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Oh look, it's another relationship-thread!

DeathFromBelow

DeathFromBelow

Never Forget.
Inactive
Dec 23, 2010
1,913
1,173
47
Horten, Norway
#1
Well actually more of a "potential relationship-thread", but whatever, here goes:

About 18 months ago I met a great girl (or woman technically, she's 31) at a party; funny, smart, cool and sexy and we really hit it off.

During our lengthy conversation she told me that she had recently separated from her husband (who she had been with since she was 16) but was still living with him and their 10 year old son. So, in my infinite wisdom, I decided to just wait it out thinking there would be no problem getting hold of her once her current situation was resolved.

Yeah, that was a great move. A couple months later I go over to a friends (one of my oldest and best friends, for good measure) house and who do I meet there but the girl from the party. Next time I go there she's there. And the next time. And the next... You get the picture. You snooze, you lose. Or so I thought...

Now fast forward to the present. My friend and the cutie from the party are still hanging out. She just sees him as a friend (which she has made absolutely clear to him over and over again), but he's been madly in love with her for over a year. I've known about his feelings towards her since day one and I've been cool about it and haven't tried anything on with her out of respect for him.

But last weekend I ran into her at a bar and suddenly things got a bit more complicated. She goes on to tell me that she's had a "thing" for me for years, not just since we met at the party a while back. Turns out we actually met each other several times about ten years ago (when she had recently married her now ex-husband), I have no memory of that though as i liked my drugs back then.
And now she wants to start seeing me...:atoz:

So I turn to thee; the collective hive of wisdom known as TBOT: Do I start seeing this girl (which I want to, cause she just plain rocks) and possibly ruin one of my oldest friendships in the prosess, or do I just go about my business and try to forget about the whole mess? And don't give me the standard "quantity over quality" line, I'm 34 years old; been there, done that, got the t-shirt ;)

Fire away guys, I know you're just aking to answer, we all know you love these threads :p

Oh, tl;dr: Bro's before ho's-yay or nay?
 
#4
tastybasslines said:
My 2 cents? You really want it? Here you go:

Have a talk with your friend first and explain the situation CLEARLY. Ask him what you should do - my guess is that he will give you his blessing if he is a real friend.
Click to expand...

Yeah, that's kinda what I've been thinking too. But like i said; the poor guy is madly in love. Which we all know doesn't exactly help with clear thinking...
 
#7
nortonrider said:
If she dumped her husband and is willing to dump your friend....... eventually she's gonna dump you too!
Click to expand...

I do get what you're saying. But someone splitting up after a fifteen year relationship isn't exactly uncommon, and it doesn't necessarily speak towards their morals or ethics imo. People change, and certainly from their teens to their thirties, which is the case here.

And she didn't dump my friend, they were never a couple to begin with.

But I appreciate your input regardless.
 
#15
tastybasslines said:
My 2 cents? You really want it? Here you go:

Have a talk with your friend first and explain the situation CLEARLY. Ask him what you should do - my guess is that he will give you his blessing if he is a real friend.
Click to expand...

This. Only, even if you dont get his blessing you still have the right to proceed.

Here's a little story about two friends of mine, one who hasnt spoken to me in over 2 years...
We had a band, there were 5 of us. One member (X) liked a mutual female friend of ours (A), though she didnt feel that way about him. She just liked him as a friend.
One day we get a new drummer (Y) and he becomes friends with X. He makes his way through a few different single friends of our and eventually catches A's eye. Being that A knows that X has feelings for her they kind of start talking to each other in secret. Who should find out about it but I :p
Theyre not sure quite what to do, as A and Y want to start seeing each other. I told them, look this is going to be a problem UNLESS you both are upfront and talk to X about this. Of course, they continue seeing each other in secret and X eventually finds out. He's upset and causes all kinds of drama, eventually quitting the band. He later asked if he could rejoin. I tell him I'll think about it, and then he almost immediately goes and tries to pick a fight with Y. The band dissolves as I was starting to play in another band and X blames me for breaking up the band. I havent talked to X in over two years. A and Y are now my roommates.

TALK TO YOUR FRIEND IF YOU VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIP! And then proceed with the girl.

tastybasslines said:
After a year he is STILL madly in love? Does he still go out and get poon? I'm guessing it may be a little harder to talk to him than I thought.
Click to expand...

Just like X, he was madly in love with A even though she had been turning him down for years.
 

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