Now I feel like a jerk

[JamesDeGrandis]

Wait a sec... you were in Metallica?

Like Lars is a Mammoth drummer... come on man!
Mammoth... like Physically Ginormous. ;-)

 

[bikeplate]

Music biz is not for the faint hearted

 

[sean_on_bass]

My band has been looking for a new front man. We put out a lot of feelers through personal and social channels, and ended up with three people worth auditioning. First guy wasn’t a good fit. Second guy had potential. Not exactly what we were looking for, but a good musician and somebody who we might be able to work with. Third guy (a friend of our guitar player) fell through and we never auditioned him. With no other prospects and guy #2 asking when we were jamming again, we decided to have him come back for a closer look. He didn’t exactly nail it, and we had some reservations, but it was obvious that this guy was already considering himself part of the band. We made the mistake of not telling him to pump the brakes. With the holidays approaching, we agreed to take a couple weeks off and get in touch after Jan 1.

Of course, a couple days later, guy #4 falls in our lap…a mutual friend of guy #3 and our guitar player. Mostly to appease our guitar player, I agreed to audition guy #4, thinking we’ll jam for a couple hours then never see the guy again. And of course, the guy came in and completely blew us away. We breezed through 10 songs off our list…the guy absolutely nailed it in all categories. He’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, and vice versa.

Today I made the call of shame and told guy #2 that we are moving forward with someone else. Dude did not take it well, and rightfully so. I owned it and apologized, but it doesn’t make it any less of a d* move on our part. I should have tempered his expectations and told him we might be auditioning other people. But $&@“ happens and we had to make a decision. Not my proudest moment.

Don't feel too bad, you did the best thing you could and i commend you. And remember, there are much worse things in life than not making it into a band!

 

[Phaidrus]

Hard to say if you were a jerk or not without knowing exactly what you said to him. "Yeah, we like you and this could probably work." is pretty close to saying "you're in."

Live and learn. Next time I'd suggest that you make sure you tell people you're still auditioning right up until you explicitly ask them to join the band - even if you're not auditioning.

 

[Greywoulf]

Question is, right after the second audition, we're you still on the fence? If so, you should have told him. If not, you acted wrong.

I recently auditioned for a band. It went well, and they told me next rehearsal was in a week. After these one night, we discussed songs for next week and potential venues, and said next rehearsal in a week. To make things easier, I asked if I could leave my bass can there - they said yes.

Later that week, when I texted to confirm tunes, they said (for the first time) they were auditioning another player, but I was still in the running. Needless to say I am pissed.

Why? It doesn't sound like they really officially picked you for the job yet? They did say you're still in the running tho, so at least you can still be hopeful. And if they do pick you I'd get rid of that resentment you have before joining them, or else things might not get off to a good start...

 

[21DaHoagie12]

At least you didn’t completely ghost him. That would be the jerk move.. I auditioned for a band once and they asked me to learn even more of their material and come back for a second “audition”.. everything allegedly went well, but I was aware they still had someone else they we’re going to audition... but when they just completely ghosted me, it was pretty insulting. I legit don’t care if you choose someone else, just let me know so I’m not sitting there wondering...

 

[Ric5]

My band has been looking for a new front man. We put out a lot of feelers through personal and social channels, and ended up with three people worth auditioning. First guy wasn’t a good fit. Second guy had potential. Not exactly what we were looking for, but a good musician and somebody who we might be able to work with. Third guy (a friend of our guitar player) fell through and we never auditioned him. With no other prospects and guy #2 asking when we were jamming again, we decided to have him come back for a closer look. He didn’t exactly nail it, and we had some reservations, but it was obvious that this guy was already considering himself part of the band. We made the mistake of not telling him to pump the brakes. With the holidays approaching, we agreed to take a couple weeks off and get in touch after Jan 1.

Of course, a couple days later, guy #4 falls in our lap…a mutual friend of guy #3 and our guitar player. Mostly to appease our guitar player, I agreed to audition guy #4, thinking we’ll jam for a couple hours then never see the guy again. And of course, the guy came in and completely blew us away. We breezed through 10 songs off our list…the guy absolutely nailed it in all categories. He’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, and vice versa.

Today I made the call of shame and told guy #2 that we are moving forward with someone else. Dude did not take it well, and rightfully so. I owned it and apologized, but it doesn’t make it any less of a d* move on our part. I should have tempered his expectations and told him we might be auditioning other people. But $&@“ happens and we had to make a decision. Not my proudest moment.

