRI]

My band has been looking for a new front man. We put out a lot of feelers through personal and social channels, and ended up with three people worth auditioning. First guy wasn’t a good fit. Second guy had potential. Not exactly what we were looking for, but a good musician and somebody who we might be able to work with. Third guy (a friend of our guitar player) fell through and we never auditioned him. With no other prospects and guy #2 asking when we were jamming again, we decided to have him come back for a closer look. He didn’t exactly nail it, and we had some reservations, but it was obvious that this guy was already considering himself part of the band. We made the mistake of not telling him to pump the brakes. With the holidays approaching, we agreed to take a couple weeks off and get in touch after Jan 1.

Of course, a couple days later, guy #4 falls in our lap…a mutual friend of guy #3 and our guitar player. Mostly to appease our guitar player, I agreed to audition guy #4, thinking we’ll jam for a couple hours then never see the guy again. And of course, the guy came in and completely blew us away. We breezed through 10 songs off our list…the guy absolutely nailed it in all categories. He’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, and vice versa.

Today I made the call of shame and told guy #2 that we are moving forward with someone else. Dude did not take it well, and rightfully so. I owned it and apologized, but it doesn’t make it any less of a d* move on our part. I should have tempered his expectations and told him we might be auditioning other people. But $&@“ happens and we had to make a decision. Not my proudest moment.

Not your fault. He jumped the gun thinking he was in the band when he hadn't been told that. Just let it go and don't worry about it.

 

[dbsfgyd1]

My band has been looking for a new front man. We put out a lot of feelers through personal and social channels, and ended up with three people worth auditioning. First guy wasn’t a good fit. Second guy had potential. Not exactly what we were looking for, but a good musician and somebody who we might be able to work with. Third guy (a friend of our guitar player) fell through and we never auditioned him. With no other prospects and guy #2 asking when we were jamming again, we decided to have him come back for a closer look. He didn’t exactly nail it, and we had some reservations, but it was obvious that this guy was already considering himself part of the band. We made the mistake of not telling him to pump the brakes. With the holidays approaching, we agreed to take a couple weeks off and get in touch after Jan 1.

Of course, a couple days later, guy #4 falls in our lap…a mutual friend of guy #3 and our guitar player. Mostly to appease our guitar player, I agreed to audition guy #4, thinking we’ll jam for a couple hours then never see the guy again. And of course, the guy came in and completely blew us away. We breezed through 10 songs off our list…the guy absolutely nailed it in all categories. He’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, and vice versa.

Today I made the call of shame and told guy #2 that we are moving forward with someone else. Dude did not take it well, and rightfully so. I owned it and apologized, but it doesn’t make it any less of a d* move on our part. I should have tempered his expectations and told him we might be auditioning other people. But $&@“ happens and we had to make a decision. Not my proudest moment.

Managing expectations is a art unto itself. I worked in a band and when I was offered the job, I was told I was on probation and could be replaced I’d somebody else came along. He said he would let me know when I was off. About four years later, I asked the BL if I was off probation. He said “I’m still undecided.”….LOL!

Look, don’t beat yourself up to much, but learn from it. One, never critique a person at the audition or tell them they have the job. Save that for a follow up phone call. Be as flat lined as possible. Second, whether or not you have other people scheduled to come in, tell them you do anyway and hope to be through the auditioning process in a couple of weeks. Finally, sincerely thank them for their time and for coming out.

 

[sawzalot]

I think you did fine. A little bit of an awkward conversation and you’re done. Carry on, they’ll survive.

 

[Barmy]

I don't think you did anything terribly wrong, but mostly I'm writing because you reminded me of a great story I heard Peter Erskine tell. (And it belongs here on Talkbass because JACO.) Jaco recommended Erskine to Joe Zawinul to play for Weather Report's upcoming Japanese tour. After Erskine auditioned and presumably blew everybody away, he asked Zawinul, "So can tell my friends I'm in the band?" Zawinul replied, "You can tell them you're going to Japan." Talk about pumping the brakes.

 

[BZadlo]

It’s a tough situation but I really don’t think you need to beat yourself up. Sure, you could have tempered his expectations but it’s really up to him to ask, “Am I in?”
I once did half a tour plus a bunch of out of town shows before being asked to join a band. I was having fun and wouldn’t have been angry if they picked someone else in the end. I constantly asked the members what I could do better.

 

[mb94952]

Don't sweat it. You did your part professionally and earned some experience. Now you know how to do it better next time.

 

[noahw1]

Sounds like a tough situation but nothing to be ashamed you actually called him and let him know the deal. You didn't ghost him or let him know via text.
It sucks having to tell someone bad news but you did it the right way. Kudos.

 

[mrjim123]

You made no promises to guy #2 and you put your band first, as you should have. And, you let guy # 2 know what's up, whereas some people would not have extended that much courtesy.

Well handled. And that, folks, is show business!

 

[Rod Barchetta]

I can see both sides. I might be a little put off if I were "#2" (bad nickname).

But these things happen. Journey had another singer early on. I'm really glad they didn't let feelings derail them when Steve Perry came along.

And Steve ending up kicking everyone else to the curb.

 

[2tonic]

No blood, no foul.

@Bullitt5135 , you did right.

 

[Bass Man Dan]

I don’t think you did any big crime here.

I agree with this. Not every awkward situation is the result of a mis-doing. You thought you might move forward with guy #2. But it just didn't end up that way.