Oh look, it's another relationship-thread!

[DeathFromBelow]

This. Only, even if you dont get his blessing you still have the right to proceed.

Here's a little story about two friends of mine, one who hasnt spoken to me in over 2 years...
We had a band, there were 5 of us. One member (X) liked a mutual female friend of ours (A), though she didnt feel that way about him. She just liked him as a friend.
One day we get a new drummer (Y) and he becomes friends with X. He makes his way through a few different single friends of our and eventually catches A's eye. Being that A knows that X has feelings for her they kind of start talking to each other in secret. Who should find out about it but I
Theyre not sure quite what to do, as A and Y want to start seeing each other. I told them, look this is going to be a problem UNLESS you both are upfront and talk to X about this. Of course, they continue seeing each other in secret and X eventually finds out. He's upset and causes all kinds of drama, eventually quitting the band. He later asked if he could rejoin. I tell him I'll think about it, and then he almost immediately goes and tries to pick a fight with Y. The band dissolves as I was starting to play in another band and X blames me for breaking up the band. I havent talked to X in over two years. A and Y are now my roommates.

TALK TO YOUR FRIEND IF YOU VALUE YOUR FRIENDSHIP! And then proceed with the girl.



Just like X, he was madly in love with A even though she had been turning him down for years.

Yeah thanks, your story there is exactly the kind of scenario I want to avoid.

And I tend to agree with your first line. He's in no position to deny either of us anything really...

 

[hdracer]

Eh no, they were separated but still living together when I met her last year, and they divorced and moved out shortly after.

Then do it!

 

[LouieV2]

My 2 cents? You really want it? Here you go:

Have a talk with your friend first and explain the situation CLEARLY. Ask him what you should do - my guess is that he will give you his blessing if he is a real friend.

+1. Life is short. However, I would be very cautious unless she is no longer living with her husband.

edit: just saw OP's last post. Go for it.

 

[DeathFromBelow]

I bought into the "bro's before ho's" thing when I was a teenager. After that, not so much.

-Mike

I feel myself leaning more and more to that direction as I'm getting older too Mike. But I still don't want to be "that guy", if you know what I mean.

 

[MatticusMania]

Yeah thanks, your story there is exactly the kind of scenario I want to avoid.

And I tend to agree with your first line. He's in no position to deny either of us anything really...

Youre right, he's not. I have a feeling if youre upfront with your friend it'll be a win/win for you.
Of course, he'll likely get upset at first but given the honesty you'll have shown him he wont have the right to hold it against you.

The situation with my friends, I truly believe, would have turned out far better had they been more open about things.

 

[Hobobob]

Either way, someone's going to be unhappy. Either you go for it and your friend feels betrayed, or you don't and neither you or the lovely lady will know if you guys would have made a wonderful couple. The difference is that your friend's hurt is not logical, given the fact that she does not have feelings for him. In my mind, the proper choice is to talk to your friend, but go forward with it regardless.

This does not account for the possibility of the girl constantly being at your friend's house because she was using him. If this is not a possibility, please inform us.

 

[Ziltoid]

I bet she has an undisclosed spawn.

 

[lowfreq33]

Nothing like a guy stuck in the friend zone blocking the guy who actually has a chance...

You should talk to your friend, at least before things reach the bedroom. He has no right to tell either of you who you can see, but out of the respect for the friendship it's the courteous thing to do.

However, if he tries to give you a guilt trip you need to point out that you gave him a year to seal the deal and he couldn't and won't ever do it, because she just doesn't feel that way about him. That's life. Liking someone doesn't instantly confer ownership.

 

[DeathFromBelow]

Youre right, he's not. I have a feeling if youre upfront with your friend it'll be a win/win for you.
Of course, he'll likely get upset at first but given the honesty you'll have shown him he wont have the right to hold it against you.

The situation with my friends, I truly believe, would have turned out far better had they been more open about things.

Absolutely. I've always been quite adept at seeing things through other peoples eyes and I wouldn't expect anything else than him getting upset, hurt and even angry, I know I would. But like you say, as long as I'm upfront about it I guess I'm not crossing any sort of lines at all.

It is what it is. I've been lucky enough to have never been in this sort of situation before and now that I am I'm kind of at a loss. Thanks for your input so far guys, keep it coming.

 

[macaroni tony]

Oh sorry, guess I was a bit unclear, she moved out from her exhusband shortly after I met her about a year and a half ago.

OK I got ya. So it's just between you and your friend now. A true friend won't get in the way of your willie when he's got no shot. Just talk to him first as was mentioned

 

[electracoyote]

Just curious, but why not?

Im still legally married to my ex wife (starting the divorce process next month) and Ive been involved with my girlfriend for over a year.

In my 54 years on the planet, too many times I have seen the husband who everyone thought was out of the picture suddenly snap.

It can be pretty ugly. Anyone who rolls the dice on that one needs to have his head examined.

 

[DeathFromBelow]

This does not account for the possibility of the girl constantly being at your friend's house because she was using him. If this is not a possibility, please inform us.

This is something I see as a potential red flag as well.

But the thing is, since I've been trying to keep my distance, and only occasionally bumping in to her from time to time I really don't know her well enough yet to be able to tell. But one thing that's for sure is that I'm not going to let her put me in a similar situation as my friend. The way I see it, now that she has approached me with this "offer", she better be willing to prove that she means it. Or I'm out.

 

[DeathFromBelow]

I bet she has an undisclosed spawn.

Lol, wut?

 

[Ziltoid]

Lol, wut?

A kid.

 

[DeathFromBelow]

A kid.

So I guess you scrolled right down to the tl;dr part?

She's got an 11yo son. And a huge dog.

 

[Ziltoid]

So I guess you scrolled right down to the tl;dr part?

She's got an 11yo son. And a huge dog.

Yup, I did that. Huge dogs are way cool, evil spawns from hell not so much.

 

[MatticusMania]

In my 54 years on the planet, too many times I have seen the husband who everyone thought was out of the picture suddenly snap.

It can be pretty ugly. Anyone who rolls the dice on that one needs to have his head examined.

Ah, I see your point.

 

[DeathFromBelow]

Yup, I did that. Huge dogs are way cool, evil spawns from hell not so much.

Dude, I play Black Metal, evil hellspawn is right up my alley.

 

[Ziltoid]

Dude, I play Black Metal, evil hellspawn is right up my alley.

But you're from Norway, saying you play black metal is like me saying I like maple syrup. It's a given.

 

[jmcorn]

Just curious, but why not?

Im still legally married to my ex wife (starting the divorce process next month) and Ive been involved with my girlfriend for over a year.

Most people are dating to find a suitable spouse. I guess if you are looking for a one night stand that is different, but She is not one that I would recommend getting involved with. I've seen it too many times. Yall get married, have a child, and then she finds another man. There is no end to it.

There are plenty of good women out there. You just have to find them.