Now I feel like a jerk

[thunderstation]

Decisions like that are never easy - Obviously the guy got a head of himself and the band just sort of went along with it. However, you auditioned and chose what everyone felt was the right fit - its a band - the members have to gel - a business decision has to be cut and dry in order for everyone to ove on.

 

[Matt R.]

You did the right thing.

 

[BaileyMan]

I don't think it was a d*** move. Like others said, it was a move you should be proud of. You didn't back away from the difficult conversation. He was rejected and humans generally don't like feeling rejected, some more than others. It may or may not have been a d*** response on singer #2's end, but it was a defensive, hurt response. You can be sorry that his feelings are hurt, but his feelings/reactions aren't your responsibility.

 

[Ronzo]

as long as that was made clear to the guy. Sounds like he was given a different impression

Impressions are NOT agreements. AFAIK, no concrete offer was made to “#2”, yet he took it upon himself to take videos AND post them on social media platforms. As a former partner in a three-member band management group, it would have taken a vote of two to agree to hire him - and a blackball from one of the partners to take him out of consideration. Some may commend #2 for his “initiative”, but I would have seriously argued for his immediate dismissal. Decisions to do that are the prerogative of the band’s leader or management partners ONLY. Those are the person(s) responsible for maintaining brand identity and target market. All other players are hired guns.

Personally, I think you dodged a bullet with this candidate. As was shown by almost immediately finding a person who is a better fit. And you had the stones to handle the problem in person over the phone - it wasn’t a face-to-face conversation, but it was the next best thing. IMO, well played. Move on, and I hope you succeed.

 

[Evets1987]

Welcome to the music business #2. If you don’t like rejection then you likely picked the wrong profession. Sounds like you did what was best for the band. Which should be the top priority in this situation regardless of feelings.

 

[C Stone]

"we decided to have him back for a closer look. He didn't exactly nail it" nuff said.

 

[DWBass]

If no one told #2 that he was in the band, then no skin off your back. Until somebody tells me that I'm in the band, I will never consider that I'm in! #2 should have never invested himself unless he was told he was in. Don't really care if he didn't take it well. That's on him. Old band I was in auditioned a guitarist and almost immediately he thought he was in. Even talking about switching up the songlist and changing the band name! WTH?!?!

Don't feel bad brother!

 

[Tanner5382]

as long as that was made clear to the guy. Sounds like he was given a different impression

I think assuming you're hired before explicitly being told "you're hired" is a mistake. His impression or wishes don't make it the case. In the OP it even said the language used was to be in touch.

 

[gln1955]

Don't feel too bad about it. This is mostly on him jumping to conclusions. When you saw him going a bit overboard, you should have reigned him in, but 20/20 hindsight and all that.

Both you and him have learned something from this.

 

[Cutter8]

it wasn't criminal, but it was kinda rude. I mean, you hire the guy, you don't tell him you have reservations, and before you even get to January 1, you replace him. Yeah I'd be pissed too. He may have passed other opportunities to be with you guys. You did a bait and switch on him. Wasted his time. Not nice

That seems unfairly critical. The OP didn’t “hire the guy” or pull a “bait and switch”, and it’s not valid to say the band “wasted his time” simply by having the guy back for a closer look. The OP just failed to communicate as clearly as he could have and manage the guy’s expectations when it became evident that the guy was making an invalid assumption about already being ‘in the band’.

 

[lfmn16]

I'm pretty sure we didn't explicitly say "you're in", nor did we explicitly say "hang tight, we're still auditioning people." We probably said something like "yeah, we like you and this could probably work."

Hard to say if you were a jerk or not without knowing exactly what you said to him. "Yeah, we like you and this could probably work." is pretty close to saying "you're in."

Live and learn. Next time I'd suggest that you make sure you tell people you're still auditioning right up until you explicitly ask them to join the band - even if you're not auditioning.

 

[Bunk McNulty]

My band has been looking for a new front man. We put out a lot of feelers through personal and social channels, and ended up with three people worth auditioning. First guy wasn’t a good fit. Second guy had potential. Not exactly what we were looking for, but a good musician and somebody who we might be able to work with. Third guy (a friend of our guitar player) fell through and we never auditioned him. With no other prospects and guy #2 asking when we were jamming again, we decided to have him come back for a closer look. He didn’t exactly nail it, and we had some reservations, but it was obvious that this guy was already considering himself part of the band. We made the mistake of not telling him to pump the brakes. With the holidays approaching, we agreed to take a couple weeks off and get in touch after Jan 1.

Of course, a couple days later, guy #4 falls in our lap…a mutual friend of guy #3 and our guitar player. Mostly to appease our guitar player, I agreed to audition guy #4, thinking we’ll jam for a couple hours then never see the guy again. And of course, the guy came in and completely blew us away. We breezed through 10 songs off our list…the guy absolutely nailed it in all categories. He’s exactly what we’ve been looking for, and vice versa.