I had the opposite happen ... I had what seemed to be a good fit band that wanted to hire me and I declined ... I tried to exit gracefully but they were disappointed

 

[Scarysharkface]

My band has been looking for a new front man. We put out a lot of feelers through personal and social channels, and ended up with three people worth auditioning. First guy wasn’t a good fit. Second guy had potential. Not exactly what we were looking for, but a good musician and somebody who we might be able to work with. Third guy (a friend of our guitar player) fell through and we never auditioned him. With no other prospects and guy #2 asking when we were jamming again, we decided to have him come back for a closer look. He didn’t exactly nail it, and we had some reservations, but it was obvious that this guy was already considering himself part of the band. We made the mistake of not telling him to pump the brakes. With the holidays approaching, we agreed to take a couple weeks off and get in touch after Jan 1.

Of course, a couple days later, guy #4 falls in our lap…a mutual friend of guy #3 and our guitar player. Mostly to appease our guitar player, I agreed to audition guy #4, thinking we’ll jam for a couple hours then never see the guy again. And of course, the guy came in and completely blew us away. We breezed through 10 songs off our list…the guy absolutely nailed it in all categories. He’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, and vice versa.

Today I made the call of shame and told guy #2 that we are moving forward with someone else. Dude did not take it well, and rightfully so. I owned it and apologized, but it doesn’t make it any less of a d* move on our part. I should have tempered his expectations and told him we might be auditioning other people. But $&@“ happens and we had to make a decision. Not my proudest moment.

It is what it is. Not landing the gig is a tough one for anyone's ego.

John

 

[themickster]

He's free to find a band that fits him better. I understand you both feeling bad about it for now.

 

[MVE]

 

[lfmn16]

Question is, right after the second audition, we're you still on the fence? If so, you should have told him. If not, you acted wrong.

I recently auditioned for a band. It went well, and they told me next rehearsal was in a week. After these one night, we discussed songs for next week and potential venues, and said next rehearsal in a week. To make things easier, I asked if I could leave my bass can there - they said yes.

Later that week, when I texted to confirm tunes, they said (for the first time) they were auditioning another player, but I was still in the running. Needless to say I am pissed.

I once had 4 auditions for a band. Needless to say, I really wanted in. The 5th time I went over they asked me to join. After I got to be friends with the drummer he told me that after the first audition he told the guitar player and singer that they could audition all the bass players they wanted, but I was going to be their next bass player. From the very first song, he and I really bonded musically and it sounded like we'd been playing together for years. I later found out that it was the guitar player who couldn't make a decision. If they'd left it up to him, I'd still be going over auditioning every week.

 

[FenderBassist]

Sometimes you have to do what's right for the band. And you did the right thing by calling him. You did all you could do. Life goes that way sometimes.

 

[DJS]

It's an unfortunate situation but you didn't really do anything wrong. Carry on and be fine with your decision.

With my band we once auditioned three singers. #1 was strong, reliable, easygoing and very likeable. #2 was a handful of raw talent who had a room shattering voice. #3 was a no show.

We really gave #1 some positive feedback, and she rightfully thought it went well. A week later when the decision was made to go with #2, Band Leader mistakenly told #1 she got the gig. It took some awkward backpedaling on his part, but he managed to clarify, and there were tears.

Different story for a different day - but it was worse when he had to fire #2 after a year.

 

[TinIndian]

My band has been looking for a new front man. We put out a lot of feelers through personal and social channels, and ended up with three people worth auditioning. First guy wasn’t a good fit. Second guy had potential. Not exactly what we were looking for, but a good musician and somebody who we might be able to work with. Third guy (a friend of our guitar player) fell through and we never auditioned him. With no other prospects and guy #2 asking when we were jamming again, we decided to have him come back for a closer look. He didn’t exactly nail it, and we had some reservations, but it was obvious that this guy was already considering himself part of the band. We made the mistake of not telling him to pump the brakes. With the holidays approaching, we agreed to take a couple weeks off and get in touch after Jan 1.

Of course, a couple days later, guy #4 falls in our lap…a mutual friend of guy #3 and our guitar player. Mostly to appease our guitar player, I agreed to audition guy #4, thinking we’ll jam for a couple hours then never see the guy again. And of course, the guy came in and completely blew us away. We breezed through 10 songs off our list…the guy absolutely nailed it in all categories. He’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, and vice versa.

Today I made the call of shame and told guy #2 that we are moving forward with someone else. Dude did not take it well, and rightfully so. I owned it and apologized, but it doesn’t make it any less of a d* move on our part. I should have tempered his expectations and told him we might be auditioning other people. But $&@“ happens and we had to make a decision. Not my proudest moment.

Yeah I totally get the way you're feeling but you unfortunately have to do things like that on occasion. Only mistake was not making it clear you were going thru an audition process.

 

[Yellow Bang66]

My band has been looking for a new front man. We put out a lot of feelers through personal and social channels, and ended up with three people worth auditioning. First guy wasn’t a good fit. Second guy had potential. Not exactly what we were looking for, but a good musician and somebody who we might be able to work with. Third guy (a friend of our guitar player) fell through and we never auditioned him. With no other prospects and guy #2 asking when we were jamming again, we decided to have him come back for a closer look. He didn’t exactly nail it, and we had some reservations, but it was obvious that this guy was already considering himself part of the band. We made the mistake of not telling him to pump the brakes. With the holidays approaching, we agreed to take a couple weeks off and get in touch after Jan 1.

Of course, a couple days later, guy #4 falls in our lap…a mutual friend of guy #3 and our guitar player. Mostly to appease our guitar player, I agreed to audition guy #4, thinking we’ll jam for a couple hours then never see the guy again. And of course, the guy came in and completely blew us away. We breezed through 10 songs off our list…the guy absolutely nailed it in all categories. He’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, and vice versa.

Today I made the call of shame and told guy #2 that we are moving forward with someone else. Dude did not take it well, and rightfully so. I owned it and apologized, but it doesn’t make it any less of a d* move on our part. I should have tempered his expectations and told him we might be auditioning other people. But $&@“ happens and we had to make a decision. Not my proudest moment.

Ugh! Ive been that guy! In my younger years, just starting out. I wasnt used to any long audition processes. You auditioned & got it or you didnt! but being Young & dumb/naive. I assumed if I didnt blow it, I pretty much got it! Ha, ha. So after 1 audition I knew I struggled, but didnt Blow it. as the band was packing in I said "when the next Rehearsal? assuming they'd want another go at it. It was awkward as they all stammered "uhhhh..." I can do better" I explained I really didnt get a chance to learn their songs!(I was busy with my current band) but like said I didnt blow it, I just wasnt completely prepared! which was apparent. so Usually there'd be another "jam" but they had a Private pow wow while looking over their shoulders at me (packing my sh*t) then the balding singer dashes out the door & the guitar player dropped the bomb Youre not what were looking for! "ugh!" my first failed audition. I tried to explain why, to his shaking head. so humiliating! it was the 80's & hair metal & image was Key at the time! and these guys were all so old! no image & the front man was awkwardly balding! Ilooked like a young, dopey Rudy sarzo so I believed I was a shoe in! But they were looking for a jazzer, A Jaco! not a head banging Sarzo! I cringe now, but I was kinda devastated, at the time! I learned not to take opportunities so lightly or judge books... I got over it, But still cringe! no i didnt head bang during rehearsal! just my overconfidence at their I was sure they're gonna wanna do this again! while I missed another change!I later found out their old Bassist was a MIT Grad! typical Noob fail! cut fast & clean!

 

[getrhythm]

It's not like guy #2 put in a lot of time or anything.
Water under the bridge.
Don't beat yourself up.

 

[_One//Man//Mutiny_]

It’s been said over and over so far. But seriously, hats off to you for making that conversation happen. There’s a lot to be said for that. Most people take the low road and avoid it and let it go away.
Had to have a conversation like that myself a couple of weeks back after being jerked around for months. Not a similar situation, but would have much rather it been handled like you did it from the beginning.
You would have been a jerk if it was February and you were stringing #2 along, while rehearsing with #4, or worse #2 heard about it through the grapevine. Or worse even #4 was telling #2 about the new band he’s playing with and they come to that conclusion together. The petty crap that happens when people are either scared of being viewed as a “bad guy” or just home grown horrible communication skills is just silly.

 

[lfmn16]

A week later when the decision was made to go with #2, Band Leader mistakenly told #1 she got the gig. It took some awkward backpedaling on his part, but he managed to clarify, and there were tears.

No way that's going to end well.

 

[Blue Moose]

I'd have done the same thing you did.

 

[perfektspace6]

Don't sweat it. You are not a jerk. Yes, you should have given him the "we are still auditioning a few more guys and will get back to you" line but you didn't do anything majorly wrong at all.

A good front man will make or break you and you have to pick the best performer who is a good fit for your band.