Today I made the call of shame and told guy #2 that we are moving forward with someone else. Dude did not take it well, and rightfully so. I owned it and apologized, but it doesn’t make it any less of a d* move on our part. I should have tempered his expectations and told him we might be auditioning other people. But $&@“ happens and we had to make a decision. Not my proudest moment.

Hey, Feces Occurs. He'll get over it, and so will you.

 

[Cutter8]

Next time I'd suggest that you make sure you tell people you're still auditioning right up until you explicitly ask them to join the band - even if you're not auditioning.

Good advice.

 

[LBS-bass]

First off, I'm glad you found the right singer. That's not easy to do.

Second, I don't think you were a jerk, maybe just not as clear as you might have been, in hindsight. The guy assumed that inviting him back meant he was in, but nobody said that. Now he's acting bent out of shape because he's upset and instead of processing the news quietly for himself, he's blaming the band. Sounds like you dodged a bullet there.

And thank you for bringing up a timely topic; I have someone coming this week to audition and I have a feeling he'll be good enough for the job if we decide to offer it to him, but I will need to talk with the guys about it before we dive into the deep end with a new member. So I'm going to make sure to let him know that we aren't making any decisions about it right away. He might be looking elsewhere, so if he's a good fit, that could mean we lose him, but I'd rather not take any chances on a scenario like this.

 

[Phaidrus]

Having a bad conscience is a sign of a virtuous person.

 

[Slough Feg Bass]

omg I have not "joined" a band in decades!
Hey, if someone is not cutting it and you find someone else who does it better, then that is the music business!
I've been that guy many times, tough conversations, but it usually goes like this:
"hey there, we are going to be playing with another guy for now. If something comes up that we think you are a good fit, we'll let you know! Thanks for playing!"

And yes, sometimes they are bummed out, but frankly I don't care, because if not for music I probably would never hang out with these people anyway.

 

[MotorCityMinion]

Pros know what to expect at auditions and afterwards. You did nothing wrong. There is nothing to see here.

 

[JamesDeGrandis]

Here is a story - and I hate to tell it, but you did nothing wrong.

This is what wrong looks like.

Miscellaneous Band is a functioning unit with a Decent bass player. (Who we will call Decent Bass player.)
Miscellaneous Band records album and schedules a tour - but has yet to release album.
Decent Bass player gets called up for National Guard duty (will be gone for tour)
Mammoth Drummer calls Awesome bass player friend (Who we will call Awesome Bass Player) to "fill in" while Decent bass player is gone on National Guard tour of duty.
Decent bass player teaches Awesome bass player parts before leaving for National Guard. (Poof!)
Awesome bass player nails songs and further embellishes his awesomeness all over the music.

Miscellaneous Band does this...

Miscellaneous Band sends Awesome bass player to RERECORD all bass parts for album before release.

Miscellaneous Band releases album with new awesome tracks from Awesome bass player.
Tours with Awesome bass player.
Band fires Decent bass player while away on National Guard Tour.
Awesome bass player leaves at end of tour during a "break."
Band explodes and evaporates into thin air.

End of story.

You did nothing wrong.
(Yeah... I know what you're thinking...)

(You're not wrong.)

I hope this makes you feel a little better.

 

[Michael Stanley 2112]

On another thread here, recently, I posted about losing a guitar player who really wasn't onboard with what we were doing (some of the "ideals" upon which the band was founded).

The two of us who started this band are old enough where we know what we want to do and we're not willing to stray too far from that idea.

Anyway, for quite some time, I was filling in behind the kit (NO ONE wants to sit in a bar/club and hear that), but we've got a couple of good prospects for drums.

They are both really good in some ways and somewhat (not the word) "lacking" in others.

What I have insisted upon doing, right from the start, is I am completely honest with everyone.

When we finished with the emails and phone calls and "feeling people out", we had three people we thought were potentials.

At that point, all of them knew exactly that because I told them.

The first was ... well ... disappointing.

The two which are left are a tough decision, especially since the other guy and I are split.

We decided we wanted to hear them back-to-back and, when it was time to approach that conversation, I handled them the same way ("We'd like you to come in Saturday at 1 PM, but we must be finished and have you out of the rehearsal space by 2:30 because the other guy is arriving at 3:00")

While it is a tough decision, because of the way we've handled it, I don't envision feelings of remorse, not matter how things go.

I still don't think you committed any peccatum. Stop beating yourself up.

You are not responsible for how #2 (I kinda like that nickname) conducts himself.

 

[Bullitt5135]

Here is a story - and I hate to tell it, but you did nothing wrong.

Wait a sec... you were in Metallica?